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Cbe Complete Bachelor 

w 

manners for men 



By tftc Jlutftor of tfte 
"fls Seen by fiim" Papers 



Ulitb Index 




new Verk 

D. Hppleton and Company \^'b'h <! \ 

W96 




Copyright, 1896, 
By D. APPLETON AND COMPANY, 



PREFACE. 



I suppose a book of this character needs 
some excuse. The world is full of volumes 
written on etiquette, and, in adding another to 
the number, my plea for filling the want long 
felt may seem ridiculous. But I have an ex- 
cellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises 
of this character I have found the bachelor 
sadly neglected. 

For many years, while conducting the query 
or " agony department" in Vogue, I received 
letters from all parts of the United States ask- 
ing for information on certain details of eti- 
quette which seem to have been overlooked 
by the compilers or writers of etiquette man- 
uals. My correspondents always wanted these 
questions answered from the New York stand- 
point. All this I have endeavored to do in 
this volume. I have devoted a chapter to 
sports. In this I have made no attempt to 



vi (£l)e Complete J3ad)elor. 



give the rules of the various pastimes therein 
enumerated. I have simply jotted down some 
points which I hope may be of use to the out- 
sider. 

In the chapter on dancing I have taken the 
Patriarchs' Ball in New York as my standard of 
subscription entertainments of this character. 
I have also written about cotillons as they are 
conducted in New York. I have endeavored 
to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this 
book should be a help to my reader in any 
dilemma of social import, and if 1 shall have 
proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mis- 
sion has been accomplished, and that I have 
reached the goal of my ambition. 



CONTENTS . 



CHAPTER PAGE 

I. The bachelor in public ..... i 

II. HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS IO 

III. The bachelor's toilet 17 

IV. The care of a bachelor's clothes ... 24 

V. Introductions, invitations, and calls . . 41 

VI. Cards 49 

VII. The diner-out ........ 54 

VIII. A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS 62 

IX. The city bachelor as host 74 

X. The country house 85 

XI. A bachelor's servants 94 

XII. The dance 102 

XIII. The cotillon 112 

XIV. A bachelor's letters 119 

XV. The bachelor's club 126 

XVI. The sporting bachelor 136 

XVII. A bachelor's travels at home and abroad . 160 

XVIII. The engaged bachelor 169 

XIX. The bachelor's wedding . . . . .172 

XX. Funerals 193 



vii 



THE COMPLETE BACHELOR. 



CHAPTER I. 

THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC. 

The average man is judged by his appear- 
ance and his deportment in public. His dress, 
his bearing, his conduct toward women and 
his fellow-men, are telling characteristics. 

In the street, when walking with a woman 
— the term " lady " being objectionable, except 
in case of distinction — every man should be on 
his mettle. Common sense, which is the basis 
of all etiquette, teaches him that he should be 
her protector. Therefore, under general cir- 
cumstances, his place is on the street or outer 
side. Should there be a crowd on the inner 
side, should the walking be muddy or rough, 
or should there be a building in process of re- 
pair, or one or the other of the inconveniences 
of city life, then the man should take the side 
which will enable him to shield his fair com- 



2 Complete Bachelor. 



panion from all annoyance. At night a man 
offers his arm to a woman. In the daytime 
etiquette allows this only when the sidewalk 
is very rough, when there are steps to climb, 
a crowd to be piloted through, or a street 
crossing to effect. In any one of these emer- 
gencies suggest, " I think you will find it better 
to take my arm/' A man never walks bodkin 
— that is, sandwiched between two women. 

It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. 
She may have reasons why she should not 
wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man 
should never take the initiative. Abroad, in 
many countries, the man bows first. When 
old friends meet, however, the bowing is si- 
multaneous. 

A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of 
any salutation made to the woman with whom 
he is walking. It is his place, on such an oc- 
casion, to bow to a man friend, whether the 
latter enjoys or does not have the pleasure of 
the acquaintance of the woman. A man's 
failure to do this signifies that the woman 
does not wish to know him, or that her com- 
panion does not wish her to know the other 
man. 

Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as 
semi-public places. A man meeting a woman 



QL\)c Sacljdor in Public. 3 



in one of these, where by custom he is per- 
mitted to keep on his hat, must step aside and 
let her pass, raising his hat as he does so. 
This does not apply to theater corridors, thea- 
ter or hotel lobbies, or offices. In such houses 
as the Waldorf in New York, where the hall 
is utilized as a general sitting room by both 
sexes, it is not good form for a man to keep on 
his hat. In London, however, the rule is not 
as strict. 

Men in this country do not lift their hats to 
one another, except when they are introduced 
in the open or a public place. Civility is never 
wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of 
reverence, to thus salute a clergyman or a 
venerable and distinguished gentleman. 

A man always lifts his hat when offering a 
woman a service, such as picking up or restor- 
ing to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or 
other article, or when passing a fare in a public 
conveyance, or when rendering any trifling 
assistance. Should she be with a male escort, 
the latter should raise his hat and thank the 
person who has rendered the service. This 
bit of politeness is under no circumstances the 
prelude to an acquaintance with an unescorted 
woman, and no gentleman would take ad- 
vantage of it. A man always raises his hat 



4 ®f)e (ffcrmplete Bachelor. 



and remains uncovered when talking to a 
woman. 

It is not good form to stop a woman on the 
street, even if the exchange of a few common- 
place remarks be the excuse. A man never 
joins a woman on a thoroughfare unless she 
be one from whose friendship he is sure that 
he can claim this privilege. 

A gentleman always assists a woman in 
and out of a carriage or a public conveyance. 
He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps 
her in by a deft motion of the right arm, and 
with his left protects her skirts from any possi- 
ble mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves 
her he closes the door, and, if it be a private 
conveyance, gives directions to the driver. He 
lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even 
when there is a footman, a second man, or an 
attendant, it should be esteemed a favor to 
give this assistance. 

In entering shops, theaters, or other build- 
ings, where there are swinging doors, the es- 
cort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar, 
passing in last. A woman always precedes a 
man, except in one or two special cases. A 
man precedes a woman walking down the 
aisle of a theater, and it is better form that he 
should take the inside seat, especially if there 



Sacljdor in public. 5 



is a man occupying the place next to the va- 
cant one. A man precedes a woman up a 
narrow staircase in a public building, but in a 
private house, in ascending or descending a 
stairway, he should always allow the woman 
to precede him. In entering a theater box a 
man follows the usher, preceding the woman 
down the theater corridor to the door of the 
box. He then holds this open, and the women 
precede him, he following them. In a church, 
in going down a narrow aisle, the woman 
precedes the man. 

The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors 
and lobbies of a public building, the office of a 
hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are public 
highways. In these places a man keeps on 
his hat, his deportment being the same as he 
would observe in the street. But when the 
lift or elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, 
such as is used in hotels and other semi-public 
buildings, a man removes his hat when the 
other sex is of the number of its passengers. 

When escorting a woman to a house where 
she is to make a visit, always mount the stoop 
or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain 
there until the servant comes to the door. 
Then, if you are not going in, take off your 
hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining 



6 SLIje Complete Bachelor. 



rooms of hotels, roof gardens, and places of 
amusement in the open air, where refreshments 
are served, are semi-public. 

A man always rises from the table at 
which he is sitting when a woman bows to 
him and immediately returns the salutation. 
Should the place be in the open, he doffs his 
hat, which under such circumstances he is 
obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a 
lady and her escort chance to stop at his table 
to exchange greetings with his friends, he 
should rise and remain standing during the 
conversation. If a man is introduced to him, 
unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag 
party, politeness bids him also rise. 

A gentleman will never be seen in public 
with characters whom he could not introduce 
to his mother or his sister. A man when he 
is with a lady should be very careful, especial- 
ly at roof gardens and such places in mid- 
summer, about recognizing male acquaintances 
who seem to be in rather doubtful company. 

In walking, a man should carry either a 
stick or a well-rolled umbrella. The stick 
should be grasped just below the crook or 
knob, but the ferrule must be kept downward. 
In business hours or on business thoroughfares 
to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man 



®l)e Bachelor in Public. 7 



of leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes 
as a privileged character. 

The umbrella is an instrument of peace 
rather than a weapon of war, and should not 
be carried as " trailed arms," but like the stick 
it should be grasped a short distance below the 
handle, and the latter held almost upright on a 
very slight perpendicular. 

In the presence of ladies, unless by special 
permission, a gentleman never smokes, and 
under no circumstances does he indulge in a 
weed while on the street or walking with 
them. If, while smoking, a man should meet 
a woman and there should be any stopping to 
talk, he must at once throw away his cigar or 
his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on 
fashionable promenades, and a man in a top 
hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his mouth 
is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds 
and a "pot" hat in the country or on busi- 
ness thoroughfares. A meerschaum or a 
wooden pipe is then allowable, but never a 
clay or a dudeen. The cuspidor is a ban- 
ished instrument. The filthy custom of to- 
bacco chewing and consequent expectoration 
can not be tolerated in civilized society. 

A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he 
loitej. The fashionable gait is comparatively 



(jTomflletc JBacljeior. 



slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride 
of the Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swag- 
ger of the Bowery " tough." The correct de- 
meanor is without gesture or apparent effort. 

Staring at or ogling women, standing at 
the entrances of theaters, churches, or other 
public buildings, stopping still and turning 
back to look at some one or something in the 
street, can be classified as offenses of which no 
gentleman can be guilty. 

Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in 
good society, and this same rule should apply 
to public conveyances. As the man who 
crosses his legs in the presence of ladies is ab- 
solutely impossible, so should be the individual 
who commits the same crime in a public con- 
veyance. He not only proves a nuisance to 
those around him, but he is a source of dam- 
age as well as danger to the comfort and safety 
of his fellow-passengers. 

In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is 
yet a mooted question as to whether or not a 
man should give up his seat to a woman. In 
theory he should, but there are circumstances 
under which he may be pardoned. To a re- 
fined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled 
woman, or one burdened with bundles or with 
a baby in the arms, the answer to this should 



©fye Bachelor in public. 9 



be a decided affirmative. In the South, this 
gallant action is universally practiced, except 
when the woman is a negress. In public con- 
veyances a man should sit to the right of a 
woman. 

An escort should pay all fares in public con- 
veyances, and should look after the comfort 
and welfare of his companion, taking entire 
charge of tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. 
Should a woman insist upon paying her pro 
rata of the expenses the arrangement can be 
made before starting, many sensible women 
handing their escorts their purses for the pur- 
pose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of 
your women friends who might possibly enter 
your train or stage. This is embarrassing and 
not necessary. A railway car or carriage be- 
ing a public conveyance, a man always keeps 
on his hat, as he also does in a cab or any 
other vehicle in which he is driving, accom- 
panied or not accompanied by one of the op- 
posite sex. 



CHAPTER II. 



HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS. 

There are three rules of dress which, for 
the ordinary man in his everyday life, might 
be resolved into two. These originally are 
morning, afternoon, and evening. Morning 
and evening are absolutely necessary; after- 
noon dress is donned on special occasions 
only. 

Morning dress is that which is worn dur- 
ing business hours or at any time in any place, 
where semiformal dress is not required until 
candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. 
- It consists usually in winter of a lounge or 
single-breasted sack suit made of many differ- 
ent kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch 
tweeds or black and blue cheviots, rough-faced 
and smooth. Fashions are liable to some va- 
riation season after season, and the general 
rule can only be laid down in a book of this 
kind. 

10 



tyom a Bachelor slioulb JBress. n 



With the morning or lounge dress in win- 
ter is worn the Derby or soft-felt Alpine hat, 
called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black, 
brown, or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, 
drab, or black. The colored shirt with white 
standing or turned-down collar is the usual ac- 
companiment to the lounge suit. The fashion 
for colored shirts in stripes has been that the 
patterns run up and down and not across the 
bosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, 
or a simple bow, the boots black leather or 
dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or 
gray undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordi- 
nary business wear, suits of black or gray 
mixed cheviot, vicuna or worsted, or fancy 
Scotch goods, the coat of which is a " cuta- 
way, "are also popular; but the black diago- 
nal " cutaway " has passed entirely out of fash- 
ion, and is utilized at present in riding costume. 

The lounge suit in summer is of blue flan- 
nel or very light cheviot or tweed. Straw hats 
are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fash- 
ion sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen 
to be worn with business suits; otherwise the 
entire costume— trousers, coat, and waistcoat 
— is of the same material. 

In the country, at the seaside, or in com- 
munities where golf, wheeling, tennis, yacht- 



i2 ®|)e (JTcntplcte Sacfyekrr. 



ing or other sports and pastimes are the order 
of the day. the costumes appropriate for these 
are in vogue for lounge or morning suits. This 
is what the English call " mufti." Such cos- 
tumes are, however, not in good form in the 
city. 

Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn 
with morning dress. White duck or flannel 
trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and 
waistcoat, make fashionable lounge suits for 
summer resorts. 

Afternoon dress consists of a double- 
breasted frock coat of soft cheviot, vicuna, or 
diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to 
match — single-breasted or double-breasted — of 
fancy cloth, Marseilles duck or pique; trousers 
of different material, usually cashmere, quiet 
in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, 
drab, or blue background; boots of patent 
leather, buttoned, not tied ; a white or colored 
shirt with straight standing white collar; a 
four-in-hand, puffed Ascot, or small club tie; 
silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or brown 
kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innova- 
tion, and it should be used sparingly, white 
linen on any semiformal function being in bet- 
ter form. When spats are used they should 
be of brown, gray, or drab cloth or canvas, 



to match the trousers as nearly as possible. 
Some ultra faddists wear white kid gloves with 
afternoon dress, but the fashion is not universal. 

Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings 
— for the bridegroom, best man, ushers, and 
male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon re- 
ceptions, afternoon calls, afternoon walks on 
the fashionable avenue, garden parties (but not 
picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all formal 
or semiformal functions taking place between 
midday and candlelight, as well as at church 
on Sundays, at funerals, and in the park in 
London after midday. 

Gray frock-coat suits are recent introduc- 
tions from London, and have been worn at all 
the functions at which the black is required, 
but the latter is more conservative and in bet- 
ter taste. The afternoon dress is seldom worn 
in midsummer, morning suits being allowable 
at seaside and mountain-resort day functions. 

Evening dress is the proper attire, winter 
or summer, on all occasions after candlelight. 
There are two kinds of evening dress, formal 
and informal. 

Formal or "full" evening dress, as it is 
sometimes vulgarly called, consists of the even- 
ing or " swallowtail " coat of black dress 
worsted or soft-faced vicuna, with or without 



i4 GTontplete Bachelor. 



silk or satin facing, with waistcoat and trou- 
sers of the same material, the latter plain or 
with a braid down the sides. The "dress" 
waistcoat can also be of white duck or pique, 
in which case it is double-breasted. The shape 
of the dress waistcoat shows the shirt bosom 
in the form of a " U." 

The evening shirt is of plain white linen, 
with two shirt buttons and link cuffs, straight 
standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. The 
gloves are white with white stitching, the hose 
of black silk, and the handkerchief, which 
must be present but not seen, of plain white 
linen. The shoes are patent-leather pumps or 
"low quarters," tied, not buttoned. 

The overcoat is an Inverness of black chev- 
iot, lined with satin and without sleeves, and 
the hat a crush opera. These two latter ad- 
juncts are not indispensable, but most conven- 
ient. An ordinary black overcoat and top hat 
can be worn with evening dress. No visible 
jewelry — not even a watch chain — is allowed. 
The shirt buttons are either of white enamel, 
dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve 
links white-enameled or lozenge-shaped disks 
of gold, with a monogram thereon engraved. 

Evening dress is de rigeur at balls, dances, 
evening receptions, evening weddings, din- 



fyow a Bachelor stjaulb HDress. 15 



ners, suppers, the opera, and the theater, when 
calling after candlelight, and in fact at any for- 
mal evening function and generally when ladies 
are present. 

Informal evening dress differs from formal 
in the wearing of the Tuxedo or dinner coat 
in place of the " swallowtail," and the sub- 
stitution of a black silk for a white lawn tie. 

The dinner coat is of black worsted or vi- 
cuna, satin-faced. It is the badge of infor- 
mality. Formerly it was only worn at the 
club, at small stag dinners, and on occasions 
when ladies were not present. Now it is in 
vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at 
small informal parties to the play, at bowling 
parties, restaurant dinners, and, in fact, on any 
occasion which is not formal. From June to 
October men wear it in town every evening 
without overcoat. 

As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk 
hat can not be worn with it. The proper 
headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in 
summer a straw. 

The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. 
It is worn also by all youths and boys from 
twelve years to seventeen, at which latter 
period they can assume the toga virilis or 
swallowtail. 



16 ®l)e QTontplete Bcufydcr. 



I here append a few cautionary hints which 
must be taken if you wish to dress welL 

All scarves and ties should be tied by one's 
self. Made-up neckwear of any kind is not 
worn by well-groomed men. 

White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo 
coats do not agree; black is only allowable. 

Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a 
seal of either green or red stone, or of plain 
burnished gold with the seal or monogram en- 
graved upon it. It must be worn on the little 
finger. 

Watch chains and watch fobs are not in 
vogue. Watches and latchkeys are attached 
to a key chain and hidden in the trousers 
pocket. Diamonds are only in good form 
when set in a scarf pin, and even then they 
are in questionable taste. Diamond buttons 
and diamond rings are absolutely vulgar. 

The fashionable overcoat in winter is a 
Chesterfield or single-breasted frock of kersey 
or like material in brown, blue, or black, with 
velvet collar. For autumn and spring the tan 
covert coat is in vogue. 



CHAPTER III. 

THE BACHELOR'S TOILET. 

The first care of a bachelor is his bath or 
tub. To-day, houses — especially clubs and 
bachelor apartments — are fitted up so luxuri- 
ously that each tenant has his own individual 
tiled bathroom, which he uses also as a dress- 
ing room. But where these are not, the tin or 
the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the 
purpose of our first ablution. A cold bath to 
many is a good refresher and awakener, but 
there are others again whose constitutions can 
not stand the shock, especially in winter, of 
icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid 
water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so 
as to take the chill off. 

A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, 
and that, as may be inferred from the previous 
remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in the 
bedroom, have a rubber cloth placed under, 
and fill it only half full. The sponge is used 

17 



18 Q^e (JTontpkte Bachelor. 



for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand. 
The body should have a thorough soaping. 
The soap should be either Castile or a pure 
unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, 
perfumery, and sweet waters of all kinds 
should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is 
the best for drying, and it should be vigorously 
but not roughly applied. A flesh brush may 
be also used with comfort. As soon as the 
body is perfectly dry the bath robe or large 
Turkish towel, which some prefer to WTap 
themselves in, like Indians, should be resumed 
and shaving begun. 

Every man should learn to shave himself. 
Razors are very delicate instruments and should 
be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with 
little blades for each day in the week are ex- 
cellent, but if you use the ordinary razor add 
to your collection from time to time, until you 
have at least half a dozen. Once a month send 
these to a barber to be stropped, and strop 
them yourself both before and after using. 
Wipe them dry with a piece of chamois cloth 
and put them back in their cases. The best 
strop is of Russia leather or of canvas. 

Warm water is not absolutely necessary 
for shaving, as some beards are soft and resist 
heat. 



®l)e Bachelor's Soilet. 19 



If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a 
triplicate mirror and places for your razors, 
shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can pur- 
chase one of these, with the entire outfit, for a 
few dollars at any of the large city shops. A 
ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving 
paper can be placed on one side of the stand. 
A cleanly man shaves every morning. After 
shaving, wash the face with a little warm water 
and wipe it thoroughly dry. Add to the wa- 
ter a few drops of ammonia or of Pond's ex- 
tract, if the skin is liable to chap. 

In the fashion of beards, the clean or 
smooth-shaven face, the pointed beard, and the 
simple mustache are those generally in vogue. 
Should you wear a beard, you should have for 
it a special comb and brush. 

A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and 
a special wash rag are the requisites for a 
morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water 
are recommended by oculists as the best tonic 
for the eyes. 

The teeth next claim your attention. There 
is nothing more disgusting than foul breath, 
which comes frequently from neglected teeth. 
Use a soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth 
washes and lotions. An excellent tooth pow- 
der is made of two thirds French chalk, one 



2o ®t)£ Complete ©actjekrr. 



third orris root, and a pinch of myrrh. Any 
chemist will put this up for fifteen cents. 
Tepid and not cold water should be used. In 
rinsing the mouth a drop or two of listerine 
added to the water is excellent. Teeth should 
be brushed at least twice a day — morning and 
evening. Never use soap on your toothbrush. 
Get a spool of dental silk — it will cost you 
eight cents — and draw the thread between 
your teeth before you retire, so as to remove 
any substance which might have got into a 
crevice. And, above all, have your teeth ex- 
amined carefully by a good dentist at least 
twice a year. 

See that your toothbrush is sweet and 
clean, and place it handle down in the tooth 
mug. 

The hands should be well washed and 
dried, tepid water, scentless soap, and a 
smooth towel being used. The nails should 
have a vigorous rubbing with a good nail- 
brush in the morning before your meals and 
before you go to bed at night. The nail file 
and nail scissors must be used as often as pos- 
sible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray 
the vulgar and the unkempt. A man with 
dirty hands is impossible. 

The nails should not be pointed, but well 



®l)c Bachelor 1 s Soilct. 21 



rounded and kept free of bits of callous skin 
around the base, called " hangnails." Finger 
nails should be kept short, just a bit beyond 
the fleshy tip of the finger. 

The nails of the toes should be kept as 
carefully as those of the hands. In summer 
a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent 
the odor of perspiration. 

The fashions for parting the hair change 
with the times. At present it is the direct 
part in the middle which is most fashionable. 
Very young men wear their hair unusually 
long, but this fad is uncleanly. The hair 
should be cut at least once a month, and a 
glimpse of the skin of the neck should al- 
ways intervene between the roots and the 
collar. 

Pomatums and greases and scents of all 
kinds are sticky and injurious. If you suffer 
with dryness of the scalp rub a little vaseline 
into it occasionally. Washings with tar soap 
or with a little alcohol and rosemary are bene- 
ficial. The scalp should be well brushed with 
moderately firm but not hard bristles. The 
best brushes are those without handles, known 
as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair. 
Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is 
apt to irritate the scalp and provoke dandruff, 



22 ®f)e Cffotttplete Bachelor. 



which can be allayed by brushing, shampoo- 
ing, and the use of borax and warm water. 

Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial 
now and then, and the vigorous massage after 
a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. 
A man should be scrupulously neat about his 
toilet articles and appliances. In your bath- 
room you should have a rack for your coarse 
and fine towels. Always place the towel you 
have used at the side of a stationary or on the 
back of a movable tub to dry. See that the 
soap is removed from your sponges, and once 
a fortnight clean them in one quarter of an 
ounce of borax dissolved in tepid water. Let 
them soak for an hour, and squeeze them out 
in clean water. 

Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put 
into a quart of hot water. The brush must be 
dipped downward so as not to wet the back. 
When they are cleansed they can be rinsed in 
cold water and stood on their side, after the 
water is shaken out, until quite dry. 

Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, 
after using, so that the water will not soak in 
and crack their backs. 

A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or 
wood, should be of one distinctive style and 
material. Tooth and nail brushes should never 



QL\)c Cacljeior SToilct. 23 



have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes 
with silver backs are very smart. They should 
be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and 
occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. 
Your bureau or dressing table is the place for 
the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the 
toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such 
smaller articles. Your nail and tooth brushes 
and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your 
sponges are best put in a little wire basket at 
the side of the wash-hand stand, or the im- 
movable washstand if your room or bath- 
room has the latter convenience. 

Your bedroom should be ventilated and all 
the windows opened after you leave it, and 
you should have at least one window up dur- 
ing your sleeping hours. If you have a mov- 
able tub see that it is aired each morning after 
using. 

Always make a change of clothes and of 
shoes when you come in from a busy day and 
from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so 
much as lounging about your room in them. 
And last but not least, as it contains the essen- 
tial of all these rules and hints, be always im- 
maculately clean. 



CHAPTER IV. 

THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES. 

There are comparatively few men who can 
afford the luxury of a good valet, and that per- 
sonage himself, when found thoroughly com- 
petent, is indeed a treasure. But it is an ab- 
surd mistake for any one to think that a valet 
is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour 
for the care -of your clothes every day, you can 
be just as well turned out as if you hired an 
expensive servant. Even if you have indulged 
in the luxury of a valet, you yourself should 
know all about looking after your wardrobe. 

Whenever you change your clothes you 
should first empty all your pockets. Then, as 
soon as each garment is removed, it should be 
vigorously shaken and brushed before it is 
folded and put away. Never hang coats, trou- 
sers, or waistcoats ; always fold them. Wire 
coat hangers and trousers stretchers ruin 
clothes. Whisk brooms are useful only when 

24 



®l)e dare of a Bachelor's (Jllotl)cs. 25 



an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take 
a clothes brush and give your coat, as soon as 
you take it off, a thorough brushing, and hold 
it to the light, so that no particle of dust may 
escape your eye. The coat is then folded ex- 
actly in half lengthwise, sleeve to sleeve, the 
lining on the outside. With evening coats it is 
sometimes necessary to fold the sleeves in half, 
owing to the shortness of the waist. In pack- 
ing a trunk the same method is used, only the 
sleeves are stuffed with tissue paper to avoid 
possible wrinkles. 

Large and bulky garments, such as over- 
coats and frock coats, should be folded in trip- 
licate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first 
fold on both sides, the right and the left, so 
much of the lapel and collar lengthwise as will 
cover the sleeve. This will make two folds 
from the top of the collar to the bottom of the 
skirt. Then fold the coat again in half length- 
wise, using the back as a hinge. You will 
find the same principle illustrated by a cook 
with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded in 
half, with the lining on the outside. Always 
take off your shoes and unbutton the braces 
before you remove your trousers, and fold 
them over the back of a chair, which is to 
serve you as a clothes rack. Take the trousers 
3 



26 QTtje Clotttplete JJacljdor. 



by the waist and place together the first two 
suspender buttons, one on the left and the 
other on the right. This will make the fold 
preserve the natural crease and dispose of the 
extra material, button and buttonhole tab at 
the waist. Trousers carefully folded will only 
need pressing about twice a year. Hose 
should be well shaken, and unless perfectly 
clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Even- 
ing silk hose can be worn several times. The 
undervest, or undershirt, and the drawers 
should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, 
and hung on the back of the same chair where 
you have already placed your hose. All these 
intimate garments are to be aired, and the 
chair on which you have hung them taken to 
the window. 

Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your 
clothes. If you are in very limited quarters, 
six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient 
for all your belongings. The evening clothes 
occupy one drawer or shelf, and the morning 
and afternoon suits the other or two others. 
The remainder will be for linen, underclothing, 
ties, and handkerchiefs. 

Between each suit of clothes there should 
be laid a newspaper; those publications which 
use the blackest of printer's ink — the surest an- 



tidote for moths — being the best for this pur- 
pose. Cover the top of each pile of clothes, 
when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean 
towel. 

In a chest with four drawers the bottom 
one should be used for underclothes, the top 
for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two 
intermediate for your linen. The closet will 
have to serve for your suits of clothes, or, in 
lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the last- 
mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes 
out of season, carefully laid away with a 
full complement of newspaper and cam- 
phor. 

When you remove your shirt at night, or 
when you change for dinner, be careful to take 
out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you 
intend to wear the garment again. In that 
case, hang it up in your closet. 

The first gift which a bachelor usually re- 
ceives from his sister or his sweetheart is a 
handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise 
you to purchase what is a standard Christmas 
offering. Keep your handkerchiefs in this, 
your neatly folded ties in the second division 
of the drawer, and your hose in the third. If 
you should have a silver and plush pincushion 
with a movable top, your small articles of jew- 



28 ®l)e (Complete Bachelor. 



elry go in its interior, or in a small box in the 
top drawer. 

Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt 
hats should never be brushed with a whisk 
broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum 
a soft brush with a pliable plush back, which 
will do for smoothing your silk hat, the bristles 
to be applied in removing the dust. A silk 
handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Fre- 
quent ironing destroys the nap. Straw hats 
can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with 
the half of a lemon, then taking an old nail 
brush and some brown soap and water and 
giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you 
should take heavy books and lay them on the 
brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several 
towels rolled into a firm ball, or a book which 
will fit exactly, should be placed inside the 
crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not re- 
move the weights until this is accomplished. 
You will find your straw as good as new and 
the shape preserved. The writer has tried 
this with great success. 

Boots and shoes when not in use should be 
put on wooden trees to keep them in shape. 
As trees are rather expensive, one can use 
paper and stuff it inside the boot or shoe. 
This will not prove a bad substitute. With 



®l)e (Slave of a Bacljelor s GIlol^s. 29 



patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the 
toes prevents the leather from wrinkling, and 
in this instance the very cheap material is better 
than the more expensive appliance. Patent 
leathers must be creamed and rubbed with a 
chamois cloth or linen or flannel rag after all 
mud and dust have first been removed. This 
operation should be repeated daily. Some 
men maintain that patent leathers should be 
varnished as soon as they come home from the 
bootmaker, but I disagree with them. A var- 
nished patent leather has always a cheap look, 
and the coat of veneer is only applied as a last 
resort, to hide the cracks. Russet boots and 
shoes are treated daily with the special cream 
sold for them, which can be obtained at any 
bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price is small, 
and the stuff will last a long time. Russet 
boots, however, can be very well treated with 
a little vaseline, but that product will not give 
them the deep-brown color which is so fash- 
ionable. The soles of boots and shoes should 
be painted black. When a man is obliged to 
kneel in any ceremony, the sight of white or 
yellow gleaming soles is absurd. 

In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to 
turn up the bottoms of your trousers, to keep 
them from fraying. 



30 ®f)e (Jtomplete Bachelor. 



I would suggest a general overhauling of 
clothes about once a month. At the end of 
each season the heavy or light garments should 
receive a final brushing and be stored away in 
a trunk, chest, or spare room with, as I have 
already advised, newspapers between them, 
and some camphor or moth destroyer as an 
extra precaution. Overcoats, which are in 
such general use, may be hung during their 
season of service, but should be frequently 
brushed and well shaken. 

The economy of space thus observed in 
the arrangement of clothes in a room will 
make it an easy matter when about to travel 
to pack one's wardrobe in a trunk. 

A shoe bag is a great convenience. A sim- 
ple canvas arrangement can be purchased very 
cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make 
you one. Your shoes should be placed in this 
and put at the bottom of the trunk in a corner. 
Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and 
boots in paper. If you travel with two trunks, 
one should be reserved for your outer. garments 
and the other for your shirts and underclothes. 
With one trunk, a shirt box is as much an arti- 
cle to be desired as a shoe bag, but in lieu of 
this the shirts should be placed in the first or 
top tray, the underclothes and hose in the sec- 



STtje (Care of a Bachelor's Cloths. 31 



ond, and the outer garments in the bottom. A 
small space in the top can be reserved for your 
ties and handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are car- 
ried in a hand bag; waterproofs, overcoats, 
and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl 
strap. Your silk hat has but one place, and 
that is in a hatbox. You can put a Derby in 
a corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be 
ruined. 

When a long journey is taken, it is economy 
in the end to purchase an extra steamer trunk 
for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are 
not expensive, and you will find that by not 
crowding your clothes you will save in the 
long run. 

Always keep in your room a small bottle 
of a good grease-remover as well as one of 
ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for 
general cleaning purposes. An expenditure of 
a little over a quarter of a dollar will provide 
you with these necessaries. 

Never lounge around your room in your 
street or evening dress. If you are to stay 
awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off 
your clothes and put on a bath robe or your py- 
jamas if you do not possess a dressing gown, 
which is not a necessity. 

At your office you should always have an 



32 ®lie Complete Bachelor. 



old coat to wear, and if it be summer have one 
of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, 
even at one's place of business, is not charac- 
teristic of the gentleman. 

The Cost of Clothes. 

Every young man starting in life and 
wishing naturally to take a part in social func- 
tions and to become a member of that body 
indefinitely known as society, is confronted 
with the problem of clothes. A few years 
ago the ordinary changes of morning, after- 
noon, and evening were all that were requisite, 
but to-day, with special costumes for various 
sports and pastimes, the outlook at first glance 
to one of limited income is not encouraging. 
And yet a man with a modest salary can dress 
very well on two to three hundred dollars a 
year, and even less. It is only the first step 
which costs. One must have a foundation or 
a slight capital with which to start. After 
that with a little care expenses can be easily 
regulated. 

The evening suit is the most expensive 
essential of a man's wardrobe. This he is 
obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting 
a suit of this kind, to have it of good material 



QL\)c (Hare of a Bachelor's QTlotfjes. 33 



from a good tailor, after a model not too pro- 
nounced, so that in case of any small altera- 
tion in the fashions it can survive a season or 
two. With proper care your evening suit 
should last at least five years. During the 
first two or three it should be your costume 
for formal occasions. During the third season 
you might possibly have another pair of trou- 
sers made or renew the waistcoat or even the 
coat. When you find yourself, thus by the 
principles of the doctrine of the survival of the 
fittest, the possessor of two evening suits, use 
the old one for theaters and small dinners, and 
the best for the formal functions. White waist- 
coats are very smart for evening wear, and an 
investment in one or two of these during the 
course of a season will save the waistcoat of 
the evening suit. The prices of evening suits 
vary. The most fashionable Fifth Avenue 
tailors charge as much as one hundred and 
twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue 
that this sum insures an excellent investment. 
However, you can have an excellent one made 
by a good tailor for an outlay of about forty 
dollars. The large retail clothing shops have 
a custom department, and that is their figure 
for an evening suit made to order. You can 
even have one for twenty-five dollars, but I 



34 ®f)e Complete Bachelor. 



would not spend a less amount. Superintend 
the making of it yourself. Some men have 
adjustable figures, and they can purchase their 
clothes from the block — that is, ready-made. 
The only fault to find with these garments is 
their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any, the 
lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if 
these affairs had been turned out by the dozen. 

White waistcoats for evening wear are, 
however, somewhat in the nature of luxuries. 
They are difficult to have laundered, and some 
very smart men object to having them sent to 
the wash, and would not wear one after it has 
gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue 
tailor will charge as much as twenty dollars 
for a white duck waistcoat made to order. It 
may fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not 
look a whit better than the ready-made which 
you can purchase at a haberdasher's for from 
three to five dollars. 

A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in 
another chapter, is almost a necessity. It is 
really a saving. If you can not afford to have 
an entire suit of this kind made you may 
simply have the jacket, which will cost from 
twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with 
the trousers and waistcoat, and keep it to be 
part of your informal evening dress. 



®f)e (Care of a Sactyelor's QTlotliea. 35 



I have known men to have their black 
sack coats or old black diagonal cutaways or 
old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by 
the cutting off of tails, the substitution of a silk 
collar, or some other alteration. A sack coat is 
easily arranged, and any little tailor around the 
corner will make the metamorphosis for three 
dollars. Suppose you have had one of your 
old coats transformed into a Tuxedo. You 
can purchase, if you do not wish to have 
made, a pair of black trousers of the same ma- 
terial for a very few dollars, and an old black 
waistcoat, which went with the original coat, 
can also be altered. Remember that a Tuxedo 
dinner coat has not to be of a certain material. 
It must be black and have a silk collar. It is 
really neglige. 

You should start with a capital of at least 
six evening shirts. If you are a wealthy man 
these will cost possibly, made to order, as high 
as fifty-six dollars, but you can also have ex- 
cellent ones for nine dollars. It is considered 
smart to have the collars attached, but not 
necessary. The cuffs, however, should be al- 
ways a part of the shirt. 

White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five 
cents a piece. Always state the number of 
collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, 



36 ®l]e (Complete Bachelor. 



and you will never have cause to complain of 
the length. 

Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, 
are from eight to nine dollars. You can get 
them much cheaper ready made, but the only 
trouble with them is that they are not usually 
good fits, and that in future years you will 
have cause to regret this economy. Of black 
silk stockings, of which you will need two or 
three pair, you can have a choice from a dollar 
and a half to six dollars a pair. 

I would advise the purchase of two busi- 
ness or lounge suits a year for the first three 
years. In making this estimate I can hardly 
suppose that you are in the state of Adam, and 
I would advise you to wear your old suit in 
winter especially, and on rainy and stormy 
days. Your overcoat will conceal it in the 
street, and at the office the older the clothes 
the better. The pivotal points of a man are 
his hat, boots, and tie. Have these perfectly 
correct, and the rest will take care of itself. 

For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such 
as Scotch homespun or rough cheviot or tweed. 
Brown and gray mixtures are always fashion- 
able and wear well. 

In summer a light-gray check or a blue 
cheviot or flannel are always smart. 



QLaxt of a JJctctyclor's diotfics. 37 



Thus making an old suit of the year before 
alternate with the new one, you will find that 
eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you be 
a well-groomed man. 

A half dozen colored shirts for morning 
wear are necessary, with attached cuffs but de- 
tached collars. Every now and then 1 would 
invest a few dollars in shirts, and before you 
know it you will have a large supply. As 
dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired 
at any of the many places which you will find 
advertised, and use them for morning shirts. 

Six changes of underwear — merino or wool 
— and a dozen balbriggan or woolen hose will 
be sufficient. Summer underwear is very 
cheap, and you can get a light merino suit 
for one dollar. A four-dollar investment will 
last several seasons. Good winter underwear 
is expensive, costing four or five dollars a suit. 

Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very 
effective and pretty, can be had for a dollar and 
a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of these 
— two for summer and two for winter — will 
last at least two years. 

A man must have, besides his dancing 
pumps, a pair of patent-leather walking boots 
and a pair of stout common boots for every- 
day wear. If you can afford it, have two pair 



38 ®l)£ (Homplete JJacfyelor. 



of boots made at the same time, or even more. 
An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say 
eight dollars a pair, would be excellent. You 
can change daily, and they will last you over a 
period of two or three or more years. 

The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. 
Unless you frequent afternoon teas or make 
many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at wed- 
dings in any city but New York, the frock coat 
is not, for the first three or four years of your 
career, an absolute necessity. In New York, 
however, where calls are only made in the 
afternoon, it must form a part of your ward- 
robe. 

A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty 
dollars; seventy-five to one hundred dollars is 
charged by the most expensive tailors. When 
you order it, see that it is not in the extreme 
of fashion. The conservative garment will last 
a number of years. The material, as I have al- 
ready suggested in another chapter, must be of 
rough worsted, vicuna, or material of that kind, 
and never of broadcloth. 

With it you must have a pair of " fancy" 
or cashmere trousers. These will cost from 
eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you 
several years. In fact, the purchasing of v the 
afternoon suit in one way is excellent: it does 



®I)e (Have of a Bachelor's (Elotfjea. 39 



not have to be renewed as often as other parts 
of your wardrobe. It stays practically in fash- 
ion, with little deviation, for almost a decade. 

The silk hat, which is necessary for the 
afternoon suit, is one of the most expensive 
items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must 
be of the prevailing mode. Autumn is the 
best time for purchasing, as you can dispense 
with it after May, except on very special occa- 
sions. Two Derbies — one for autumn and the 
other for spring — at from two to four dollars, 
or only one, for that matter, to last through 
the entire eight months, and a straw hat, from 
two to four dollars, will be the entire amount 
expended for headgear by the very best-dressed 
men. For a Derby you can substitute an Al- 
pine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is a 
luxury, and you can wear with your evening 
suit your top hat of the year before, which you 
can christen your " night hawk." 

Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an 
expensive item. However, the purchase of 
these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen 
dollars would do beautifully for enamel or plain 
gold. 

Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit 
a man on this expenditure. Many invest in 
them as a fad, picking them up here and there, 



40 ®1)£ Complete Bachelor. 



and thus accumulating a large assortment. A 
little judgment in purchasing will allow you to 
acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you give 
your personal supervision to the making of 
your clothes you can employ a cheap tailor 
who will turn out very good work. For fash- 
ion plates, I do not know of any better than 
Du Maurier's pictures of smart London men in 
the London Punch. Watch the sales in the 
autumn and the late spring for bargains in 
haberdashery. Study well the advice given 
in the chapter on the Care of Clothes in this 
book, and you will find therein that which 
will certainly teach you economy. 



CHAPTER V. 

INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS. 

Formal introductions are not in vogue in 
this country. The nearest approach to it is 
when one is desirous of introducing a stranger 
or one of his particular friends to another. 
When you desire to present a man to a woman 

you must ask her if you may bring Mr. to 

her house. In New York the customary time 
for such visits is in the afternoon, between four 
and six. In introducing men to one another 
it is unnecessary to make a formal appointment. 
In presenting a man to a woman her permis- 
sion must first be asked. The formula is, 
" Mrs. C , may I present Mr. D ? " In- 
formal introductions may be made between 
people visiting in the same house by simply 

saying, "Mrs. D , may I present Mr. 

B ?" or "Mr. F , do you know Mr. 

C ?" These informal introductions need 

4 41 



42 QLl)c (Eompkte jSactydor. 



not be recognized afterward unless mutually 
agreeable. 

Introductions are never made in the street 
or in public places of any kind, or in public 
conveyances, unless under exceptional circum- 
stances. It is extremely bad form to introduce 
a guest on his entrance into a room to more 
than one other. Wholesale introductions are 
not the custom in New York. General intro- 
ductions are not made at a dinner or at any 
function. People are sufficiently well bred to 
engage in general conversation when in the 
houses of their friends, even if they do not 
know each other, and not to take advantage of 
the circumstances afterward. 

At any function at which the guests are 
told off, the host or hostess only presents the 
man to the woman whom he is to take down. 
A man never shakes hands upon being pre- 
sented to a woman, but always on being in- 
troduced to a man. A man should never shake 
hands with a woman while wearing his gloves 
unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will 
give her hand to you when you make your 
obeisance. After being presented, an invita- 
tion is apt to follow. It may be, 4 'Drop in 
to tea any afternoon/' or simply, "I would 
be glad to have you call.'' This invitation 



Introductions, ^mutations, anb Qtalls. 43 



should always come from a married woman. 
Unmarried women do not ask young men to 
call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, 
or the mother of the young woman may say, 
"We should be pleased to have you call, Mr. 
Smith." 

In New York and in many of the larger 
cities, as has already been stated, the proper 
time for a man to call on a woman is between 
the hours of four and six in the afternoon. 
Sometimes women have " days " in the season, 
and you should pay your call on one of them. 
Otherwise any afternoon may do, and you can 
use Sunday for this purpose after three o'clock. 

Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In 
those places where evening calls are made a 
man must wear formal evening dress. 

On the opening of the door by the servant, 
a man asks of him whether the hostess or "the 
ladies " are at home. This will depend on the 
number of the members of the family receiving. 
He gives to the domestic the proper number of 
cards. The servant precedes him, opens the 
drawing-room door for him, and in some ultra 
English houses he is announced. His card or 
cards have been deposited on the silver tray 
which the servant has presented to him in the 
hall and left there. A visiting card is never 



44 ®f)e Complete Bachelor. 



brought into the drawing room. A man on 
a first or a formal call carries his stick and 
hat into the drawing room with him. To 
4 4 hang his hat" in the hall shows great in- 
timacy — even relationship — in the house. He, 
however, should leave there his overcoat and 
his rubbers and umbrella. His hostess will 
advance to meet him, and will extend to 
him her right hand with a somewhat stiff 
angular motion, and he should shake it with 
a quick nervous movement of his right. He 
should neither grasp nor squeeze her hand, 
nor should he attempt that absurd so-called 
British shake in the air, which is never prac- 
ticed except by player folk. A man removes his 
glove from his right hand on entering the draw- 
ing room, and holds this with his stick and hat 
in his left. The hat should be at an angle, the 
top about level with his nose. At weddings, 
the opera, and dances, where a woman is 
gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, 
does not remove his gloves. On ordinary oc- 
casions a woman is seldom gloved in her own 
drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is 
not usually expected. Should the hostess be 
gloved, as at a large affair, such as a formal or 
wedding reception, a man shakes hands with 
her with them on. 



Sniroiwctions, Smritations, axib alalia. 45 



Tea is generally served in the afternoon on 
a tray with wafers, little cakes, and sometimes 
sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup 
of tea, a doylie will be given you, which place 
upon your knee. When another caller enters 
the room stand up, whether it is a woman or 
a man. Ten minutes is all that is necessary 
for a formal call. It is less awkward to leave 
when a new caller is announced. Shake hands 
with your hostess and bow to the people pres- 
ent. Leave the room sideways, so as not to 
turn your back upon the company, and bow 
to them as you reach the door, thus bowing 
yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer 
or a sitter. No men are more dreaded in society 
than these wretched bores. The first arrivals 
leave first. Freezing out is not known in good 
society. 

Calls should be made after every civility 
extended and every invitation accepted or re- 
gretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, 
deaths in families, etc., as fully explained in 
the chapter on card-leaving. 

A letter of introduction is always sent, 
never left in person. Calls at the theater or in 
opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are 
not accepted as formal. A man enters an opera 
box, stands, and bows. His hostess will turn 



46 ®l)c QTomplete Bachelor. 



around and greet him. He will then, if there 
is a vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a 
little while, leaving on the arrival of another 
caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be 
applied also to those made in the evening. 

If no day is set for a first call, a man is ex- 
pected to drop in any afternoon within ten 
days after the invitation. The sooner a call is 
made the greater the compliment. A second 
call may be made within two or three months; 
after that once or twice a year, as intimacy 
permits. A man is never asked to dinner or 
to any function at a house at which he has not 
first called. The usual form of a dinner invi- 
tation, the hostess being married, reads : 

My dear Mr. Smith : 

Willy ott dine with us, most informally, 
on Wednesday, December the ninth, at eight 
o'clock ? Hoping that you have no engagement 
for that evening, believe me, 

Yours very sincerely, 

Alice de Tompkins. 

November thirtieth. 

An answer to an invitation like this, which 
should be sent within twenty-four hours, 
reads : 



SntrDimctiDtts, 3nmtations, emir (Calls. 47 



My dear Mrs. de Tompkins : 

It will give me great pleasure to dine with 
you on Wednesday evening, December the 
ninth, at eight o'clock. With many thanks 
for your kind thought of me, 

Yours very sincerely, 

Algernon Smith. 

December first. 

Or, in the case of a formal dinner consist- 
ing of more than ten or twelve guests: 
Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins 
request the pleasure of 

Mr. Smith's 
company at dinner on 
Wednesday evening, December 
the ninth, at eight o'clock. 

The answer reads : 

Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr., 
accepts with pleasure 
Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's 
hind invitation for 
Wednesday evening, December the ninth, 

at eight o'clock. 
December first. 

Answers to formal luncheon invitations are 
written in the same manner, only changing the 
hours, etc. 



48 ®l)e (Uomplete Ratt)elov. 



Informal invitations to breakfasts and lunch- 
eons will be treated in the chapter on that sub- 
ject. 

The form of an invitation to a private 
dance is: 

Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the 
pleasure of Mr. Algernon Smith's company 
on Friday evening, January the ninth, at 
nine o'clock. 

R. S. V. P. Dancing. 

The answer to this would be similarly 
worded as in case of the formal dinner. As 
dance invitations are usually sent out three 
weeks in advance, three days' grace is allowed 
for the answer. 

When an invitation is received to a sub- 
scription ball, like the assemblies in various 
cities, you should acknowledge it, by your 
acceptance or regret, to the subscriber send- 
ing it; but when an invitation is received from 
a ball committee, you should accept as follows: 

Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with 
pleasure the committee's kind invitation for 
Thursday evening, February the fifteenth. 

January second. 



CHAPTER VI. 



CARDS. 

There is only one visiting card in vogue for 
a man. It must be of plain white bristol board, 
unglazed, about three or four inches in length 
and about two inches in width. The name 
should be engraved, not printed, in the middle 
of the card, in small copperplate type, without 
ornamentation of any kind. The prefix "Mr." 
is always used unless the person is a physician, 
in which case he can place "Dr." before his 
name, or a clergyman, when he may use the 
"Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according to 
his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as cap- 
tain or above, should put their rank on their 
cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. 
The address is placed underneath the name in 
smaller type and in the right-hand corner. If 
an address, however, is that of a man's club, it 
should be engraved on the left hand. A man's 
card should also contain his Christian as well 

49 



5o ®l)e (jrcmplete ©acljeior. 



as his surname. If he possesses two Christian 
names, or any distinctive family name, that 
should also be given, so that his appellation 
is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John 
William Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," 
"Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant." Visit- 
ing cards should be kept in a small case of seal- 
skin or black or Russia leather and carried in 
the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if small 
enough more conveniently in the waistcoat 
pocket. Card cases should be stamped with 
initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting 
cards should never be carried loose in the 
pocket. A card is left in person the day after 
a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a 
week at latest after a ball. Civility must be 
returned by civility, and cards must be left on 
every occasion on which a call is necessary. 
Cards should not be sent by mail, unless when 
about to leave the country, or under circum- 
stances where it is impossible to make a per- 
sonal call. On leaving the country you should 
write the initials P. P. C. (pour prendre 
conge) in the right-hand corner. In New 
York many men send cards by mail, offering 
the excuse that the city is too large to get 
about to make personal calls. This is only a 
flimsy pretext, and should have no weight. 



<&axbB. 



The question of how many cards to leave 
is one which seems to bewilder most people. 
The general rule is a card to each person. 
This will have to be explained. When you 
call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a 
card for each — two cards. When you call on 
Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Misses Smith, 
three cards, the young ladies counting as a 
unit. For Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the Misses 
Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones 
staying with them, four cards — Mrs. Jones be- 
ing entitled to the fourth. If Mr. Jones is also 
stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for 
him. For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses 
Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith (widower) 
and the Misses Smith, two cards. 

In mailing cards, address them on the en- 
velope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith," or 
"Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The 
Misses Brown-Smith," the one under the other. 
Never write on your cards " For Mr. and Mrs. 
John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never 
leave cards for people who have not asked you 
to call. When friends from another city, who 
have entertained you or who have been polite 
to you, should arrive in your own city, you 
should immediately call and leave cards for 
them. In that case, should you even not be 



52 ®l)c (Eotttplete Bachelor. 



acquainted with their host and hostess, it 
would be civil to leave cards also for them. 

After a wedding, if invited to the reception, 
you must personally leave cards at the house 
where the reception has been given for your 
host and hostess, and also for the young couple 
when they return from their bridal trip. Two 
cards at each place will be sufficient in this 
case. When invited to the church only, leave 
or send cards to the bride's parents and the 
young couple. As the card to the church only, 
is rather an equivocal compliment, mailing 
cards in this case could be excused. Leave 
personally cards for the patroness who has 
asked you to a subscription ball, within a 
week after the invitation. In cases of death, 
leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to 
letters of condolence, it is best to send your 
cards with the words " Thank you for your 
kind sympathy " written thereon. For mourn- 
ing, use the same size or style of card, but 
with a narrow or deep border as befits the 
nearness of degree of relationship with the de- 
ceased. The deepest border permissible is 
about a quarter of an inch. 

It is bad form to bend cards or to turn 
down the corners thereof. These signs mean 
nothing now in good society. In calling — it 



53 



may be repeated here — you ask, if there are 
more than one of the fair sex in the house, for 
"the ladies," and hand the servant the num- 
ber of cards necessary. He takes them on a 
silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes 
before you, and announces you. Your card is 
never taken to the lady of the house, unless it 
is a business call. 



CHAPTER VII. 

THE DINER-OUT. 

When I speak of the " diner-out/' I include 
under this title the bachelor guest not only at 
dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. 
The formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, 
and the first meal in a household is purely a 
family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday 
at one or two o'clock are in New York fre- 
quently called breakfasts, because I believe 
many fashionable people do not want the im- 
pression to go abroad that even once a week 
they dine in the middle of the day. The lunch- 
eon after a day wedding ceremony is also called 
a breakfast, but this, like the Sunday meal, is 
simply a title by courtesy. 

Luncheons, where men are guests, are 
popular entertainments at all the large summer 
resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar 
Harbor, as well as at the more celebrated of 
the Western and Pacific watering places and 

54 



®t)£ miner-©!*!. 



55 



the winter cities of the South. In New York 
and other great centers, where there exists a 
number of gentlemen of leisure, these enter- 
tainments are greatly in vogue, and in Wash- 
ington they sometimes assume the color of 
diplomatic functions. 

The hour for a luncheon is half past one 
o'clock, and sometimes it is advanced to two. 
All guests are expected to be punctual to the 
minute and to take advantage even of the quar- 
ter of an hour latitude is bad form. Better a 
little too early than too late. However, do not 
make yourself ridiculous by appearing on the 
scene too soon. Bear in mind that the reputa- 
tion of being the 'Mate Mr. Smith" is not 
enviable. A tardy guest only accentuates his 
own insignificance. This rule applies to din- 
ners and suppers and to all entertainments 
where you are a guest, with only one excep- 
tion — dances, where you have an hour's grace. 

Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. 
Men have attended them in lounge suits, but 
it is more courteous to your hostess to appear 
in afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks 
are left in the hall. Your gloves are removed 
in the drawing room. When luncheon is an- 
nounced, unless it is a very formal affair, your 
hostess leads the way to the dining room, and 



56 ®l)e Complete Bachelor. 



she is followed by her guests, women and 
men, not in procession. The men, of course, 
must allow the fairer sex to pass before them 
through the drawing-room door and into the 
dining room. Luncheon mentis consist of oys- 
ters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and 
saturated with maraschino for the first course. 
This is followed by bouillon, an entree, a roast 
or chops with peas, or broiled chicken, salad 
with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and liqueurs. 
Sherry and claret are the wines, and sometimes 
champagne is served. 

A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and 
the men are left to smoke at dessert. How- 
ever, sometimes this formality is waived. 

Dinner invitations are sent out at least a 
fortnight in advance. In the New York season 
sometimes they are issued a full month before 
the event. They must, under all circumstances, 
be answered within twenty-four hours, and 
cards left on your prospective host and hostess 
within a week. 

The fashionable hours for dining are be- 
tween half past seven and eight o'clock. Din- 
ners being formal evening functions, formal 
evening dress is essential. 

Except at very small houses and apart- 
ments, two rooms are reserved — one for the 



(Diner- QDut. 



57 



men and the other for the ladies — as dressing 
rooms. Your hat, coat, and outdoor attire are 
removed, and a servant will assist you in 
arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of 
feeing these attendants, even at private houses, 
has been somewhat in vogue in a very " smart " 
and wealthy set in New York. It is not good 
form, and I would advise you against it. 

The servant who announces you, hands you 
a small envelope on which is written your 
name. This incloses a card on which is the 
name of the lady whom you are to take in 
to dinner. After exchanging greetings with 
your hostess and removing your gloves, you 
should endeavor to find your partner and en- 
gage in some preliminary conversation. Should 
you not have been presented to her, inform your 
hostess of this fact, and you will be at once in- 
troduced. Dinner is announced by the butler 
entering the drawing room and saying, "Din- 
ner is served." The host leads the way with 
the woman guest of honor, and you are as- 
signed your place in the procession by the 
hostess, who comes last with the man guest 
of honor. Each man offers his right arm to 
his fair partner. In the dining room, cards are 
placed at each cover with the names of the 
guests inscribed thereon. Even should there 
5 



58 (Stompkte Bachelor. 



be a retinue of servants, pull back the chair of 
your partner and assist her to seat herself. In 
some old-fashioned houses grace is said, and 
it is always the rule when a clergyman is one 
of the guests. This blessing is asked after the 
company is seated. 

During dinner you must devote yourself to 
the comfort and entertainment of the woman 
whom you have taken in. She must be your 
first care, although there may be some one on 
your other side, or opposite, who is more con- 
genial to you. Talking across the table is 
very bad form. Let your conversation be 
pleasant and general, but avoid politics, reli- 
gion, and personal criticisms. 

There is no form for refusing wine, if it is 
against your scruples to drink it. Do not thus 
force your personal prejudices on your host by 
making any demonstration, such as putting 
your finger over the glass or shaking your 
head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, 
but do not drink the contents. The question 
of waste is not to be considered; and if you 
are a man with firm principles regarding total 
abstinence, in your heart you should rejoice 
that at least a quota of the fluid will do no 
harm. 

The hostess gives the signal at dessert for 



®[)e EDiner-QDut. 



59 



the ladies to retire to the drawing room. 
Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the 
table in solemn procession, the man nearest 
the door opening it for them. A prettier cus- 
tom, and one much in vogue in New York, is 
the escorting of the ladies by the men to the 
drawing room, the host leading the way. 
When the drawing-room door is reached the 
men bow and retire again to the dining room, 
where coffee, liqueurs, and cigars are served. 
At the end of a half hour they return to the 
drawing room. Another half hour of conver- 
sation, during which sometimes there is dan- 
cing, and the guests make their adieus to their 
hostess and host and leave. On bidding good- 
night, always assure your hostess of the pleas- 
ant evening which you have enjoyed. 

Progressive dinners are sometimes given, 
although now almost obsolete. Small tables 
are arranged for these with parties of four or 
six at each table. The guests change places 
at each course, the signal for this being given 
by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies re- 
main in their seats. As there will not be a 
fresh napkin provided at each course, a man 
brings his with him from his first table. 

Public dinners, except when given by cer- 
tain church, debating, or literary societies, are 



6o Clompkte Bachelor. 



stag affairs. The guests assemble at the res- 
taurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to 
be held, and deposit their hats, coats, and 
walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A 
ticket is given with the number of your rack 
upon it, and a small fee — usually twenty-five 
cents — is expected. The guests assemble in 
one of the smaller drawing rooms, and each 
one is handed a plan of the tables with the 
location of his cover designated by his name 
upon it. A procession is formed, the guests 
of honor and reception committee leading, to 
the banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are 
in order. 

Dinner dances are a form of entertainment 
where dinner is followed by a dance, other 
guests coming in from other dinner parties and 
meeting at one house which has been agreed 
upon as the place where the dance is to take 
place. A short time after dinner, at each of 
the other houses, the guests are conveyed 
thereform in carriages, or, better yet, in 
stages, to the general rendezvous. Calls are 
due within the week at the house where you 
have dined as well as at the one at which you 
have danced. 

Supper etiquette differs but little from that 
observed at dinners. The occasion is a bit 



?Dnur~<©ut. 



61 



more informal and the menu not so elaborate. 
The etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the 
chapter on The Dance, and suppers after the 
play, at restaurants and clubs, being favorite 
bachelor entertainments, will be explained in 
that part of this book reserved for the Bachelor 
as Host. 



CHAPTER VIII. 

A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS. 

Many of the cautions contained in this 
chapter will seem elementary in their nature. 
But one expects in a book of this kind to see 
the old familiar "don'ts," and their absence 
would perhaps deter from the usefulness of 
The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, 
suggest a careful study of that clever brochure, 
entitled Don't, which would refresh the mem- 
ory on many points not within the scope of 
this work. It is really quite surprising to see 
how few men have perfect table manners. 
The American is unfortunately too often in 
a hurry. He bolts his food. He is a victim 
of the " quick-lunch system. Again, a 
bachelor eating a solitary meal at a club or a 
restaurant is apt from sheer loneliness to try 
and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill 
yourself into eating leisurely. Persons of re- 
finement take only small morsels at a time. 

62 



& (Eobe of Sable ittanners. 63 



One can not be too dainty at table. To at- 
tempt to talk while your mouth is full is an- 
other vulgarity upon which it is needless to 
dwell. The French have made us the reproach 
that we frequently drink while our mouths are 
in this condition. I fear there is some founda- 
tion for this accusation. Wipe your mouth 
carefully before putting a glass to your lips. 
Grease stains around the edge of a goblet or 
wineglass are silent but telltale witnesses of 
careless habits. 

The napkin is an embarrassing article to 
many men. Its place is on the lap and not 
tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned 
around the neck. When one arises from the 
table, the napkin is thrown carelessly on it, 
unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over. 

Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they 
do not sit squarely or firmly at table, their 
chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate 
with their knives and forks, or they beat dis- 
mal tattoos with them against their plates. 
These same timid minds find vent for inspira- 
tion in the crumbs of the bread, of which they 
involuntarily make little figures or small round 
balls. The economist, another person on the 
list, plasters his food, taking a bit of potato, a 
little tomato, and a good-sized square of meat 



64 ®f)e Complete Biutjekrr. 



as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits 
one on the other, prepares of them a delectable 
poultice which he swallows at a mouthful. 1 
pass over the man who leaves traces of each 
meal on his shirt or his clothes. Such a being, 
I have no doubt, would convey food to his 
mouth with his knife, would blow on his 
soup, tea, or coffee with the idea of cooling it, 
or would pour the two latter cheering fluids 
into a saucer and drink them therefrom. 

The caution to keep one's hands above the 
cloth and one's elbows out of reach of others, 
also falls under the head of kindergarten classi- 
fication. The ridiculous idea prevailing that 
one must not eat until others are served has 
passed away with many old-time fallacies. 
One commences to eat as soon as served. 
You need not proceed very actively, but you 
can take up your fork or spoon, as the case 
may be, and make at least a feint at it. 

Toasts have also fallen into "desuetude" 
at private dinners. Sometimes you will find 
an old-fashioned host who will, on touching 
his glass with his lips, bow to his guests, and 
they may wait for this signal to sip their wine, 
but the custom is utterly obsolete in large 
cities and at formal dinners. 

When you have finished the course, lay 



1 



31 Clobe of Sable manners. 65 



your knife and fork side by side on your plate, 
the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross 
them. No whistlike signals are needed to- 
day to signify that you have had sufficient to 
eat. 

Dinners are generally served a la Russe — 
that is, from the sideboard, and the dishes are 
passed around by the servants on silver trays. 
Very large plats, such as roasts and fish, are 
sometimes carried without the trays. On all 
occasions of ceremony the men servants are 
gloved. 

Carving at table is but little seen except at 
very informal dinners and in the country, 
where sometimes the master of the house 
shows off this old-fashioned accomplishment, 
especially if he has a dining room in colonial 
style and wishes to have everything in keeping. 

The question of second helpings is there- 
fore not one of moment. The servants pass 
the viands twice or more around. If a host or 
hostess serves at table, he or she will ask the 
guests whether they would like a second help- 
ing. It is never demanded. Except when ab- 
solutely necessary the handkerchief should be 
kept out of sight. It can be used in case there 
should be some sudden irritation of the skin, 
but to blow one's nose at table is disgusting. 



66 ®l)e (Complete $act)eior. 



The American bachelor takes usually a very 
light first meal. It consists of tea, coffee, or 
cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit. There 
are yet a few men who go in for the old- 
fashioned hearty breakfast with beefsteak, 
buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities 
the lighter meal is preferable. All this is, of 
course, more a matter of environment and 
hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list 
of certain viands, which society does require 
should be eaten at a special meal and in only 
one manner. With this catalogue I will close 
this chapter. 



Breakfast and Luncheon Dishes. 

Eggs. — It is much better form to have egg 
cups than egg glasses for boiled eggs. Cut the 
top of the egg off with a dexterous blow of a 
sharp knife and eat it in the shell with a small 
egg spoon. 

Sugar. — Lump sugar if served is always 
taken with the sugar tongs. 

Butter. — Butter is only served at breakfast 
or luncheon. It is passed around in a silver 
dish, with a little silver pick with which to 
spear it. Butter plates — i. e., the small round 
silver or china affairs — have given place to 



91 dobe of Sable ittanners. 



67 



bread and butter plates, which are of china 
and are somewhat larger than an ordinary 
saucer. The butter plate of a few years ago 
was never seen outside of America, and is now 
destined to vanish from our tables. It is need- 
less to add that butter is never served at 
dinner. 

Radishes. — Radishes appear at luncheon. 
Put them on your bread and butter plate and 
eat them with a little salt. 

Cantaloupes are served cut in half and filled 
with ice. They are eaten as a first course, a 
fork being better to eat them with than a 
spoon. Salt is the condiment to use with 
them, but sugar is allowable. In southern 
climates they are sometimes served at dinner 
as a separate course between the fish and 
roast. This is a Creole custom. 

Grape fruit is served as a first course (vide 
chapter Diner-Out) at a late breakfast or lunch- 
eon. It is eaten with a spoon. 

Dinner. 

The menu of to-day is simple. It consists 
of oysters or clams, according to season, soup, 
fish, entree, roast and vegetables, game and 
salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen 



68 (pe Complete Bachelor. 



punches are not served, except at public ban- 
quets and hotel table-d'hotes. 

Oysters or clams are placed on the table in 
plates for the purpose before dinner is an- 
nounced. They are imbedded in ice and ar- 
ranged around a half-sliced lemon, which is in 
the middle of the plate. Oysters or clams are 
eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that 
they should not even be cut with it, and should 
be swallowed whole. I would not advise any 
one to try this with large oysters. The oyster 
fork is the first in the number of the implements 
placed beside your plate. Condiments, such as 
pepper and salt, will be passed you. Sauterne 
is served with oysters. 

Oyster cocktails have been in vogue in place 
of oysters. These are a mixture of the bivalve 
with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and they are 
said to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten 
with a small fork from cocktail glasses. Bache- 
lors frequently serve them in place of oys- 
ters. 

Soup. — At large and formal dinners a clear 
soup is in vogue. Your soup spoon will be on 
the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten 
from the side and not from the end of the 
spoon. The motion of the hand guiding the 
spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup 



& QToire of Sable ittannnrs. 69 



in small spoonfuls, and use your napkin in wip- 
ing your mouth and mustache after each, espe- 
cially if the soup is thick or a puree. This will 
avoid the dripping of that liquid from your up- 
per lip. Never after this operation throw your 
napkin back into your lap with the greasy side 
toward your clothes, but use the inside of it 
for this purpose. 

Fish is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing 
morsels of fish around your plate with bits of 
bread is obsolete. Silver fish knives have 
been put in use, but they are not generally the 
vogue. 

Cucumbers are served with fish on the same 
plate. Little plates or saucers for cucumbers, 
vegetables, or salads are bad form. 

Sherry is served with fish. 

Celery, olives, and salted almonds are 
placed on the table in small dishes. Sometimes 
the guests are asked to help themselves, but at 
formal dinners they are passed around after the 
fish. Celery is eaten with the fingers and 
dipped in a little salt placed on the tablecloth 
or on the edge of your plate. It is also served 
as an entree raw, the stalks stuffed with Par- - 
mesan cheese. It should then be eaten with a 
fork. 

Entrees require a fork only. Among these 



70 ®l)e Complete Bachelor. 



are patties, rissoles, croquettes, and sweet- 
breads. 

Mushrooms are eaten with a fork, and served 
as a separate course in lieu of an entree. 

Terrapin is served sometimes in little silver 
saucepans either as an entree or as fish, and 
again in a chafing dish, and sometimes with 
salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner 
plat, and should be eaten with a fork. 

Asparagus is eaten, except in the intimate 
privacy of your own family circle, with a fork. 
Cut the points off with the end of the prongs. 
The stalk or white part is not eaten. It is al- 
lowable to eat it with your fingers, as I have 
said, in private. It is served after the roast as 
a special course. One can not drink cham- 
pagne with asparagus except at the risk of a 
severe headache. 

Artichokes are served as a separate course 
after the roast. They should be placed in the 
center of your plate and the inside tips of the 
leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed 
with the fingers and dipped in salt, sauce vinai- 
grette, or melted butter. The center of the 
artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is 
removed with the fork, and the heart itself, 
which is deliriously tender, is conveyed to the 
mouth with the fork. 



31 €obc of arable Ittanners. 7 1 



Champagne is served in small tumblers or 
claret glasses. The champagne stem glasses 
are out of fashion. The dry may be served 
from the fish to the close of dinner, but the old 
rule was to give it with the roast, claret with 
the entree, and Burgundy with the game. 

Salad is eaten with a fork only. In cutting 
game or poultry, the bone of either wing or 
leg should not be touched with the fingers, but 
the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the 
wing at the joint. 

Savories, a species of salt fish and cheese 
sandwich, is served in England hot, about the 
end of dinner. They should be eaten with a 
fork. Undressed salad is sometimes served 
with them, or radishes, butter, and cheese. 
This is the only occasion when one sees butter 
on a dinner table, and this at informal dinners. 
The salad undressed can be eaten with the fin- 
gers. At bachelor dinners and at luncheons 
cheese is served with salad. The French soft 
cheeses are the favorites. 

Pastry, ices, and desserts are eaten with a 
fork. 

Fruit, such as peaches, pears, and apples, 
are served frequently already pared. When 
this is the case, finger bowls are dispensed 
with, but as yet this is not a general rule. 



72 ®f)£ <£0m;plete jBaclielor. 



Usually at dessert there is placed before you a 
finger glass and doily and a dessert plate, with 
the dessert knife and fork on either side. Re- 
move the glass and doily; put it in front of 
your plate a little to the right. Fruit must be 
pared or peeled with a silver knife. 

Strawberries are now served with the stems 
on, and sugar and cream are passed around and 
are taken on your dessert plate. 

Pineapples are eaten with a fork. A cracker 
is used for nuts, and silver picks are brought in 
with the dessert. 

Corn on the cob is a favorite at small in- 
formal dinners as a separate course. In polite 
society you must remove the grains of the corn 
with your fork or your knife and fork, and never 
eat it off the cob holding the end with your 
fingers. By holding one end with your napkin, 
you can plow down the furrow of the grains 
with your fork, and you will find that they will 
fall off easily. Corn is always served, when 
given in this style, on a white napkin. You 
help yourself to the ear with your fingers. 

Macaroni and spaghetti should only be 
eaten with a fork. In New Orleans boiled 
shrimps are often served at small dinners. The 
skins and heads are on, and you remove these 
with your fingers. After this course finger 



& Globe of ®able ittanncrs. 



73 



bowls with orange leaves are passed around, 
and the perfume of the water will remove the 
odor of fish from your fingers. 

Black coffee is served after dinner. Milk or 
cream does not accompany it, except in the 
country, where sometimes a little silver pitcher 
of cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk 
from small cups. Coffee and milk are never 
served during dinner, nor again is iced milk. 
These are barbarisms. Chatreuse, kummel, 
curafoa, and cognac are the liqueurs usually 
served after dinner. 

Claret, in many French families, especially 
those of the middle class, is placed on the table 
in decanters. You are expected to help your- 
self. There are also carafons or decanters of 
water to mix with the wine. The claret de- 
canters are called carafes. Claret is drunk at 
the twelve o'clock dejeuner as well as at dinner. 

Tea is passed around in old-fashioned Eng- 
lish houses about an hour after dinner. In 
some places buttered muffins accompany it, 
but this extra refreshment is only seen now in 
very old-fashioned houses. 

Scotch whisky and hot water or mineral 
waters are served in country houses before 
bedtime. 



6 



CHAPTER IX. 



THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST. 

Luncheons, Dinners, Theater Parties, Club 
and Restaurant Suppers, and other Bach- 
elor Entertainments. 

The bachelor who entertains is a most 
popular member of society. It does not cost 
a fortune to return in some manner the civili- 
ties once received, and every man, even if his 
income be limited, can once in a while enter- 
tain, even if it be on a very small scale and in 
a very modest way. Bachelor functions are 
always enjoyable. For a host of moderate in- 
come, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, 
or a party to the play, followed by a little 
supper. 

A bachelor luncheon can be given either at 
the host's apartments or chambers, at a restau- 
rant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that 
organization possesses such an institution. 

At all entertainments given under a bache- 

74 



®[)e <Eit2 Bachelor as f)ost. 75 



lor's vine and fig tree, extreme simplicity 
should be a characteristic. The table linen 
should be of the finest damask, or the best 
material his income will allow; the glass per- 
fectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich 
but quiet pattern, the silver good but abso- 
lutely without ornamental devices of any kind. 
In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and 
spoons, and the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. 
Silver is not expensive, but plate is considered 
quite smart, and it has the advantage of being 
utterly valueless from the burglar's point of 
view. 

Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or 
colored glass, or the hundred and one knick- 
knacks which one sees advertised and which 
eventually find their way to the boarding- 
house table, are vulgar. 

Before your cloth is laid you should have a 
cover of felt placed over the table, so as to 
form a shield between it and the damask or 
linen. In the center goes a silver or plated 
fernery, filled with ferns and asparagus vines, 
on a mirror tray, or an epergne with fruit. 
Two heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen 
Anne coasters should be placed, one at your 
right and the other at the right of your vis-a- 
vis. These contain sherry and claret. Four 



?6 ®l)e GTcmplete Bachelor. 



plain silver, plated, or china dishes are at the 
corners with salted almonds, olives, bonbons, 
and fancy cakes. If you wish to be very effect- 
ive and have the money to spare, it is smart 
at a dinner to have silver candlesticks with 
candles or tiny lamps gleaming behind red or 
pink shades at each cover. Two or three forks 
are laid at the left of each plate. If more are 
required, your servant will replace them. On 
the right of the plate are the knives, including 
one for the roast, with the tablespoon for 
the soup, if it is a dinner, and the oyster fork. 
The napkins should be plain and flat, and 
contain a roll of bread. These hints for ar- 
ranging the table will do for either luncheon 
or dinner. Not one of the articles is in itself 
expensive, and you may possess them all with 
the accumulation of years. If not, a simpler 
arrangement could be effected, or you could 
give the entertainment at a restaurant instead 
of your rooms or house. The invitations can 
be either verbal or written, but at best a 
luncheon or dinner in a bachelor's apartments 
is regarded as a little frolic, and you must try 
to preserve the spirit and waive the formalities. 

A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The 
party can be limited to about eight. If you 
have a manservant he should be dressed in 



®t)e CCitg ©acljelor as fjost. 77 



black coat and trousers, white shirt, standing 
collar and tie, and liveried waistcoat. His 
duties are to open the door and to serve the 
luncheon. But a manservant is not neces- 
sary. Some of the smartest bachelors in New 
York give delightful little dinners and lunch- 
eons at their apartments, at which the maid 
who has cooked the meal, dressed in white 
apron and black gown, also serves it. 

The menu should be the usual one expected 
at luncheons, but champagne is never offered 
by a man to women in his apartments, unless 
at dinner or a theater supper. If a wealthy 
bachelor has a large house, and instead of one 
there are a number of matrons chaperoning, 
the case is different. Manhattan or Martini 
cocktails could be passed around before lunch- 
eon, or some little peculiar dish be served to 
give a zest to the occasion. 

A bachelor's dinner at his house or apart- 
ments is a more formal entertainment, but it 
differs in nowise from a regular function of 
that character. The chaperon takes the place 
of the lady of the house for that occasion. 
Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and 
women, and the same ceremonies observed as 
at any formal dinner. If the affair is given in 
apartments, of course the character must be 



78 Stye Complete Bachelor. 



more or less informal, as the accommodations 
are limited. Should you have a man serve 
at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. 
Both at dinner and at luncheon he must 
have gloves, but this is not required of a 
maid. 

A bachelor's supper in his own apartments 
is sometimes given after the play. Of the menu, 
I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dish 
supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable 
entertainment. Several chafing dishes should 
be ready, so that each course can follow with- 
out delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried 
oysters, and other dainties of this kind com- 
prise usually the menu. It would be well to 
serve first oysters on the half shell, followed 
by lobster a la Newburg, the latter being the 
first plat cooked with the chafing dish. Cham- 
pagne is a good wine, and allowable for a chaf- 
ing-dish supper; but if Welsh rarebits are the 
chef d'oeuvre, then beer or ale would be 
better. 

A theater party should be confined to 
eight or ten. A parti carre — four people — 
is delightful. Unmarried women do not go to 
theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They 
must be chaperoned, even at a matinee or a 
luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant — in 



ffilje OTits Bachelor as Ijast. 



79 



fact, an unmarried couple is seldom seen at 
public places in New York, unless they are 
engaged, and married women are as much 
compromised as unmarried ones by indiffer- 
ence to this absolute rule of etiquette. 

The invitations can be either verbal or writ- 
ten. In the season it is better to write them, 
to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful 
in the wording to give not only the evening, 
but the name of the play and the theater. For 
a party, always secure end seats, and there 
will be no disturbing of others in case you 
might be a little late. A box is necessary at 
the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra 
seats or stalls are the best selection for a bache- 
lor's party. Many mothers object to their 
daughters being seen at the theater in a pro- 
scenium box. 

The rendezvous or meeting place should be 
at the chaperon's. The vestibule of the thea- 
ter is awkward, except for parties of four. A 
stage is the best vehicle to convey your guests 
to the playhouse. At the theater the host sees 
that his guests are provided with playbills. 
He gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes 
the party down the aisle. He indicates the 
order of sitting. A man should go in first, 
followed by the woman with whom he is to 



8o ®fje QTomplete JUactjetor. 



sit, and then, thus sandwiched, the rest of the 
party file in, the host taking the aisle or end 
seat. The host sits next to the chaperon. 
Gentlemen do not go out between the acts at 
the theater, but sometimes, when there is a 
party to the opera, they can leave their seats if 
other men come to visit the ladies. A man 
going in or out a theater aisle should do so with 
his face toward the stage and his back to the 
seat. A host never leaves his guests. After 
the play go a little ahead and give your carriage 
check to the porter as soon as possible, so that 
there may not be a long wait. The porter ex- 
pects a small fee. All theater parties are fol- 
lowed by a supper given either at a restaurant, 
at the club, in the ladies' annex, or at your 
bachelor apartments. 

All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a res- 
taurant, unless organized on the spur of the 
moment, are ordered beforehand, and every- 
thing, including the waiter's tip, arranged and 
settled for. If you have not an account at the 
restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order 
the menu and reserve the table. Flowers 
should be included, and a centerpiece of roses, 
which are so arranged as to come apart and be 
distributed in bunches to each of your fair 
guests, is one of the favorite devices. Small 



®f)e (Eita Bachelor as $ast. 81 



boutonnieres are provided for the men. The 
public restaurant or dining room is the place 
for a bachelor supper when ladies are guests. 
A private room is not proper, and your guests 
want to see and be seen. The chaperon is 
seated at the right hand of the host, unless the 
party is given in honor of a particular woman, 
in which case she has that place. The chaper- 
on is then at your left. Wraps and coats are 
taken off in the hall of the restaurant and 
checked. There is no order of entry, except 
that the host should precede and the others 
follow. 

The usual menu for a theater supper is : 

I. Clams or oysters on the half shell. 

II. Bouillon in cups. 

III. Chicken croquettes or sweetbreads with 
peas, or lobster a la Newburg. 

IV. Terrapin or birds with salad. 

V. Ices, cakes, cafe noir, bonbons. 

VI. Liqueurs. 

With the oysters or clams white wine is 
served. Champagne follows the bouillon until 
the end of the supper. 

After supper the party usually returns to the 
residence of the chaperon, where the unmar- 
ried women have their maids and family es- 
corts awaiting them. The host accompanies 



82 ®t)e (Ecntplete Bachelor. 



them to the chaperon's house, but the other 
men take leave at the restaurant. The chaper- 
on may have it arranged to have dancing at 
her house, in which case the party return with 
her after supper. 

A supper in the ladies annex in nowise 
differs from this, except that you do not tip the 
waiter or pay the bill, but have it charged in 
your monthly account. 

The menu for a supper at your own apart- 
ments follows the same lines as those already 
given. 

Theater clubs are associations of women 
and men, all subscribing, meeting at the houses 
of different members, one of whom gives the 
supper. 

Bachelors' dances or balls are given at a 
large hall by a number of unmarried men, who 
subscribe a certain amount each. A number 
of well-known matrons are asked to receive 
the guests, and a cotillon usually follows the 
supper. 

Impromptu lunches, dinners, or suppers at 
restaurants sometimes require the immediate 
settlement of the account. Be careful to draw 
from your pocketbook a bill of large denomina- 
tion, and not a handful of change. Do not 
con over or dispute the items. If you have an 



Ql\]c (Eitg Bachelor as fjost. 83 



account, simply sign the check. If not, it is 
best to give the waiter his tip and go to the desk 
and pay while the members of your party are 
getting their wraps. 

Dinners at restaurants are frequently given 
by bachelors, and are followed by a visit to 
the theater. The rendezvous is either at the 
house of the chaperon or at the restaurant 
itself, should the party be limited in num- 
ber. 

The menu varies according to the season. 
Six courses, including raw oysters or clams, 
soup, fish, entree, roast and vegetables, birds 
and salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The 
form and manner of entertaining at a dinner of 
this kind are similar to those observed at sup- 
pers. 

To a man who frequently entertains, and 
at a particular restaurant, an occasional tip to 
the head waiter would be of service. This is 
a word to the wise. 

Card parties for the playing of whist, dom- 
ino, or poker are often given by bachelors at 
their apartments or residences. In apartments 
this class of entertainment is only for men. 
Women should not go to bachelors' apart- 
ments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper. 
In a bachelor's house, however, any enter- 



84 ®t}e (Hontplete Bachelor. 



tainment can be given. Small stakes are 
played for and the usual supper follows. 
The farewell bachelor dinner will have its 
proper place in the chapter on Wedding 
Etiquette. 



CHAPTER X. 



THE COUNTRY HOUSE. 

The Bachelor as Host.— The Bachelor as 
Guest. 

Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes 
and conditions, can have some kind of a coun- 
try house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunt- 
ing box, maintained by three or four men 
clubbing together; a small cottage plainly and 
simply furnished at the seashore, near golf 
links, or in a good neighborhood; or again a 
large establishment, a villa at Newport or in a 
fashionable colony with a retinue of servants 
and a stable filled with horses. Whichever it 
might be, open hospitality, as much as it is in 
your power, should prevail. However, never 
attempt anything more than you can accom- 
plish, and by all means do not run into debt. 
To a fishing or hunting lodge men only should 
be invited. It should be furnished with the 

85 



86 ®l)e (Eomplete Bachelor. 



mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and 
hunting prints and trophies of the chase. The 
hall serves as sitting and even mess room. A 
man of all work or an old married couple are 
the best servants. Ample supplies are sent 
from town, but the leading idea is roughing it, 
and the table is partially supplied by the game 
and fish brought back by you and your friends. 
When the term of the visit of your guests ex- 
pires, each should be able to bring home a bas- 
ket of fish or some game. From time to time 
send to any of your hostesses of the winter 
something from your preserves. These atten- 
tions are much appreciated. 

A truck farm or a small country place near 
town, which may have either fallen to you by 
inheritance or which you may have purchased, 
or which you have for kennels or for your 
horses, can also be used for entertaining. Even 
in the largest of these houses the plan of 
furnishing is substantially the same. There 
should be a masculine note throughout the en- 
tire scheme. The furniture should be old- 
fashioned, and the pictures sporting and hunt- 
ing prints and steel engravings. There should 
be an air of homeliness and open hospitality 
about the place. It should look as if it were 
verily Liberty Hall. 



A tract of unprofitable land could be con- 
verted into golf links and a tennis court laid 
out. A picnic is the popular form in which 
bachelors who have such a possession may 
entertain. Some fifty to one hundred people 
can be invited, and a special train or boat, if 
the place is too far from the city for a drive, 
chartered for their accommodation. The in- 
vitations should state the hour at which this 
train or boat would leave the city. Stages 
await the guests at the country station and 
bring them up to the house. Cocktails, drinka- 
bles, claret cup, tea, and sandwiches are served 
on their arrival. There should be no fixed 
programme of amusement. Luncheon, or 
luncheon and dinner both, according to the 
length of stay, could be served, and the menu 
should embrace a few courses of country fare. 
Dancing in the barn during the afternoon will 
be another form of entertainment, or if you 
wish to give an elaborate entertainment, vaude- 
ville performers might be hired for the hour 
after luncheon. 

In a large establishment the bachelor who 
entertains usually has residing with him a 
sister or female relative who acts as hostess. 
One of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to 
have a large and well-appointed stable with a 



88 ®l)e domplete Bculjekrr. 



number of traps which are at the disposition 
of his guests. 

A bachelor host always drives to the station 
or boat to meet his guests. A drag, three- 
seated surrey, or a station van would be the 
smart vehicle. I am now writing of a man 
of large means. The method of entertaining 
should be the English one, without any fixed 
programme for the days of the guests' stay. 
Only when there is shooting, the party is ex- 
pected to assemble in the morning. If there is 
a local club, your men guests should be put up 
at it, and the entire party made visiting mem- 
bers of the neighboring casino. The rest is 
conveyed in the advice to have always plenty 
of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as 
much as possible. In these houses there is 
much drinking, possibly, and perhaps cards, 
but a young man who is a guest should be 
firm enough to resist temptation, and to stand 
by his convictions. 

One word more, and this applies to many 
country houses, if not all of them. See that 
your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, 
hair and clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. 
The desk should be filled with letter paper and 
envelopes, and if you want to appear very 
fashionable, the stationery should have the 



®l)e (Eountrg fjouse. 89 



name of your place in blue or red letters at the 
top or in the right-hand corner of the first sheet. 
Many convivial souls place on a side table in 
each room mineral water, cigarettes, cigars, 
and the inevitable decanter. 

When you are a guest you are met at the 
station by one of your host's traps. Do not 
be surprised, however, if you do not find this 
accommodation. It is considered very Eng- 
lish, 1 know not why, to allow bachelors to 
reach a country house by the best means they 
can find at the station or landing. You are 
received by your host, and after refreshment 
are shown to your room. If you arrive late in 
the afternoon you do not see your hostess, but 
dress for dinner and find her in the drawing 
room when you go downstairs. You are ex- 
pected to conform to the rules of the house as 
to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at 
the service of your hostess. You must cer- 
tainly appear at any function which has been 
arranged for you, and it is very impolite to ac- 
cept, during your stay, any outside invitation 
to any affair to which your host and hostess 
have not also been asked. If you have a valet 
you may bring him with you, but you must 
certainly notify your host of this intention. 
Few houses in this country have the ac- 
7 



90 Qlomplete Bachelor. 



commodations necessary for outside serv- 
ants. 

Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an ac- 
cepted custom. On your departure after a 
short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable 
resort the servant who attends you should 
have five dollars, the butler five dollars, the 
coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid 
two dollars. At smaller places five dollars 
altogether, judiciously distributed, is ample, or 
a dollar each to three of the servants. 

The first-mentioned amounts can be placed 
in envelopes and given to the servant attend- 
ing you for the others. All this is a question 
of resources, and there are many men who 
avoid invitations to the large country houses 
in the East and North because they can not 
afford the tips. In England, when one is in- 
vited to the shooting, one tips the gamekeeper 
one to five pounds, according to the extent of 
the bag and duration of visit. 

The usual method of inviting men in this 
country for a short stay is from Friday or Sat- 
urday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle 
to them as to what they should take in their 
bag or how much luggage they should carry. 
At most not more than a good-sized bag or 
valise and perhaps a hatbox. For an even- 



®l]e QTountrg f)cmse. 91 



ing's stay a dress-suit case is sufficient. In 
your valise must be placed your evening 
clothes, and if the party is to be somewhat of 
an informal one, I would also take my dinner 
jacket. If you are going to a very fashionable 
resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat, and fancy 
trousers would not be amiss, but in that case 
you would have also to take a hatbox for your 
top hat. Of recent years men in the country 
have been consulting their comfort more than 
absolute accuracy in the details of dress. Even 
at garden parties, at church, and at afternoon 
teas during the month of August at Newport, 
which is, after all, only the fashionable metropo- 
lis transported to another locality for the sum- 
mer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. 
Unless you are sure that there will be an 
occasion where these would be positively re- 
quired, I would not take them, especially on so 
short a visit. The linen to be brought should 
consist of a dress shirt for each evening and a 
colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen 
handkerchiefs, two complete changes of under- 
clothes, three pairs of ordinary and two pairs 
of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take 
three of your ties for day wear and four white 
lawn for evening, and one black in case you 
are to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the 



92 ®fye ffiomplete Bachelor. 



bedroom and pumps for evening wear should 
complete the clothing carried, unless you take 
your frock coat, when you would have to bring 
patent leather boots to wear with afternoon 
dress. I have given rather a liberal allowance 
of articles for a short stay, but one must be pre- 
pared for accidents or emergencies. It is better 
to take an extra shirt, or a change of under- 
clothes, or a few more ties than one could or- 
dinarily use, so that seme contretemps would 
not cause great annoyance and inconvenience. 
In the absence of a dressing case, care must be 
taken of the articles for the toilet. The tooth, 
nail, and shaving brushes, the sponges and 
washrags, should be packed in little waterproof 
silk bags, which can be obtained at a small 
price at any chemist's. Your host or hostess 
should provide you with soap, but I would not 
take the risk. I should bring my own in a 
little metal soapbox or well wrapped in thick 
paper. Your shaving articles, a shoehorn, but- 
ton hook, nail file, small pair of nail scissors, 
tooth powder, or listerine should not be for- 
gotten. The large articles, your combs and 
your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in 
tissue paper. It would be gallant of you to 
bring a box of sweets for your hostess. 

If you are asked to play golf, it might be 



®f)e (Eomitrg fjouse. 



93 



more convenient to travel in your golf togs, 
which would serve as a lounge suit. But in 
that case a pair of long trousers to match your 
coat and waistcoat, or an entire lounge suit 
should be carried, as on Sunday you would be 
very uncomfortable in golf dress, and some- 
what out of place. Or you might put your 
" knickers " in the bag, and wear the coat and 
waistcoat with long trousers. 



CHAPTER XI. 



A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS. 

As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out 
a little and to have an apartment or a house or 
a country establishment, though the latter be 
only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire 
servants. The general servant is perhaps the 
one most universally employed. Many bache- 
lors hire some middle-aged woman who not 
only does the cooking, but takes care of the 
apartment, valets him, and waits at table when 
he has guests to dinner. Others employ a man 
to look after them, who is valet and general 
factotum, and others again, with larger estab- 
lishments, a man and wife. The former does 
the valeting, the waiting, and is steward and 
butler, while the woman attends to the cook- 
ing and laundry. There are quite a number of 
bachelor households of this description in cur 
large cities, the occupants being several in num- 
ber and clubbing together. One is appointed 

94 



31 Bachelor's Servants. 95 



treasurer, and the butler and cook are hired at 
a stated price and receive a certain sum for 
catering. When good servants of this kind 
are found they are treasures. 

All menservants should be clean shaven. 
A short bit of side whiskers — a la mutton 
chop — is allowed; but under no circumstances 
should they have bearded faces or wear a mus- 
tache. Their linen and attire should be fault- 
less. In the treatment of servants a man must 
exercise an iron will. He can be kind and 
considerate, but he must never descend to dis- 
pute with one, and certainly not swear at him. 
To be on familiar terms with one's servants 
shows the cloven foot of vulgarity. Discharge 
a servant at once when he is disrespectful or 
when he is careless in his duties or in his con- 
duct. When asking for anything there is no 
necessity of forgetting the elements of true 
politeness, nor is it a blot on your deportment 
to utter a civil " thank you " for a service per- 
formed. All servants should address you as 
"Sir," and when called should reply "Yes, 
sir," and certainly not " All right." Your men- 
servants touch their hats to you on receiving 
orders in the open, on being addressed, and 
upon your appearance. Encourage your serv- 
ants now and then by a kind word, and see that 



96 STfye dampletc Bachelor. 



they have good and wholesome food, clean and 
comfortable quarters. Once in a while give 
them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash re- 
membrance at Christmas, and from time to 
time some part of your wardrobe or cast-off 
clothing. They are just like children, and 
must be treated with the rigor and mild disci- 
pline which a schoolmaster uses toward his 
pupils. In all their movements they should be 
noiseless and as automatic as possible in their 
actions. 

And now for particular servants hired by a 
bachelor: 

The groom is, with the exception of the 
general servant, the first domestic likely to be 
in the employ of an unmarried man of moder- 
ate means. When a bachelor becomes a horse 
owner he can never be too particular about 
his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in 
the city or at a fashionable watering place 
should have two liveries — one for dress oc- 
casions and the other for what is known as 
a ' 'stable suit." The latter, which is a sim- 
ple English tweed or whipcord, made with a 
cutaway coat of the same material, will an- 
swer perfectly well for the country, where it 
is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A 
square brown Derby is worn with this suit, 



31 Sacljclor's Servants. 97 



brown English driving gloves, and a white 
plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf 
is the badge of distinction between the house 
and stable servant. No tie pin nor trinkets of 
any description should be allowed servants. 
The best dress livery is a frock coat, single- 
breasted, of kersey, the color of your livery; 
white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top 
hat, white plastron, standing collar, and brown 
driving gloves. One distinctive color should 
be used, not only for your liveries but also for 
your traps, as well as one kind of harness. 
The cockade on the hat is the privilege abroad 
of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the 
care of your horse or horses, your groom must 
be a species of outside general servant, ready 
to go on errands or attend to the numerous 
duties of a manservant about a country place. 
By no means can he be substituted for a valet, 
a butler, or an indoor servant. When he 
brings your trap to the door he holds the ani- 
mals' heads until you are seated, when he 
touches his hat and lets go the reins. If he is 
to sit behind in the trap he must hold him- 
self upright with folded arms. He alights 
immediately the trap is stopped, running all 
errands, and holding the horses until the drive 
is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his 



98 ®t)c (Jlomplete Sarijelcr. 



master when the latter rides. He brings his 
horse to the door and holds it until the mount. 
He follows, occasionally, on another horse at 
a respectful distance. Should you be wealthy 
enough to have also a coachman, your groom 
can act as second man on the box. A coach- 
man's dress livery consists of a double-breasted 
long coachman's coat, top boots, and buckskin 
breeches, white flat plastron, high collar and 
top hat, and brown driving gloves. When 
both servants are employed the groom is un- 
der the orders of the coachman as regards the 
stable work. 

The Valet. — Of course a valet is a luxury. 
A man can valet himself very easily, and if the 
instructions given in the chapters on the Care 
of Clothes and The Toilet are followed care- 
fully, I hardly think that you would need such 
a personage. A woman can be perfectly 
trained to valet a man. Your general servant 
can also, and is required to fill this position. 
If you live at a club the club valet will attend 
to your clothes, and perform the duties of a 
private servant. There are 6 ' valeting compa- 
nies" organized in many large cities, which 
take entire charge of your wardrobe, and again 
there are valets who are hired by several men 
clubbing together, and who are very capable 



& Bachelor's Smmnts. 



99 



servants. The individual valet, however, is 
a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of 
wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, 
or if he goes out a great deal in society. A 
valet's duties are first and principally the en- 
tire charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, 
the details of which have been given in previ- 
ous chapters. They begin an hour or so be- 
fore the master rises, when clothes are to be 
pressed and put in order, boots and shoes to be 
polished and placed on their trees, and the cos- 
tume of the day to be made ready. If possible, 
a small room is provided for him as his work- 
shop. 

At the hour for rising, the valet enters his 
master's room very quietly, and, if he is awake, 
pulls up the shades and lets in the daylight. 
The bath is then prepared, and while that is 
being taken the newspapers, mail, and break- 
fast tray are brought in, and the valet waits for 
orders. Some men require their valets to shave 
them, but the majority simply intrust the care 
of their razors to them, preferring to perform 
that operation themselves. The valet assists 
his master in dressing, and, when the toilet is 
finished, ties or buttons the boots, arranges the 
spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. 
He then fetches the stick, gloves, and hat. 



ioo ®l)e (JTomplete Bachelor. 



During the day he may be employed on er- 
rands, in answering tradespeople, in paying 
bills, or in any minor occupations of that kind. 
A first-class servant of this character should 
not only be steward but secretary. When 
writing letters for his master he should write 
them in the third person, and also sign them 
" Respectfully yours, John Smith, valet." 

A valet is told of the engagements of the 
day, and has the clothes arranged accordingly, 
and he must be at his post. In the evening 
the dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties 
and two coats, the formal and informal, or 
Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when 
his master retires. In traveling he takes care 
of the luggage, tickets, and all the little annoy- 
ing details. He travels second class abroad, 
and in this country he should never be allowed 
to be a passenger in a drawing-room car with 
his master. The valet wears no livery. He 
dresses quietly in a plain sack suit of dark ma- 
terial, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be 
required to wait on table, he dresses in semi- 
livery if the affair is a luncheon, and in evening 
dress if it is a dinner. 

The butler is a very rare functionary in a 
bachelor's establishment, only the wealthiest 
being able to afford him. The valet or gen- 



& J$ad)dor o Sertmnts. 101 



eral servant acts as butler, and when in this 
position he should always have a black coat 
on when answering the bell. 

I have used the terms throughout this chap- 
ter of "master" and " servant." Employer 
and employee are correct only when the rela- 
tions between the two persons are not of a 
domestic character. 

The most fashionable and efficient men- 
servants are of English, Scotch, or Irish birth 
or descent. Japanese make excellent valets. 
Colored coachmen and grooms are not the 
vogue in New York or vicinity, but they are 
seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors 
have introduced a fad for East Indian servants, 
but at present only a few of these have been 
employed, and those at Newport. 



CHAPTER XII. 

THE DANCE. 

This is certainly a most important subject, 
and one which can not be lightly treated. I 
have thought it better to use exclusively the 
New York forms, which differ somewhat from 
the English, the French, and continental, as 
well as from a certain code of etiquette pre- 
vailing in other American cities. 

I shall therefore, as we have no State balls 
or ceremonials of that character, consider 
public assemblages, a few of which are 
patronized by society in New York and else- 
where. 

Of absolutely public balls the only one 

which society attends is the Charity. In New 

York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable 

popularity, although efforts are being made to 

revive it. In Chicago and in other cities it is 

still a very fashionable function. It is there 

well patronized and is considered smart. 
102 



®l)e tDctnce. 



Tickets to the Charity are sold by a number of 
lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive 
one or several from some of them, if you are a 
rich young man, with a request to purchase. 
If the note states that you are expected to be 
a guest you are simply to answer it, as you 
would any other invitation, and certainly not 
to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently 
are named because it is expected that they will 
purchase quite a number of tickets. And here 
let me give a useful hint. In sending money 
to this and for charitable entertainments in 
general, always do it by check; never inclose 
bills. If you must use cash, keep it for your 
small tradespeople. 

Everything may be said to have its price at 
a Charity Ball. Supper is sometimes included 
with the ticket. The repast is usually rather 
poor, but then you must remember it is for 
charity. Perhaps you will be asked some time 
in advance by the patronesses to be one in the 
"grand march." The " grand march" proper 
is a form of exhibition long since relegated to 
balls of the " Tough Boys' Coterie " and other 
assemblages of the same class. But it has sur- 
vived, in place of a lancers or quadrille of 
honor, at the Charity Ball, and we have either 
to go through with it or watch it from the boxes 



io4 ®l)e (Complete Bachelor. 



with Christian patience. If you are to take 
part, I would advise you to present yourself at 
the hall or opera house about nine o'clock. 
The floor manager will do the rest. You are 
to offer your left arm to the lady you are tak- 
ing out, and you march around the place in 
regular line, sometimes once, sometimes twice, 
and the agony is over. The company assem- 
bled does not join in this ceremony, and the 
formation of figures and countermarches is an 
affair in vogue at balls of a different class, 
which I should imagine none of my readers 
would patronize or even "hear tell of," except 
through the newspapers. 

The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as 
well as the New Years' receptions at the dif- 
ferent embassies' and secretaries' houses, are 
public functions to which the populace get ad- 
mittance. They are crushes of the worst de- 
scription, and at many of them refreshments 
are served. Except to make an obeisance to 
your distinguished host and hostess— if to the 
President, shaking hands with him — no other 
ceremony is needed. 

At Newport and at other watering places 
there are during the season semipublic dances 
at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that 
place of amusement is entitled to all the social 



®l)e HDance. 



i°5 



privileges. The tickets can be obtained from 
the secretary or his agent. 

In every city there is an assembly or dan- 
cing organization on the lines of the Patriarchs 
and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself 
not original with the "Four Hundred " — vul- 
gar term ! — but was copied from the St. Cecilia, 
the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristo- 
cratic Charleston, where it has existed since 
the days of the Revolution. The assemblies 
proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. 
The arrangements are in the hands of a num- 
ber of fashionable women instead of men. 
The plan of all these organizations is practical- 
ly the same. In order to make matters easy 
and to pilot my reader through the intricacies 
of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is 
a stranger in New York, with some smart 
friends, and that he is going either to the Pa- 
triarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid 
down will hold good for other cities. Your 
first intimation may be while visiting at the 
house of one of the patrons or patronesses, 
when your hostess or host may ask you if you 
would like to go to the Assembly or the Pa- 
triarchs'. If you have no other engagement for 
that evening — and I think it would be policy 
for you to make others subservient to this — 

8 



io6 Stye QT0mplete jSacfyekrr. 



you should reply that you would be delighted 
to do so. Your host or hostess will then say 
that he or she will send you a ticket. This 
may be one way, or you may receive a note 
asking if you are free for that particular date, 
whether " would you like to go to the Assem- 
bly?" etc., or again, you might simply receive 
a note with a ticket. In any one of these 
cases, just as soon as you receive the ticket 
you must answer your correspondent imme- 
diately, accepting, or, if you can not go, re- 
gretting and returning it. You must remem- 
ber that all tickets are personal and each 
Patriarch or each patroness has only a certain 
number. 

I would, if there were time between the 
date for the ball and the reception of your 
ticket, call or leave cards personally on your 
hostess or host for the evening, according to 
rules in a former chapter. I do not believe 
this is considered necessary in New York, and 
perhaps some people would think you were 
straining a point, but New York " society" 
manners to-day are not all that could be de- 
sired. 

The evening arrives. Balls and dances are 
theoretically supposed to begin at ten o'clock. 
You can safely go a little after eleven. You 



QL\]c SDance. 



will be early enough. Your ticket is re- 
ceived, your hat and coat removed, your 
hat check given, and you proceed to the 
ballroom. 

It is almost needless for me to tell you how 
to dress for this occasion. At dances of any 
kind, formal evening dress is required. 

On entering the room, if it is at the Assem- 
bly, you will encounter a line of patronesses. 
You should make a low, sweeping bow to 
them and, if convenient, speak to your hostess, 
be it only a few words of greeting. If not at 
that time., select a later hour in the evening. 
No one shakes hands. 

You look around to find your friends and 
acquaintances. At the Patriarchs' the chaper- 
ons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might 
call it, all together. Their charges, once away 
from them, are around the rooms. In nearly 
all the cities, except New York, every guest is 
provided with a dancing card, which makes 
the keeping of dancing engagements a part of 
the festivity. New York is too large for such 
things, and dancing cards have been relegated 
to the realms of innocuous desuetude, How- 
ever, if you are at a ball or a dance in another 
city where they are used, your first duty would 
be to have your engagements filled. You 



io8 ®l)e Complete Bachelor. 



should remain with your partner after each 
dance until her next cavalier appears. 

New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this 
reason, for having banished the dance card. It 
is hard for a man to tell a woman he must 
leave her, but I think it is better by far to do 
so than to appear rude to your succeeding 
partner. A woman who has so little regard 
for you and such selfish consideration for her- 
self does not deserve to be handled with gloves. 
And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her 
in a crowded ballroom, even if it is to lead her 
back to her chaperon. 

In New York everything is simplified. 
There exist no such social complications. 
Everybody is more or less grouped together, 
and you generally know in which part of the 
room you are to find your friends. You ex- 
change greetings with the women you know, 
and if you wish to ask one of them to dance, 
you say, "May I have the pleasure of this 
turn with you?" or "Can I have a turn 
with you?" It is absolutely impossible to 
keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, 
perhaps, to snatch a dance whenever you 
can get it. After your turn you must al- 
ways manage to stop at about the point where 
you began. You will be sure to find your 



QLl)c EDance. 



partner's chaperon just at that place. There 
are two reasons for this — one is that the man 
with whom your partner has engaged weeks, 
if not months, before (one has to do this in New 
York) to dance the cotillon has reserved his 
chairs there, and she has told many of her 
friends just about in which part of the ball- 
room she may be found; and another is that 
New York women, under all circumstances, 
keep a distinctive place in a ballroom. 

A gentleman never dances without gloves. 
He always puts them on before entering the 
ballroom. A man should dance easily and 
gracefully, and look as if he were enjoying him- 
self. He should be careful about guiding and 
not running into people. Swinging the hands 
is vulgar and unsightly. The waltz seems to 
survive all other forms of dancing, but there is 
every now and then a revival of the polka. 
Two steps and fancy dances are the vogue at 
summer hotels, but not at smart functions. 

The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, 
and some years ago it was a silly fad to pre- 
tend not to remember the figures. A little life 
and spirit are sometimes introduced in the 
lancers when the gathering is small, and 
among intimate friends there is more or less 
occasion for it. The barn dance has gone out 



no (JlotttpUte JJacljdor. 



of fashion entirely in America, but our English 
cousins, especially those living in the country 
and in Suburbia, are very fond of it. Balls 
frequently end with Sir Roger de Coverley, the 
English form of the Virginia reel. 

About two o'clock supper is announced, and 
this is done all over the world, 1 believe, by the 
strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it 
was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day 
and was at the very last Patriarchs', the very 
last Assembly, and the very last large ball at 
Newport. Engagements for supper are made 
in New York weeks or even months before- 
hand. You should settle this with your part- 
ner, and as supper is served at tables of parties 
of four or six, an agreeable quartette or sextette 
can be secured. Parties are never less than 
four, and a girl who sups alone with a man, 
even at the Patriarchs', is considered very fast, 
and by such impudent behavior would lose 
caste. You should arrange with your partner, 
therefore, to be as near the supper-room door 
as possible about the supper hour. There is 
always a rush and a crush, and no tables are re- 
served except those for the patronesses or the 
Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in 
early and reserve the table and wait until the 
rest arrive. Ball suppers are nearly all alike. 



®l}e EUance. 



in 



Four or five courses, which commence with 
oysters, are followed by bouillon, and then ter- 
rapin and birds, and salad and ices, fruit and 
coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and 
champagne forms the chief. Many matrons 
even will not allow their daughters to go to 
supper without being chaperoned, and so when 
you ask your partner she will sometimes have 
her parents obtain the table. Should you be 
asked to the table of one of the patronesses, 
you will have a partner provided for you. Re- 
member the first engagement should always be 
kept, and if a patroness should honor you with 
such an invitation, and you have made prior 
arrangements, you should at once explain by 
note your position, which will be a sufficient 
excuse to your would-be hostess. 

After supper the cotillon, or German, as it 
is sometimes called, is danced. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

THE COTILLON. 

At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is 
hardly time for more than two or three figures 
and one favor figure. It is almost useless for 
me to go into the history of the cotillon, and I 
do not believe that it would be of any serv- 
ice to my readers. We imported it from 
France about the same time as the English, 
and it owes its origin, I believe, to Germany. 
For the past thirty years it has been a favorite 
form of dance. It is picturesque and amusing, 
and, besides, gives the opportunity for the ex- 
change among the dancers of pretty trifles pro- 
vided by the generosity of the host. At large 
semipublic balls like the Patriarchs' (I use 
" semipublic " simply because given by a 
number and not in a private house) the favors 
are very simple, but at special cotillons or at 
those danced at private houses they are ex- 
tremely elaborate and costly. 

112 



®l)e (Cotillon. 



Cotillon seats are generally secured in the 
early part of the evening by tying handker- 
chiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the Patri- 
archs' and other large balls they can be secured 
by arrangement with one of the stewards, as 
each Patriarch has so many reserved for him, 
and the man invited by one of them can obtain 
permission and ask for two of his host's seats. 
But this is not usual, and is known as a "little 
trick of the trade." 

To be a successful leader of cotillons it re- 
quires the skill and the tact of a general — I 
might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. 
One's talents should not be altogether in one's 
heels and one's toes. The leader must be an 
excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He 
must see that the wall flowers have an occa- 
sional turn, and that every one gets at least one 
favor. As he has to marshal a large force of 
people he is bound to find among them — of 
course in the orthodox society manner — a few 
turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, 
and who must be taught their places in a con- 
ciliatory but positive manner. 

The cotillon in New York is generally danced 
after supper. It lasts about two hours. At 
large balls two figures are all that can be danced, 
owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it 



n4 (Complete Bachelor. 



is led by two couples. A leader frequently 
dances stag — that is, without a partner. All 
men dancing without partners are called stags. 
These usually have their place by the door and 
are given their turn last. The leader must an- 
nounce after supper the time for the cotillon to 
begin. He must see that the partners are all 
in their places. The favor table is generally 
placed at the end of the room opposite the 
doors, but this depends on the shape and the 
style of the apartment. 

Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle 
for the different figures; to-day, however, he 
simply claps his hands to denote the changes. 

It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate 
the form of the cotillon. It consists in waltzes 
and sometimes polkas, danced by eight, ten, 
or twelve couples at a time. The couples are 
seated in chairs around the room, the men with- 
out partners known as the stags being near the 
door. The leader begins the first figure, which 
is usually the simplest one, by " taking out" 
or choosing a partner and motioning the first 
four, six, or eight couples with places nearest 
him on one or both sides of the room to rise. 
All waltz. After a turn around the room the 
leader stops and claps his hands. The partners 
all separate, and each of them goes and chooses 



®t)e (Cotillon. 



a new one — the man a new woman, the wo- 
man who was his partner a new man. The 
figure is then arranged and danced. After the 
evolution required by the figure is finished 
there is another short waltz, and the dancers 
return to their places. The leader then calls 
out the next party, and this is repeated until 
every one in the room has had a turn. The 
stags are called out last. Having no partners 
to dance with, each has the privilege of taking 
out two ladies — the first before the figure is 
formed, and the second when the change of 
partners is signalled by the leader. The leader 
directs the figures and dances all the time. 

Every second figure is one for the distribu- 
tion of favors. The same procedure occurs, 
and when the leader claps his hands the dan- 
cers separate, waiting for the favors to be dis- 
tributed. The latest custom is for the leader 
and his partner to carry around the favors, to 
the couples whose turn comes next. He gives 
to the ladies, she to the men. The scramble 
at the favor table has been abolished. The men 
present their favors to the new partners whom 
they select, and the women do likewise. It is 
very embarrassing and not good form to give 
your favor to the partner with whom you are 
dancing the cotillon. Favors must be sufficient 



n6 ®t)e (Complete Bachelor. 



in quantity not only to go once all around,, but 
there should be some left over, as the advent of 
the stags gives the ladies a double chance to be- 
stow favors upon men. The most graceful way 
of offering a favor is to present it with a little bow. 
Try and locate the places where your friends 
are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not tantaliz- 
ing, to search through a long row of girls 
dangling a favor. It is not difficult in the fig- 
ures to become well acquainted with the local 
geography. Matrons are asked frequently to 
preside at the favor tables, but recently some 
of the floral trifles are brought in arranged in a 
sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered 
lackeys are stationed, like the linkboys of old. 
Originality, however, has not been rampant in 
cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. 
The woman who brings the greatest number 
of favors from a cotillon scores an undoubted 
triumph. She comes from the ballroom flushed 
and delighted, carrying with her the trophies 
of her victory, which she is pleased to call her 
" scalps." Social obligations are often paid off 
by men in this way. 

Of the few cotillon figures danced in New 
York society, the grand chain is the most 
popular and the simplest. The number of 
couples called by the leader form themselves 



®l)c dLotHlon. 



in a ring around the room. At his signal they 
face each other and dance the right and left 
grand chain, the men to the right and the 
women to the left, until the original parties are 
brought together, when all waltz. 

The Sir Roger de Coverley figure is formed 
in lines of four abreast, the men standing to- 
gether on the inside, and the women next 
to their partners on the outside of the line. 
When the leader signals, the women advance 
quickly, one after the other, to the head of the 
line. The men then join hands, forming an 
arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley ; the women, 
passing under two by two, meeting their part- 
ners, waltz with them. 

In the snake figure — one which is very sel- 
dom danced — quite a large number of couples 
are called, who form a ring around the room. 
The leader, taking the hand of one of the men, 
breaks the chain, and the couples are wound 
around until they come together in a knot, 
when the signal is given to them to waltz. 
The wheel figure is somewhat similar, and is 
quite a romp. 

In the ring figure another evolution is bor- 
rowed from the lancers. Rings of four couples 
form through the room. The men raise their 
arms and the women pass through, dancing 



n8 @l)e domplcte Bachelor. 



with the men in the next ring, and so on, until 
they get to the top of the room, the men re- 
maining stationary. Then a grand march, 
men to the left, ladies to the right, is formed, 
and the partners meet and dance. 

The Maypole and all complicated figures 
which require the use of toys or papier-mache 
articles are not in vogue in New York. In 
Paris these trifles, such as vegetables and heads 
of animals and other gewgaws, pass for favors, 
as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon. In 
New York very handsome souvenirs have su- 
perseded these. 

Frequently in large cotillons in New York 
the blank or nonfavor figures are danced only 
once without change of partners, as in the 
snake or grand chain; otherwise the cotillon 
would be interminable. The leader calls out a 
number of couples and goes through the figure 
at once, the original partners dancing all the 
time with each other. I have given both forms, 
and although the first explanation may seem to 
those who go out every year antiquated, it is 
still the vogue for small and consequently en- 
joyable cotillons. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

A BACHELOR'S LETTERS. 

Letter writing is an art, and there is no 
pleasure equal to that of receiving and reading 
a chatty and well-worded epistle from some 
dear friend. I have some packets of letters 
preserved to-day that I read and reread. They 
are always fresh and interesting to me. They 
are a complete index to the character of the 
writer, and they serve, after long years have 
passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of 
days and scenes which were brighter. How- 
ever, there is one rule a man must observe: 
never keep a compromising letter — if you 
should receive one — especially from a woman. 
Sometimes women are foolish and careless, 
and they allow their pens to run away with 
them. They bitterly regret their folly, and the 
very idea that there exists somewhere a packet 
of letters which would bring serious trouble, 
if not ruin, upon them and those they love, is 

119 



i2o ®l)e Complete Bachelor. 



a cause of constant grief and worry. I know 
that there are letters written by one once dear, 
but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or sepa- 
rated from us forever, from which we feel loath 
to part; but we must be men and reduce to 
ashes what would hurt in the very least de- 
gree or cast a reflection upon an innocent if 
silly woman. Suppose you were to die sud- 
denly, and among your papers these letters 
were found, with you alone, dumb in death, 
perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate 
writer. We must think of those things. They 
belong to the personnel not only of a true gen- 
tleman, but they appeal to our common sense. 

Character is frequently judged by handwrit- 
ing. Write a good, clear, legible hand, with- 
out any flourishes, and always use the best 
and the blackest of ink. The typewriter is 
employed only for business correspondence. 

For social correspondence use only Irish-linen 
white note paper, unruled, with square envel- 
opes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of 
any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent 
residence your address can be legibly engraved 
in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head 
of the first sheet. If you are a member of a 
club, the club note paper is proper for all social 
correspondence. If you want to, use your crest 



31 Bachelor's Cctters. 



121 



in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat 
strained in this country. Always add the date 
in writing. In letters, the day, the month, and 
the year should be written. In notes you only 
put the day — for instance, " Saturday the 
twenty-second.'' The best signature is " Sin- 
cerely yours," and not " Yours sincerely." In 
England the quaint " Faithfully yours" is used 
for business correspondence. Tradespeople 
and servants only sign 6 ' Respectfully yours." 

In America we " esquire" all men who are 
our equals. A butcher, a baker, a tailor or 
other person, when we order supplies, we ad- 
dress as "Mr." The abbreviation "Esq." is 
the usual form. In England you would write 
to a duke and address the letter "The Duke 
of Buckingham"; to a knight, "Sir Thomas 
Appleby"; to an earl or a marquis, "Lord 
Dufferin " — that is, supposing the letter would 
be a social one. 

In writing to a friend or in answer to an 
invitation or a note, you would begin, "My 
dear Mrs. Brown," "My dear Mr. Brown," or 
even "My dear Brown," but never "Dear 
Miss Brown," "Dear Mrs. Brown," or "Dear 
Brown," unless you were on terms of great 
intimacy with them. But if the letter is a 
strictly business one, and the term "Sir" or 
9 



i22 (templets JSactyeior. 



"Sirs" is used, then you would be obliged to 
drop the possessive pronoun. A very formal 
or a business letter would begin thus : 

John Smith, Esq., 

# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y. 
Dear Sir: 

and not " My dear Sir." 

A business letter to a woman demands, 
however, the possessive "My/' thus: "My 
dear Madam/' 

To a firm, one writes: 

Messrs. John Smith Sr Co., 
Dear Sirs : 

and never "Gentlemen" — a most ridiculous 
form of address. 

The clergy are addressed "Reverend and 
dear Sir." A bishop is "Right Reverend and 
dear Sir," and an archbishop "Most Reverend 
and dear Sir." In this republican country all 
other dignitaries can be addressed as "Dear 
Sir." 

Formal invitations are written in the third 
person, also letters addressed to tradespeople. 

The address on a letter should be written 
about the middle of the envelope, the street 
and number a little to the right, and the name 



23act)elof s Cetters. 123 



of the city and State in the corner. All notes 
or letters to people in the same city should 
be directed simply with the post-office name 
without the State, unless it is a very small 
town, or it bears a name such as Augusta or 
Columbus, of which there are more than one 
in the United States. Thus: 

Mrs. John Brown, 

# 227 Euclid Avenue, 

Cleveland. 

The stamp should be placed neatly in the 
right-hand corner. The mail to-day is almost 
the quickest means of delivery, and a special 
ten-cent stamp will insure, in a large city, a 
more prompt reception of your epistle than if 
you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a mes- 
senger boy. 

Your paper should fold once in the middle. 
There is nothing so awkward or so apt to give 
a bad impression as a letter improperly folded. 
It is bulky and unsightly. Private letters should 
always be sealed with wax, in color dark green 
or red. Black is used for mourning. In sealing 
a letter be careful to make a neat effect, and 
not to smear the wax all over the envelope. 
The seal is then stamped with your mono- 
gram, or, if you insist upon it, with your crest, 



i24 ®f)e (JTcmplete Bactjekrr. 



but never with your coat of arms. For the 
purpose of sealing letters men use their seal 
rings or a little stamp which can be obtained 
at any silversmith's. When writing from the 
club you can use the club stamp. Business 
letters are moistened and gummed, a little 
damp sponge being used for this purpose. To 
moisten envelopes with the tongue is nasty. 

Letters written on hotel or business paper 
should be confined to the commercial world. 
Your friends and acquaintances should not re- 
ceive them. Sometimes, when writing from 
a very interesting place to a very intimate friend 
or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you 
would like your correspondent to see a picture 
of the house at which you are stopping. 

Every gentleman should, however, carry 
in his portmanteau a flat portfolio with writ- 
ing materials and a traveling inkstand. 

Your personal correspondence should be a 
reflection of yourself. Be pithy, bright, and 
witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, 
but beware of making statements in letters 
which you can not substantiate. Above all, 
think twice before you pen a harsh or an un- 
kind word, even if a reproof be merited. 

In business letters be brief and to the point. 

There are two kinds of letters which some- 



& Bachelor's Cetters. 125 



times puzzle the writer — letters of condolence 
and letters of congratulation. A letter of con- 
dolence — as will be explained in the chapter 
on Funerals — is due from you at the death of a 
near or dear friend to the relative or relatives — 
if you feel that you know them all well enough 
to address more than one epistle of sympathy — 
nearest and dearest to the deceased. Usually 
one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may 
occur that you feel that you should also write 
to others. Make it as natural as possible. 
Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at 
consolation. A few words is all that is neces- 
sary. If you have been on intimate terms with 
the family wire them your sympathy, and write 
a week or so afterward. 

Letters of congratulation are much easier to 
compose. On the occasion of the announce- 
ment of an engagement of a friend, or in an- 
swer to his letter announcing the happy event, 
or on the arrival of any good fortune to those 
of whom you are fond or for whom you have 
a high regard, a letter of congratulation is nec- 
essary or acceptable. All letters announcing 
sad or joyous news should receive an immedi- 
ate reply. 



I 



CHAPTER XV. 

THE BACHELOR'S CLUB. 

Club life in America is a growth of recent 
years. It is now so firmly established, and it 
is so popular that there is not a village or even 
a settlement in the United States which has 
not at least its casino, or its little coterie organ- 
ized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely social 
enjoyment. All of these, from the great met- 
ropolitan clubs of the cities down to the very 
humblest in the " wilds," are governed by club 
laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In 
New York, now a city of clubs, this etiquette 
differs much from that observed in London, 
Paris, or any of the large continental centers. 
In London, a man is identified with his club. 
He rarely belongs to more than one, and his 
membership there denotes his social standing, 
his pursuits in life, and, above all, his politics. 
English clubs are also very jealous of admittance 
of strangers, and are not in the least hospitable 

126 



®t)e Bachelor's QTlub. 



127 



to the foreigner. There are exceptions to this 
among the literary, theatrical, and Bohemian 
organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are 
' ' closed." In New York, Boston, Chicago, 
and other American cities there are organiza- 
tions which insist upon certain qualifications, 
such as being a university man, a lawyer, an 
author, a physician, or a member of a college 
fraternity, for admittance; but then the mem- 
bers also belong to other clubs, where their 
social standing, or perhaps the extent of their 
bank account, is their passport. 

If a man wishes to get on socially, he 
should belong to at least one good club. It 
gives him his standing in the community, and 
places him. He is no longer on the list of the 
unidentified. 

When a choice is made of a club which 
you desire to join, the next step would be to 
have two members in good standing to act 
as your sponsors — one proposes your name 
and the other seconds. A good sponsor is 
necessary, and you should choose one who 
has many friends in the organization of which 
you desire to become a member. The presi- 
dent, officers, and the governing committee 
are debarred from either proposing or second- 
ing a name for membership. The term of a 



i28 QL\)c Cffomplete Bachelor. 



man's novitiate depends upon the state of the 
waiting list. Your proposer will notify you 
when your name will be reached, as he him- 
self will be notified in writing by the com- 
mittee on membership. The rules of candi- 
dacy differ in various clubs. In some, the 
name of the candidate with those of the two 
members proposing him is exposed in a con- 
spicuous place where the entire club can see it. 
There is also a book in which other members 
sign the application, and the number of signa- 
tures, of course, has weight with the gov- 
ernors. 

Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept 
for the purpose in the steward's office, and it 
is not necessary that any other indorsement 
except that of your sponsors be made. 

Any member objecting to the name of a 
candidate has two methods by which he can 
make known his objection. One is to write 
directly to the governors, or to the committee 
on admissions and membership, whichever, 
according to the laws of the club, has the 
matter in hand. Usually it is the governing 
committee or board of governors. This com- 
munication is treated, as are all club matters, 
with the secrecy of the confessional. Your 
sponsors are written to and the objections 



®t)c Bachelor's (Club. 129 



stated, but the name of the person objecting is 
withheld. The other method is, if any one has 
an objection to your admission, that he should 
go at once in a manly way to one of your spon- 
sors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a 
New York club that any candidate is black- 
balled. The warning from the governing 
committee, or from another member to the 
sponsors, is a word to the wise, and the men 
who propose you should immediately with- 
draw your name to avoid a disaster. Other- 
wise a very great risk is run, as objections 
which have any foundation have great weight 
with the governing committee. 

In the clubs where the names of the candi- 
dates are kept only in a small book, while on 
the waiting list they are posted ten days before 
the election in a conspicuous part of the club- 
house. No candidate can be elected to a club 
who is not personally known to two or more 
members of the governing committee. A 
short time before election, if the candidate has 
not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his 
sponsors to take him around and introduce 
him, or to arrange that he will meet these 
gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name 
will go over; and after two setbacks of this 
kind, it will be rejected. 



i3° Complete jBcufjekrr. 



On the election of a candidate — the ballot- 
ing being done by the governing committee — 
the sponsors are notified, sometimes by post- 
ing and otherwise simply by letter. The sec- 
retary of the club will let the new member know 
immediately of his election, and the letter, which 
is usually a form, will also notify him that his 
admission fee and yearly dues are payable. The 
admission or entrance fee to a club is from one 
hundred to two hundred dollars in the well- 
known New York organizations, and the yearly 
dues are from seventy-five to one hundred dol- 
lars. These must be paid at once by check. 
The rules of most clubs allow a thirty-day 
limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted 
after the date of the yearly meeting, you will 
only be liable for one half the current yearly 
dues ; otherwise you pay the entire amount. 

It is now the duty of the sponsors to intro- 
duce their newly elected candidate to the club. 
This is an easy matter. One of them will go 
with you, sit in the general smoking or loung- 
ing room, and make you acquainted with one 
or two of his friends. The responsibility is 
then over. 

Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the 
application of the usual rules of courtesy ob- 
served in private life. The club is your home. 



Bachelor's (EInb. 



You should behave there as you would in your 
own house as host, and consequently your 
conduct toward your fellow-members should 
be characterized by the utmost consideration. 

The average clubhouse has a large room 
on the ground or first floor which is used for 
smoking, reading, the newspapers, and ' 'liv- 
ing " generally. On the floors above there are 
the dining rooms, the library, and reading and 
card rooms. The billiard room occupies a 
special quarter, according to the plan of the 
house. 

A clever man said that there was but one 
rule of clubhouse etiquette different from the 
general laws of manners, and that was to keep 
your hat on. This is true, but then there are 
many others. Men do not take off their hats on 
entering a club, and do not remove them in any 
room except that in which they dine. All so- 
cial clubs are more or less ' ' closed. " Visitors are 
only allowed under certain restrictions. The 
general rule is that a member may invite to the 
use of the club for a period of ten consecutive 
days any one not a resident of the city, but can 
have no more than one guest at a time. No 
stranger shall be introduced a second time un- 
less he shall have been absent from the city 
three months. In some clubs a member may 



13 2 CTomplete Badjekrr. 



introduce as a visitor a resident of the city, but 
he can have no more than one such guest at a 
time. No person shall be introduced more 
than once in twelve months. Other clubs are 
open to the admission of visitors at certain 
periods, and others again have ladies' days, at 
which a reception to the fair friends of the 
members is given. All this depends on the 
rules of the club. As soon as you are made a 
member you are given a little book in which 
these are contained, and you should study 
them carefully. The name of a guest should 
be entered on the visitors' book with that ot 
his host. If the visitor is put up for a certain 
period a card to the club is sent him, and dur- 
ing his stay he has all the privileges of a mem- 
ber. He can run up an account, but he should 
certainly settle it before his term expires, other- 
wise his host will be held responsible. 

A clubman never pays an attendant for re- 
freshment or food served. Gratuities of any 
kind to servants are forbidden. When refresh- 
ment is required, you press the electric bell, of 
which there are a number in all the rooms, and 
the attendant comes to you for your order. 
When he brings it he has with it a check which 
you sign. These checks are, of course, debited 
to you, and you receive your bill once a month, 



®l)e Bachelor's Gtlnb. 133 



or you can make arrangements to pay at the 
steward's or cashier's desk daily. 

You order your meals in the same manner, 
and when they are ready, the servant will noti- 
fy you. 

At most of the clubs smoking is not per- 
mitted in the dining rooms until after nine, nor 
are refreshments allowed to be served in the 
visitors' room or library at any time. Books 
and magazines are not to be removed from the 
reading room or library, nor any publication 
belonging to the club from the clubhouse. 

There is still a prejudice against pipe smok- 
ing in many of the clubs, and you must con- 
sult the rules before you attempt this practice. 
A man does not remove his coat or sit in his 
shirtsleeves in any of the public rooms. An 
allowance, however, is made in the billiard 
room. 

The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances 
of a club. Loud talking may be endured in the 
smoking or general room, but certainly not in 
the library or the reading rooms. 

The ".kicker" is another objectionable per- 
son. He should remember that the best way 
of rectifying abuses is to send to the house 
committee all complaints of any deficiency in 
the service of the club, of overcharges, mis- 



i34 ®t)e Glotttplete Bachelor. 



takes, or defects. The club is not a place to 
conduct one's commercial interests. Invitations 
and special correspondence can be conducted 
on club paper, but certainly it is a breach of 
club etiquette to use it for business purposes. 

The man who bows to a woman from a 
club window is not a gentleman. By this ac- 
tion he fastens upon her the most disgraceful 
odium one of her sex can bear. 

The name of a woman should never be 
whispered in a club unless it is to say some- 
thing complimentary of her. Even this is not 
in good taste. 

It is not club etiquette to " treat" You can 
do so if you desire, but you are not obliged to 
follow this inane custom, which is born of bar- 
room ethics. 

All the affairs of a club must be regarded in 
strict confidence. Under no consideration 
should that which has occurred within these 
sacred portals be divulged to outsiders. 

Once a year — usually at Christmas — a sub- 
scription is taken up for the employees and 
servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper 
amount to give. 

A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant at- 
tached, where members may take their families 
or give dinners, or where the wives of mem- 



Clje Bachelor's QTlub. 135 



bers have the privilege of giving luncheons or , 
other entertainments. Otherwise ladies are not 
admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, ex- 
cept on ladies' days, and where there is an " an- 
nex" they can only avail themselves of that 
part set aside for their convenience upon the 
authority of a member. 

These rules pertaining to the general gov- 
ernment of clubs have been compiled from the 
constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metro- 
politan, Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhat- 
tan Clubs of New York. The constitutions of 
the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chica- 
go, San Francisco, and other clubs are almost 
identical. 



CHAPTER XVI. 



THE SPORTING BACHELOR. 

Driving. — Driving really comprises coach- 
ing as well as the tandem. 

A man who has any pretensions whatever 
to keeping his own horses or driving should 
be judged by the appearance of his traps. He 
submits himself to what one, to-day, might call 
the X-ray of criticism. He enters a field, and 
he must be weighed in the balance and his 
position defined by the standard of his asso- 
ciates. I know of no other city in the world 
where there are better groomed horses and 
better turned out equipages than in New York. 
The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the 
appearance of the traps in that famous drive- 
way of fashion, and his national pride is grati- 
fied by observing that the smartest are of 
American makes. As to Paris, it is simply be- 
yond the pale of criticism, the private turnouts, 

136 



®t)e Sporting Siuljeior. 137 



such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of 
dirty, disgraceful fiacres. 

In the first place, your horses must be well 
groomed, their hoofs blackened, and their tails 
properly banged. I do not intend here to en- 
ter a discussion concerning the cruelty of dock- 
ing horses' tails. The social law is without 
exception. Horses with long tails are impos- 
sible. I believe banging is not accompanied 
by any physical pain. 

The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, 
and groom or grooms should be as immacu- 
late as the horses. There should not be a sin- 
gle item out of gear. Every detail must be 
perfect. Choose some individual color for your 
traps, and never change the colors of your sta- 
ble any more than you would your liveries. I 
have discussed fully in the chapter on Servants 
the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer 
the reader to that section of this book for in- 
formation concerning liveries and the human 
personnel of your trap. 

As to the color of your horses you should 
consult the fashion of the moment. To-day 
grays and bays are matched, and a person in 
half mourning recently appeared on a leading 
thoroughfare with a black trap and harness and 
white horses. 
10 



i3 8 ®f)£ (Complete Bachelor. 



A bachelor, however, should court sim- 
plicity, and I do not even approve of an equi- 
page with two men on the box for an unmarried 
man. In fact I do not know of a single bache- 
lor who has such a turnout. 

A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the 
array of fashionable carts, or a private hansom 
should limit the list. 

Coolness and absolute confidence are the 
requisite virtues of good driving. 

The driver salutes always with the whip; 
those on the coach with him or in the trap 
bow. 

Dress for driving in the city is usually that 
of afternoon, and a high hat is indispensable. 
Sometimes the huge gray coats with large but- 
tons and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin 
driving gloves and driving boots complete the 
costume. In the country one wears tweed or 
Scotch cheviot and a Derby hat. The man 
who drives mounts last, his horses' heads being 
held by the groom. His whip should be in its 
socket; the reins loosely thrown over the 
horses' backs. He should spring into his seat 
and start immediately. 

There is a certain smartness in driving, in 
the way you manage your whip, your horses, 
and the many other details, which it is the 



®fye Sporting Bachelor. 139 



province of a good master of the sport to teach 
you. 

The fashionable hour for driving in New 
York is from three to five, and the drive the 
Park. At Newport one drives both in the 
morning and evening. 

Remember, however, that the secret of 
your mastery over your stables should be your 
perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are 
a novice you should begin by learning the 
name and use of each part of your harness. 
You should be able to tell at a glance if every- 
thing is right, and you can not be too severe 
if anything is out of gear or the animals are 
not properly groomed. The best position on 
the box is a firm seat with your feet close to- 
gether. Drive with one hand and keep the 
whip hand free, except for its legitimate use 
in touching your horses now and then, and in 
saluting. 

A man always sits with his back to the 
horses in a Victoria, or any other four-seated 
vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. 
When there is only one he sits by her side. 
He alights first with a view to assisting the 
ladies. He gets in last. 

It is not good form in New York for un- 
married couples to drive together, unaccom- 



i4° ®t)e (jtcmplete Bacljelar. 



panied by a chaperon. It is permitted at New- 
port and the country and seaside resorts, but a 
groom always sits on the back seat. In this 
case the woman is frequently the whip. 

A man and a woman may drive together in 
the city in a hansom, although this is consid- 
ered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in 
vogue in New York. 

Riding, since the advent of the wheel, is 
not as fashionable an amusement in cities as 
formerly. 

Riding classes, which meet two evenings 
during the week, usually in the Lenten season, 
are still very popular. These gatherings take 
place at a riding academy, and a competent 
riding master is in charge. 

When riding with a woman, a man should 
always be at her right. A woman's riding 
habit falls to the left and she is mounted from 
the left. In assisting her to mount, which, 
even when a groom is present, is the gallant 
thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with 
the left hand and hold his right so that she can 
step into it. The woman puts her left foot, 
therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to 
the pommel with her right hand. The escort 
gives his arm a slight spring, and with a cor- 
responding action on the part of the fair eques- 



®tie Sporting Saclidor. 141 



trienne, she is lifted into the saddle. The man 
faces the near side of the horse, or the left. He 
takes the reins in his right hand and with it 
grasps the pommel of the saddle, shortening 
the reins until he feels the mouth of the horse. 
He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and springs 
into the saddle. 

In speaking of a pommel, I wish it under- 
stood that the English saddle is used, which 
has no visible pommel, but that part of it is 
still called by the name in lieu of another term. 

A good rider should never mount from a 
horse block or a fence. The English mode of 
riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a 
short canter. In trotting, a man may rise to the 
trot. Squaring the elbows is a trifle vulgar 
and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a 
man should bow. A man accompanying a 
lady should always keep pace with her, and 
never either go ahead or let his horse fall be- 
hind. A man riding alone should never pass 
or catch up with a woman unattended. 

When one rides in New York it is only. in 
the morning. Afternoon riding in the Park is 
not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dis- 
likes to dress up in any special costume, so 
that for years the fashionable afternoon riding 
costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, 



142 ®f)e (JTotttplete Scufyelor. 



ordinary trousers strapped under the ordinary 
walking boot, top hat, and gloves, but the 
present riding costume for the morning in New 
York and the country consists of whipcord or 
corduroy riding breeches and jacket, brown 
leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or 
leggings, and dark gloves. You can wear 
this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume 
is considered smarter and more convenient. 
Men in New York only ride in the Park, and 
many of them do not belong to riding acad- 
emies or have lockers. A complete change of 
costume is not convenient, and you never see 
a New York clubman on the streets in riding 
togs. The evening classes always end with a 
supper and a dance. The woman's habit is 
easily changed, but to appear at night in riding 
costume or with boots in a drawing room is 
certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on 
horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also out- 
landish, and thus the compromise has been 
effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway 
brought into use. 

Riding to hounds requires special knowl- 
edge as to the rules and the etiquette of the 
different hunts. These vary. The meet is 
generally at some farm or country house, and 
you are expected to appear in the regulation 



<£f)e Sporting Bachelor. 143 



hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morn- 
ing coat, white or fancy waistcoat, riding 
breeches, top boots, crop, top hat, and hunt- 
ing scarf. The master of the hounds should 
wear a red or scarlet frock coat and hunting 
cap. After the hunt there is a breakfast, and 
several times during the year a ball. At the 
latter festivity, members of the club should 
wear their scarlet evening coats. 

Coaching is yet another of the intricate arts. 
I will give a few points to the novice. The 
place of honor is the box seat and should be 
given to a lady, when ladies are of the party. 

If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching 
party is an excellent way for him to entertain. 
The start should be from some fashionable lo- 
cality in town, and eight or ten is a large party. 
It is needless for me to call the attention of a 
whip to the importance of his drag and horses 
and appointments being perfect. During the 
progress of the coach the guard who sits in 
the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. 
A bugle or cornet is not good form, although 
I have heard it in small towns. 

It may seem elementary, but for the re- 
quirements of those who have never coached 
I might as well state that the guests sit on the 
top and not inside the coach. A neat and 



i44 ®t}e dcntplete Bachelor. 



serviceable team may be made with two 
browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as 
wheelers. To the novice the names of these 
will indicate their position. 

A coaching route should be about ten to 
fifteen miles. A halt is made at a country 
club, of which the host is a member, or a 
hotel, where luncheon is served. The menu 
consists of the usual comestibles with plenty 
of champagne. Two hours altogether are al- 
lowed for rest, and then the start homeward is 
made. The whip should wear driving cos- 
tume, with gray or black high hat. The men 
guests can be dressed in morning costume, 
tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion 
is one of formality, such as a coaching parade, 
when one should don afternoon dress. The 
general etiquette of driving applies to coaching. 

Wheeling is the popular and fashionable 
amusement at present writing, and it bids fair 
to continue so until quite late in the twentieth 
century. As yet there are no special rules of 
etiquette for this new sport, except that which 
would govern its dress. Otherwise there are 
the rules of the road — keeping and turning to 
the right — and the extending by gentlemen of 
those civilities which they should never forget 
to the fair sex, and consideration for their fel- 



®l)e Sporting I3acf)elcr. 145 



low-men. A man should always wait for a 
lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should 
ride at her left, keeping pace with her, and 
sufficiently near to be of assistance in case of 
an accident. He should dismount first and 
help her to do so if necessary. The present 
fashionable costume for cycling consists of 
tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same 
material, brown leather or linen waistcoat, 
colored shirt, with white turn-down collar and 
club tie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan 
wheeling shoes. A cap of tweed to match 
the suit completes the rig. At cycling clubs 
black small clothes with dinner jacket may 
be worn, but as yet it is not the prevailing 
fashion. 

In summer very natty wheeling costumes 
are made of linen or crash. 

One word more as to wheeling. Owing 
to its popularity, many have sought to make 
it vulgar and common. An idea that a man 
has the privilege of addressing any woman on 
a bicycle is most erroneous. You would not 
offer such an impertinence to an equestrienne, 
and you must remember that a "wheel" is 
only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass 
unchaperoned or unescorted women wheelers 
is as much a breach of etiquette as to be guilty 



146 ®f)£ (Homyktc Bachelor. 



of the same vulgarity toward an unaccom- 
panied Amazon. 

Shooting deserves a few words, although 
shooting parties in the acceptance of the for- 
eign and British entertainments have as yet 
but few counterparts in this country. Men 
chase the aniseed bag or an imported fox 
when riding to hounds, and when they take 
gun in hand it is for the purpose of hunting big 
game, such as one would obtain in the Adiron- 
dack^, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp 
lands, and in the wilderness of Canada. In 
England you may be invited for the shooting. 
The start is in the morning, in a party accom- 
panied by the gamekeepers. The birds are 
flurried, the guns are loaded by your special 
attendant, and you only pause in your work of 
destruction for luncheon, which is served some- 
where in the woods or on the moors. You 
are expected to be at the house about four, 
where, after changing your clothes, you ap- 
pear in the drawing room for tea. You are 
cautioned in these parties, in order to avoid 
accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any 
other obstacle, to remove your cartridges. You 
are to be unusually careful in the manner of 
holding your gun, and should certainly not 
flourish it around or point it at any living 



®t)e Sporting Bachelor. 147 



thing, save that which it is intended to kill. 
Guns used as walking sticks or props to take 
flying leaps or other extraordinary purposes 
are the assinine diversions of some idiots. In 
England a position is assigned to you. It is 
etiquette to remain in it, shooting in a liberal 
and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting shots as 
they come. The gamekeepers expect a tip 
at the end of the visit. The correct dress is 
loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches, stout 
ribbed stockings, and box-cloth leggings. 
Heavy russet boots and a cloth shooting cap 
are also worn. 

Bowls is a favorite game in the country, and 
during the Lenten season in New York, where 
there are a number of clubs formed for its en- 
joyment. 

Although the sessions are in the evening, 
the men diess at clubs in mufti or neglige, the 
golf or cycling suits being the favorites. When 
you are asked to play bowls at a private house, 
and when there is a dance to follow, or when 
you are asked to a "bowling party," it is per- 
haps better form to wear your dinner jacket or 
Tuxedo, as there will be supper and dancing 
afterward. The presence of ladies will not de- 
ter you from wearing on an occasion like this 
demitoilet or dinner jacket, as there is a certain 



148 ®I)e (ftotttpkte JJacljdor. 



informality about all athletic sports. The same 
may be said of badminton, another favorite 
Lenten game, played somewhat after the man- 
ner of tennis. The difference is that instead of 
racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are 
used. 

For skating, even at a rink on artificial ice, 
golf costume or mufti is good form. 

Polo has likewise no code of etiquette not 
connected with the rules of the game. The 
dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches, 
flannel or madras shirt with low turn-down 
collar, top riding boots, and polo cap. 

Yachting, Boating, Bathing, Tennis, and 
Racing. 

A yacht in commission is the most expen- 
sive and luxurious toy a man can have. No 
one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in 
other possessions, there are degrees, and con- 
sequently there are yachts and yachts. Only 
large schooner or steam yachts, however, are 
adaptable for entertaining. A man's yacht 
is indeed his castle, and the host has only to 
follow the rules which govern social functions 
to be perfect in this delightful method of enter- 
taining. Yet there are a few little details of 
which it would be prudent to speak. The 



QLl)c Sporting Bachelor. 149 



proper entertainments for a yacht in harbor are 
luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. 
None of these should be elaborate, the yacht 
itself — a thing of joy and beauty — being alone 
a great attraction. 

Your sailors should meet the people invited 
at the dock in the cutter, and row them to the 
place where your yacht rides at anchor. You 
should be at the gangway ready to receive 
them. The same order should be observed 
on their leaving. 

During a club cruise there are several for- 
malities to be observed. You are then as if 
under military or naval orders. The commo- 
dore should be treated with the same consid- 
eration as an admiral. You should not appear 
before him except in the uniform of the club, 
and you should always salute him on passing, 
and he should have precedence at all entertain- 
ments. 

Yachting dress for men consists in either 
blue flannel or serge suit, or weather pilot or 
pea-jacket of rough cloth or " witney," or blue 
serge or flannel coat with naval white duck 
trousers. The cap, blue or white cloth or 
duck. White flannels are also worn, but they 
are not so appropriate. In the evening, usual 
formal landsman's costume. 



150 &f)e Complete ©acfyetor. 



There are a few rules of practical yacht- 
ing which are so intimately connected with 
etiquette that, although it is not exactly in 
my province, I propose to give a summary 
of them here; they may be useful, and may 
serve my reader a good turn. I take the regu- 
lations of the New York Yacht Club for my 
guide. It is without doubt the leading yacht- 
ing organization of this country. 

When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a 
club should hoist their colors at eight o'clock 
a. m. and haul them down at sunset, taking 
time from the senior officer present in port, if 
there should be one. Between sunset and col- 
ors they should carry a night pennant. Guns 
should only be fired on setting or hauling down 
the colors, except by the yacht giving the time, 
nor between sunset and colors, nor on Sunday, 
and the rules of many yacht clubs insist on 
these formalities being observed whether a 
yacht is on a cruise or not. 

The senior officer in port should be in com- 
mand, and should make colors and sunset and 
return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should 
remain the station vessel until a senior to him 
in rank arrives, when such senior should as- 
sume the duties of the anchorage. 

Flag officers should display their pennants 



®t)e Sporting Bachelor. 151 



while in commission, except when absent for 
more than forty-eight hours. In this case their 
private signal should be hoisted. A blue rec- 
tangular flag at the starboard spreader should 
be displayed when the owner is not on board. 

All salutes should be returned in kind. 
Yachts of all clubs should always salute vessels 
of the United States Navy. Yachts passing 
at sea should salute each other, juniors saluting 
first. This is done by dipping the ensign three 
times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping 
the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or 
on Sunday the salute should be made the first 
thing next morning. 

When a squadron or a cruising expedition 
enters a port or anchorage and finds there a 
foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron 
or cruise should send its owner a tender of the 
civilities of the club. All vessels are consid- 
ered foreign not belonging to the interstate 
squadron, or to a club not included in the asso- 
ciation of yachts to which your vessel and you 
belong. 

Of course I have only skimmed through the 
sailing and saluting regulations. You are sup- 
posed to have a book of your club, which will 
give them to you, and you are bound to follow 
the rules laid down therein. 



152 ®1)£ QTontplete Bachelor. 



As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club 
wears on his cap an anchor one inch and a half 
in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered 
in gold, with a silver star of half an inch diame- 
ter at each end of and above the anchor. A 
vice commodore wears only a single star; cap- 
tains two crossed foul anchors. The dress 
uniform of most yacht clubs is a plain blue or 
black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each 
with the club button in gilt; blue or white 
trousers with cravat black or white. The 
undress consists of a double-breasted sack 
coat of blue cloth, serge, or flannel, blue or 
white waistcoat, each with the black club 
button; trousers of same material, or of white 
drill. The commodore has five black silk 
stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, 
the rear commodore three, the captain and 
other officers two, and the members one. 

Your crew should wear shirts of blue flan- 
nel or white linen with wide blue cuffs and 
collars, stitched with blue or white thread. 
Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of 
blue cloth without visor; straw hats with black 
ribbon can be used for summer. The name of 
the yacht must be worked on the breast of the 
shirt, or printed upon the band of the cap or 
the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be 



tl\)c Sporting Sacfjetor. 153 



of blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces 
are worn. 

Golf. 

The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more 
or less, with the technicalities of the rules 
governing the game. I do not intend to go 
into these, but to give a few hints to the nov- 
ice, to prevent him, if possible, committing 
solecisms. 

Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The 
" grounds" on which the game is played 
is a stretch of rather rough country, abound- 
ing in hills, hillocks, and sandy downs, 
and is known by no other name but the 
" links." 

The game is usually played by two persons, 
but it can be by more. It consists in driving 
a ball, small and black, or painted red for the 
winter snows, along a route laid out by a series 
of holes to a goal, with a selection of clubs 
with metal ends. A small boy carries these 
clubs around for the players. He is called the 
" caddie." 

The clubs have various names and various 
uses. They are for propelling or driving the 
ball, according to the rules of the game. They 
are the driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, 



i54 ®l)e (Complete jBacljebr. 



iron putter, cleek, iron, niblick, brassey, loft- 
ing iron, and mashie. 

A "tee" is a small mound of sand or earth 
upon which the ball rests. As before explained, 
the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into 
one of the holes. The term "putting" is ap- 
plied to the locality in which this operation of 
driving the ball into the hole takes place. 

The etiquette of the spectator is embraced 
in the common-sense essential of being an on- 
looker and nothing more. Silence is golden. 
Advice and comment, should you profess to 
know anything about the game, are brazen. 
Be considerate ; do not interfere with the com- 
fort of the players. As at billiards, the stroke 
should be made in utter silence. The golf 
"links" is not a place for criticism, and if 
you are allowed to follow the players around, 
you must control your feelings alike when en- 
thusiastic or when contemptuous. Besides 
being a breach of good manners, remember 
that golf is more or less an outdoor game of 
whist. 

Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, 
but as it is a sport in the repertoire of a gentle- 
man, it would seem almost an insult to hint at 
such a contingency. However, apart from the 
moral effect of cheating at any game, if a man 



®l)e Sparting Bacljebr. 155 



is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive 
to the fear of being found out. Such discovery 
means social ostracism. 

The proper golf costume is based on com- 
mon sense. The man who rigs himself up for 
this or any other sport in what he considers 
the most approved style is either a very bad 
player or a novice. The championships have 
been won by men wearing their ordinary street 
costumes or business lounge suits. The Eng- 
lish and Scotch golf dress, however, is sack 
coat, knickers without leather extensions, and 
a plain tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white 
madras, soft, unstarched bosom, with a golf 
stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of 
heavy russet or black leather. The hose has a 
long ribbed top, which is turned over, forming 
a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It 
is made of heavy worsted, plain or ribbed. 
This costume will do for winter in the Eng- 
lish climate, when you can not employ too 
heavy tweeds in the north and west. The 
American costume, however, is made of light- 
er tweeds for the spring and autumn, and of 
brown linen or holland for the summer. As 
yet, except in one or two localities, golf is not 
generally played in winter, except by enthu- 
siasts. 



is 6 ®l]e Complete Bachelor. 



At a match, golfers wear their club uniform 
coats, which are made of hunting pink with 
brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full 
and proper dress for all golf functions, such as 
dinners and dances and receptions. For golf 
club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread 
stockings and pumps and black knickers would 
be appropriate dress. This will be regulated 
by the rules of the club. 

Boating and Bathing, Tennis and Racing. 

But a word, and this on costume. The 
proper dress in England, where boating is a 
social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt 
with white linen all-around collars and ma- 
dras cuffs, same material as shirt, white duck 
trousers, and straw hat with colored rib- 
bons. 

For bathing, the present ocean costume is 
all plain, one dark-color two-piece suits, short 
trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with 
very short sleeves. 

For tennis, which I have omitted in the 
category of sports, as there is no peculiar eti- 
quette attached, you should wear white duck 
trousers, a white madras shirt, white flannel 
coat, plain or finely striped, and straw hat or 



®l)c Sporting Sacfjdor. 157 



flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was 
in vogue last summer. 

In England many men wear gray vicuna 
frock coats to the races. About this costume, 
however, in America, where races are but sel- 
dom social functions, you must be guided by 
the season, circumstances, and place. Of 
course, a top hat must be worn with any spe- 
cies of frock coat, but the gray top hat has 
gone out of fashion. 

Gymkhana races are burlesque affairs im- 
ported from India. The participants are dressed 
in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged to 
race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some 
other absurdity. They are in great favor at 
summer watering places. 

Billiards. 

The etiquette of this popular pastime is 
possibly embraced in the general maxim of 
"the extending of the utmost consideration 
for others." 

Billiards constitutes quite an important 
factor in club life, and should have been 
included in the chapter on that subject but 
for the fact that so many private houses 
have billiard rooms, and the game is bet- 



158 ©Ije domplete Bachelor. 



ter classified with the different sports of a 
bachelor. 

At the club it is allowable to play the game 
sans one's coat, or in shirt sleeves. The bil- 
liard room is a place where one can be uncon- 
ventional. Order, however, in a match game 
especially, should be strictly maintained. The 
severe English rule at clubs, under such cir- 
cumstances, requires the man who has played 
his stroke 4 'to retire to a reasonable distance, 
and keep out of the line of sight " (vide the 
Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for 
drinks to the waiter, loud talking, criticism of 
the play, lighting pipes and cigars — the latter 
being only generally allowed in New York 
club billiard rooms — are all offenses against 
etiquette. 

In private houses it is certainly a breach of 
good manners to bolt into a billiard room while 
a game is in progress, except between the 
strokes, and this period can be easily ascer- 
tained by listening at the door. The ideal 
game is conducted with strict observance of 
the etiquette of the room. It is, according to 
the same Badminton authority, a game dur- 
ing the progress of which neither player 
smokes nor interrupts the other, and spectators 
are generally courteous, silent, and impartial. 



®l]e Sporting Sacljclor. 159 



In a private house where ladies are apt to be 
present and to be players, shirt sleeves are cer- 
tainly not tolerated. The dinner coat is use- 
ful on these occasions. Smoking is permissi- 
ble if the hostess consents. 

The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. 
Whist means silence. No gentleman quarrels 
with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still 
less should he dispute a point at cards. Better 
lose, especially when women are present, than 
enter a controversy. 



CHAPTER XVII. 



A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD. 

To seem entirely at one's ease is the best 
maxim I can give for traveling. You can not 
actually pretend to experience that which may 
be totally lacking, but by making yourself com- 
fortable you will increase the pleasure of others. 
There is, in these days of luxurious traveling, 
but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse 
whatever for not being as well dressed as you 
are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a 
great deal, and if you have not a servant with 
you it will simply require a little care at the 
commencement to insure your entire freedom 
from all annoyance. 

As I have already observed in a previous 
chapter, in a long journey it would be better 
to take more than one trunk, but even if you 
have but the one you should carry also a bag 
with your toilet articles. A dressing bag is 
most requisite, and if you can not afford this 

160 



91 Bachelors ®rat)ds. 161 



you could have an ordinary bag, or even a 
" dress suit" case, fitted up with the necessary 
appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost 
absurd to state, consist of your razors, tooth 
and nail brushes, combs and hairbrushes, in- 
dividual soap, and a few small vials of very 
useful physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's 
extract, liver pills, cologne, and, if you do not 
carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There 
are times when this is absolutely necessary. 
In my dressing bag, if possible, I would take 
my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for 
the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I 
could not get at my trunk. Overcoats, water- 
proof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc., 
should be carried in a shawl strap, where you 
could also have a novel or so. or a budget of in- 
teresting newspapers or magazines. For short 
railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is 
the ordinary lounge or morning sack suit, 
with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are 
necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most cor- 
rect. In winter an ulster should be worn. 
Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warm- 
est lounge suit you have, or, if you feel more 
disposed, a warm tweed knickerbocker suit, 
such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good 
principle to put on your old clothes at sea. 



162 ®l]e (Jtomplete Bachelor. 



Only very vulgar people dress for this occasion. 
For late dinner on the ship I would have a 
black cutaway coat and a light tie. I believe 
men must change their clothes before dinner at 
all places and under all circumstances. Rus- 
set shoes are worn. 

Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased 
in time, and arrive at a train so that you will 
have fully five minutes in which to check your 
luggage. 

On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to 
leave at an early hour in the morning, go on 
board the night before. Farewell suppers are 
like greetings in tugboats and other vulgar 
celebrations, the meed of the second-class poli- 
tician. Arrange with your banker for letters 
of credit, and take with you just sufficient small 
change to carry you comfortably and pay your 
little expenses, with one note of a larger de- 
nomination in case of accident. Do not get 
your money changed on the ship. It is effected 
at a very high rate of discount. Thus on Eng- 
lish ships — the Cunard, White Star, Anchor, 
and Allan lines — English currency is used. 
The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd 
employ German, and the Transatlantique, 
French. Your steamer trunk and your bag 
and shawl strap should be placed in the cabin 



163 



with you. Steamer chairs, in these days, can 
be hired. Do not carry one around with you. 
It is a nuisance. On the ocean steamers the 
steward will attend to your little wants, and 
prepare your bath for you in the morning, for 
which there is a fee, I think, of twenty-five 
cents a day. It is customary on leaving a ship 
to give gratuities to servants. To the cabin 
steward on English ships, ten shillings, the 
head steward ten shillings, and your waiter ten 
shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, 
a fee equal to two dollars should be given to 
your waiter and your cabin steward and to 
the head steward. Servants abroad are feed 
on a regular tariff, which you will find in the 
guidebooks. In this country the drawing- 
car fiend expects twenty-five cents for a day's 
journey; fifty cents to a dollar for longer and 
more extended service. At American hotels 
the waiters are tipped when you leave, and a 
small gratuity given to chambermaids. 

Courtesy, especially to women, is the one 
thing expected from every gentleman who 
travels, and if you can assist any one in dis- 
tress by advice or by help of any kind do so, 
particularly if it is an unprotected woman. 
But be very guarded in making new acquaint- 
ances. Such as are picked up on the steamer, 



164 ®lje dcmplete Bacljelcrr. 



for instance, can be dropped as soon as you 
land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker 
sharps who travel on the great liners. Make 
it a rule, if you will play for money, never to 
do so with strangers. 

When traveling with a lady, always carry 
her bag and assist her in and out of the trains. 
Your behavior is on its mettle under these cir- 
cumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like 
a mustard plaster, bringing out both the good 
and evil attributes of a man. 

The subject of foreign travel also needs a 
few words as well as a bit of general advice. 
English customs and our own are so much 
alike that it would be strange, indeed, if an 
American could not get along in the land where 
his own tongue is spoken. One of the first 
difficulties which once beset traveling Ameri- 
cans in London was the regulation in theaters 
that the audience, or that part of it occupying 
the best stalls, should be in evening dress. As 
evening dress is now also the rule in New 
York, this quandary is a thing of the past. 
Programmes at many of the English theaters 
are now free, where some years ago it was 
customary to sell bills of the play for sixpence. 

The feeing of servants at hotels, however, 
continues, and we yet have the charge on 



3t jSactjclors Srauels. 



hotel bills for service. You are expected to 
give something to the hall porter, to your 
waiter, to the boots, and to the chambermaid. 
The amount of these fees differs according to 
the length of your stay. I should say a half 
crown to the porter and less sums to the 
others. 

In London a shilling a mile is the accepted 
price for cabs within a certain metropolitan 
radius called the "circle." "Thrupence" or 
sixpence extra is the tip "to drink your 
health." 

Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the 
park after midday, and cabs and hansoms are 
not seen on the Row during riding and driving 
hours. 

In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and 
make the turn of the Bois in a fiacre. The 
tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs 
fifty per course, from one place to another. 
The pourboire is fifty centimes. 

In France the pourboire is a veritable tax, 
as it is in Italy and in the Latin countries. In 
Germany the mark is equal to about twenty- 
five cents of our money, and it will go a long 
way. Ten marks will fee a houseful of serv- 
ants. 

At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given 



166 Stye QTomplete Bachelor- 



to the porter. The " commissionnaire " at the 
hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters' 
fo/r^s are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and 
at dinner a franc. In a cafe they are twenty- 
five centimes. 

The woman at the theater who puts a foot- 
stool under your feet expects one franc, and at 
many of the playhouses she must be feed for a 
reserved seat. 

In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied 
only by men. At the opera during the season 
evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of 
course, de rigueur. At the Comedie Franf aise 
on Tuesdays and at the Odeon on Thursdays 
you must be in evening dress in order to gain 
admittance. 

Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic 
churches, and in both the London and Paris 
parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or 
sous. 

In Paris omnibuses only the seating ca- 
pacity is allowed. When the omnibus is full, 
a sign, "Complet" is fastened on the out- 
side. 

At the gates of each small town in France 
the octroi, or impost, levies on articles of food 
brought in, and the customhouse in England 
seizes all American reprints of English books. 



& Bachelor's ®rat)el0. 167 



There, as well as in France, spirits and tobacco 
are dutiable. 

It is only civil to bow when passing the 
Prince of Wales or members of the royal 
family. In Paris every hat is removed when 
a hearse passes, as also in Italy. In Germany 
the hat is removed when the emperor passes. 

Passports are necessary for Russian and 
Eastern travel. 

All large functions on the Continent, no 
matter what time of the day they occur, de- 
mand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom 
at a wedding in the afternoon wears evening 
dress, as well as the chief male mourner at a 
funeral, but the others present do not. This 
does not apply to groomsmen and honorary 
pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In 
Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty 
appears, evening dress is necessary. At the 
audiences granted by the Pope all men must 
be in evening dress, and the women in dark 
gowns and veils. 

The Queen of England, the Princess of 
Wales, and all other female members of the 
royal family are addressed as "Ma'am"; the 
Prince of Wales and the male members as 
"Sir," and never, except by tradesmen, as 
" Your Royal Highness." 



168 ®l)e Qlomplete Bachelor. 



The English dukes are addressed simply as 
4 "Duke" and not as "Your Grace"; a mar- 
quis is "Lord" and a marchioness "Lady." 
Younger sons of dukes should be spoken of 
as lord. A French duke and duchess are ad- 
dressed as "Monsieur" and "Madame." In 
Germany one drops the Von when address- 
ing a nobleman who has that title, but when 
you write to him you must give him his full 
credentials. 

A foreign bishop is always addressed as 
"My Lord" and a cardinal as "Your Emi- 
nence." 

The etiquette at a house where the Prince 
of Wales or a member of the royal family in 
England visits is rigorous, and on the Conti- 
nent, when royalty is present, it is even more 
severe. The prince is never addressed unless 
he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege 
of changing the subject of conversation, and 
all plans for the day's recreation are submitted 
to him. 

These observations are, of course, very 
general, but the average American to-day is at 
home in Europe. He should only remember 
the old adage to do in Rome as the Romans 
do, and he will not be much embarrassed by 
foreign customs and habits. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 



THE ENGAGED BACHELOR. 

The etiquette of engagements is simple. 
There are no rules as to how a man should ask 
a woman to be his wife. 

A man is not at liberty to announce his en- 
gagement until his fiancee gives him permission 
to do so. It is her family who have the right to 
know first of the existence of an engagement. 
Very few engagements are entered into so hur- 
riedly as not to be anticipated in a way by the 
members of the young woman's household. 
However, the first step to be taken is the an- 
nouncement by the fiancee to her mother, her 
father, or her proper guardian of the existing 
circumstances. Sometimes this is done in a 
most informal way by both parties. The day 
after the engagement has thus been announced 
it is good form for the man to have a private 
talk with the young woman's parents or 
guardian. In America we are supposed to 

12 169 



170 ®l)£ (Eotnplcte Bachelor. 



be above the discussion of marriage settle- 
ments. A man should never ask a woman to 
marry him unless he has the wherewithal to 
support her in the manner in which she has 
been accustomed to live. An inquiry into the 
state of the proposed son-in-law's finances is 
perfectly proper and should not be taken amiss. 
Engagements are announced to other members 
of the family than those of the household by 
informal notes when it is decided it should be 
made public. Relatives and intimate friends 
should be apprised of it before one's general 
acquaintances. In these days of " society 
news " the general announcement is frequently 
made through the medium of the newspapers. 
It can also be made verbally. 

During the engagement it is expected that 
a man's relatives and friends should pay the 
prospective bride as much attention as possi- 
ble. They should call on her and felicitate her 
as soon as they have been informed of the af- 
fair. A pretty compliment for a male member 
of the man's family or one of his intimates is 
to send flowers to the new fiancee. Engage- 
ments should never be announced unless the 
wedding day is fixed approximately. Avoid 
long engagements. 

The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, 



QL\)c (Engagcir Bachelor. 171 



but one with two smaller diamonds is appro- 
priate. This will depend upon the income of 
the swain. Rings with colored stones, how- 
ever, are not in vogue for engagements. 

During the engagement the betrothed couple 
should be seen as much as possible in each 
other's society. Neither should appear at large 
entertainments to which the other has not been 
asked. Little attentions are expected. A man 
should send from time to time, according to 
the state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or 
other tokens. A sensible girl will not approve 
of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A 
very acceptable token would be a bunch of 
violets or American beauty roses sent from a 
fashionable florist. 



CHAPTER XIX. 

THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING. 

When a bachelor marries the arrangement 
of the details of the ceremony and reception 
are left to the bride's family, and there is really 
very little about which to instruct him. Many 
men wish to know how these matters should 
be conducted, and a short review is here given 
under the penalty of its being not within the 
scope of the Complete Bachelor. 

Weddings in society are celebrated either at 
church or at the home of the bride. The church 
wedding is the most popular, and in large cities 
the most fashionable, as it admits of the pres- 
ence of a large number of people and lends 
much solemnity to the occasion. 

The fashionable hour for a wedding is from 
high noon — midday — until five o'clock. Even- 
ing weddings have within the past five years 
not been as much in vogue as formerly. 

The invitations are issued within a fortnight 

172 



®t)e Cacljelor's toebbing. 173 



of the ceremony. The formula is an announce- 
ment engraved on a sheet of heavy cream pa- 
per folded in two. It is issued in the name of 
the bride's parents or guardian, and it requests 
the pleasure of the guest's presence at the mar- 
riage of their daughter or ward at such a church 
or such a number, at such an hour of the day, 
month, and year. A separate card, inclosed, 
with the announcement and invitation to the 
church, states the hours of the reception. The 
invitations are very simple, engraved in plain 
English script, and the paper and cards are of 
a standard quality known to stationers for this 
purpose. The inner one is addressed only with 
the name of the person invited, the outer one 
has this and the street, the street number, and 
full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy 
stationery is vulgar. 

I herewith append some examples. The 
English invariably insist on the R. S. V. P., or 
"answer if you please," on even church invi- 
tations. This is not the regular New York 
custom. 

The reason for this is that in England those 
asked to the church are always expected also 
at the reception. Only the bridal party sit 
down to an elaborate breakfast, the other guests 
being given the very lightest of refreshments. 



i74 ®t)£ (Eontplete Uacfydor. 



American form : 

Mr. and Mrs. 

request your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter 

Katherine 
to 

Mr. 

Thursday, February the twenty-eighth, 
at twelve o'clock. 
Grace Church, 
Broadway and Tenth Street. 

Also: 

Mr. and Mrs. 

request the honor of your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter 

Annie 
to 

Mr. 

on (etc.). 

Mr. and Mrs. 

request your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter 

Myra Raymond 
to 

Mr. , 

Thursday, February the twenty-eighth, 
at twelve o'clock. 
Grace Church, 
Broadway and Tenth Street. 



®l]e Sacf)el0r 1 toebbing. 175 



Mr. and Mrs. 

request the honor of your presence 
at the marriage of their daughter 
Annie 
to 

Mr. — 

on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh, 
at half past eleven o'clock. 

St. Leo's Church, 
East Twenty-eighth Street. 

Please present this card at 

St. Leo's Church, 
November twenty-seventh. 

English form : 

Mr. and Mrs. 

request the pleasure of 

Lord and Lady 's 

company at 
St. Peter's, Eaton Square, 
on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock, 
on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter 

Margaret and , 

and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square. 

s. v. p. 

Admit bearer 
to 

St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square, 
on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock. 



176 ®l)e QTomplete Bachelor. 



If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is 
a widow and lives in her own house, the invi- 
tations to the church and the reception, or to 
either or both, would read simply, " The pleas- 
ure of your company is requested at the wed- 
ding/' etc., with a separate card bearing the 
word reception and stating the hour and ad- 
dress. 

Should there be no guests at the wedding, 
and should it be conducted very quietly or pri- 
vately, it is necessary that announcement cards 
be sent out after the event has taken place. 
These are issued in the name of the bride's 
parent, parents, or guardian, who simply an- 
nounce "the marriage of their daughter [or 
ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith Walcott, 
Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hun- 
dred and ninety-six." In the left-hand corner 
is placed the address of those sending out the 
cards. A card is also inclosed with the names 
of the newly married couple, their address, and 
their reception day. Should there be neither 
parents nor guardians, the parties to the con- 
tract can announce it themselves with one card 
thus: " Mr. William Benham Thorne and Miss 
Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, Novem- 
ber the seventh, eighteen hundred and — — , 
New York." Another card can also be in- 



®l)e Bachelors fcOebiring. 177 



closed, on which is the new address of the 
married couple, as well as their day at home. 
If it is a church wedding, and there are neither 
guardians nor parents, you can use the form, 
" You are invited to be present at the wedding 

of etc. 

A too rigid economy should not be observed 
in the sending of wedding invitations, and the 
prospective bridegroom should see that this is 
carried out. In case there are several members 
of a family, it is good form to inclose an invi- 
tation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon 
Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith 
making three smaller envelopes inclosed in the 
larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon 
Smith. 

As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, 
your pasteboard should be left at the house of 
those in whose name the invitations are issued, 
even if you are asked only to the church. If 
to the reception, you owe two visits of " di- 
gestion '' — one to the bride's parents and one 
to the happy pair. 

All the expenses pertaining to a wedding 
are borne by the bride's parents. The bride- 
groom, however, pays the clergyman's fee 
and provides his own carriage, cab, or 
hansom from his rooms to the church. This 



178 2tl)e ffiontplete ©arijekrr. 



vehicle is also sent to the house of the best 
man. 

All expenses after the marriage are, of course, 
defrayed by the bridegroom. It has been strict 
etiquette for the bride and bridegroom not to 
use the family carriage, which usually takes 
them from the church, to fetch them to the 
railroad station, but one provided by the bride- 
groom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy 
for the bride's parents to offer this for the oc- 
casion. 

The bridegroom should, as soon as the wed- 
ding day is appointed, choose his best man 
and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his near- 
est unmarried male relative or his most inti- 
mate bachelor friend to serve in the capacity of 
best man. More recently a number of very 
fashionable New Yorkers have had married 
men take that position, and thus the innova- 
tion has sanction through the action of the 
" smart set." A married best man is said to 
be an English fad, but I find that it could be 
more correctly termed an Anglo-Indian mode, 
as this new idea is much more popular in Cal- 
cutta and Bombay than in London. 

In the selection of ushers, a man asks usu- 
ally some few of his intimates or club friends, 
and through courtesy to his prospective bride 



®l)e ©acfjcJor's {Debiting. 179 



a male member of her family, frequently her 
brother. Six ushers are the usual number, al- 
though four are quite sufficient. Some few 
men have been known to dispense with the 
services of the best man and have only ushers, 
but this is not exactly correct at a fashionable 
church wedding. The ushers can be very eas- 
ily omitted if the ceremony is to take place at 
the house. 

The bridegroom presents his best man and 
his ushers with their ties, their gloves, and tie 
pin, which is a souvenir of the occasion, as 
well as their boutonnieres, or "buttonholes," to 
accept the last English expression, to be worn 
at the ceremony. 

The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to 
the best man and the ushers at the farewell 
bachelor dinner; the boutonnieres are ordered at 
the florist's and sent to them on the morning 
of the wedding. Lilies of the valley are the 
favorite wedding flowers, but the floral ar- 
rangements are regulated by the bride's family, 
who possibly have a certain color or flower 
scheme for the church decorations, and the 
"buttonholes" must be in keeping. 

The bridegroom generally provides hansoms 
or coupes 'to drive his ushers to the church from 
their respective residences. As the bride's fam- 



180 ®l)e QTomplete Bachelor. 



ily provides the carriages for the cortege, these 
other vehicles may be dismissed at the church. 

The bridegroom himself drives to the church 
in a hansom with his best man. 

If it is a house wedding these carriages need 
not be provided. In this country the bride- 
groom does not give the bridesmaids any token 
or present. In England he presents them with 
brooches or bracelets. In New York the bride 
presents her maid of honor and bridesmaids 
with souvenirs in the shape of lace pins, 
brooches, or bracelets. 

The bridegroom always gives to his bride a 
handsome wedding present, which is to be 
worn or carried on the happy day. It may be 
a diamond tiara, it may be a diamond star, it 
may be jewels of any kind which he can ascer- 
tain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a 
prayer book. The bridegroom does not provide 
any part of the bride's costume. 

If the bride should carry flowers instead of 
a prayer book, this special bouquet is the gift of 
the bridegroom, but the flowers for the brides- 
maids are provided by the bride. 

The expenses of the wedding notices in the 
newspapers and the fee to the clergyman are 
paid by the bridegroom through the agency of 
the best man. 



(£l)e Bachelor's {Debiting. 181 



The wedding ring is of bright burnished 
gold, perfectly plain. The date of the wedding 
and the initials of the happy pair should be en- 
graved on the inside. The ring is confided to 
the best man, who produces it at the proper 
time during the ceremony. 

It is customary for a prospective bridegroom 
to purchase or, rather, to have a wedding out- 
fit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind 
are not in good taste, and anything which sug- 
gests the occasion is certainly vulgar. Beyond 
the clothes for the ceremony, there should be a 
general overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, 
undervests, underclothes, handkerchiefs, and 
such articles must, if any of them are needed 
or have fallen into decay, be supplied or re- 
newed. All this is a matter of taste. 

The bachelor farewell dinner is now a rec- 
ognized institution. Perhaps next to the cere- 
mony itself, it is regarded as the most impor- 
tant social function of the wedding week. 

If you are a member of a club, your farewell 
dinner should be given there in one of the pri- 
vate dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly 
correct to have it at a well-known restaurant 
or hotel, in, of course, a private dining room. 
You may have it at your own house, and, should 
your parents be living and you reside with 



182 ($L\)c Complete Bachelor. 



them, it can be given at home. The club, 
however, is really first choice. Sometimes the 
strictly bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and 
in its stead a dinner is given to the entire bridal 
party by the family of the bride. This does 
away with the presumed selfishness of the 
"stag" dinner, and the possible excuse for 
some one or more of the guests to become ex- 
hilarated — a finale, I am grieved to say, that has 
happened on more than one occasion. 

At the stag dinner you should have your 
best man, your ushers, and several of your 
friends. You can invite a married man or so, 
especially if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is 
expected that some one or more of your bride's 
relatives will be included. Twelve is a good 
number, but, of course, never thirteen, because 
women are generally superstitious, and should 
this become known to your future one it might 
cause her great mental anxiety. 

The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be 
given to the best man and ushers are placed in 
white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and put 
in the outer room to be handed to each man as 
he bids adieu. Perhaps it might be more pru- 
dent to place them at the covers, but it would 
hardly be good form, as there would be in that 
case several of the guests without favors. And, 



®l)e Bachelor 1 s tocbiring. 183 



besides, a dinner with favors is not permissible 
in these days. 

Boutonnieres of lilies of the valley should be 
also placed at each cover. The menu cards 
should be simple but tasteful. Elaborate menus 
are not now in the best form. In fact, with a 
bachelor dinner, as with all functions of this 
kind, elegant simplicity should be the pre- 
dominating characteristic; cut glass and silver 
are all that is required. In the center of the 
table a basket, or, better, a silver jardiniere of 
roses, is the only floral decoration. During the 
course of the dinner these flowers are removed 
and are sent to the bride-elect. It is some- 
times the custom — and a very pretty one — for 
each guest to note a sentiment on a menu card 
or simply his own name, and have that sent 
also with the flowers. 

The dinner itself can, but need not be very 
elaborate. I do not like a dinner of many 
courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whis- 
ky and caviare sandwiches in the anteroom be- 
fore dinner, and also to have cigars and ciga- 
rettes galore there as well as at table, although 
it is not permissible to smoke before the cheese 
is served. I would recommend raw oysters, a 
clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber — ■ 
an attractive entree] a fillet with vegetables, 



1 84 ®l)e (Complete Bachelor. 



canvas-back duck, cheese and salad, coffee, 
and fruit. 

The Ceremony. 

On the morning of the wedding the bride- 
groom is called for in the hansom or cab which 
has been ordered for himself and the best man. 
The best man calls for him and takes him to 
the church. They should time their move- 
ments so as to arrive at least five minutes be- 
fore the hour appointed for the ceremony. 
The same precaution should be observed if it 
is a house wedding. 

At day weddings afternoon dress is de 
rigueur for bridegroom, best man, ushers, and 
all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, 
and ushers should be dressed alike in frock 
coats and waistcoats to match, trousers of dark 
gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede 
gloves, white or pearl-colored scarfs, and top 
hats. 

The English have allowed some latitude, 
and wear gray frock coats and even colored 
shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue 
in America. Evening weddings require formal 
evening dress. A wedding at dusk in winter, 
where the bride wears traveling costume, calls 
for afternoon dress on the part of the bride- 
groom. 



®t)e Bachelor's CDcbbing. 185 



The bridegroom and best man alight at the 
vestry. They remain in the back of the chan- 
cel until the first notes of the wedding march 
notify them of the presence of the bride. The 
best man must see before the ceremony that 
the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, 
is sent to the entrance of the church to be 
handed to the respective owners on their exit. 

When the bride, on the arm of her father 
or guardian, approaches the altar, the bride- 
groom and best man walk out from the vestry, 
either together or the best man in advance. 
In the latter case the best man steps back at 
the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to 
pass before him. The bridegroom stands on 
the right-hand side of the altar or reading desk 
and the best man on his right. The bride is 
on the bridegroom's left, and her father or 
guardian a little behind her on her left. 

To avoid confusion, the ceremony is gen- 
erally rehearsed an evening or two before. 
Much depends on the liturgy of the communion 
to which the couple belong. The best man 
has charge of the ring, and must produce it 
and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is 
demanded. 

At the conclusion of the ceremony the best 
man precedes the bride and bridegroom in the 
13 



186 ®L\\z (Homplete Bacljekrr. 



procession, escorting the maid of honor, un- 
less the cortege has been differently arranged. 
In that case, he makes his way either through 
the vestry or down one of the aisles to the 
church door, where he superintends the filing 
away of the bridal carriages and party. At the 
reception he goes in to breakfast with the maid 
of honor, or with a near relative of the bride's 
family. He may use the bridegroom's hansom 
from the church to the house, or he may go 
with one of the family. There is no rule for 
this. The bride and bridegroom use the bride's 
carriage. 

The best man is intrusted also with the 
paying of the clergyman. The bridegroom 
will give him a check for this purpose. As 
already stated, he also inserts the marriage 
notices in the newspapers, the funds for which 
are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays 
his own personal expenses. 

The ushers meet in the church about an 
hour before the ceremony. The bridegroom 
generally puts carriages at their disposal, but 
that is not in the least obligatory. They can 
take hansoms or cabs, or for that matter go to 
the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ush- 
ers stand at the foot of the nave or aisle and 
busy themselves escorting guests to seats. 



®be Bachelor's lUcbbing. 187 



An usher offers his right arm* to the lady he 
escorts up the aisle. Even if a lady should be 
accompanied by her husband or escort, the 
usher should offer her his arm, and the other 
man walks up behind them. If an usher 
should not have had the formality of an intro- 
duction to the lady he is showing to a seat, a 
bow and a smile when leaving her is all that 
is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the 
family, knows those who ought to go beyond 
the ribbon and those who are not relatives or 
family connections. The bride s brothers, if 
they are ushers, take care of the members of 
their family, and the intimate friends of the 
bridegroom of his relations. The relatives of 
the bride are placed in the front pews beyond 
the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar, 
and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. 
At the arrival of the bridal party the ushers get 
together and form in the back of the church 
for the procession up the aisle or nave. Their 
meeting thus is the cue for the sexton, who 
signals the organist, and the march is started. 
The ushers advance up the aisle, two by two, 
until they reach the chancel, where they divide 
on the right and on the left, allowing the 
bridesmaids to pass before them, standing in a 
semicircle around the altar rails. If it is a Ro- 



188 ®l)e QTomplete Saclielor. 



man Catholic wedding they genuflect as they 
reach the chancel. They file down the aisle 
in the same order, heading the bridal proces- 
sion. At the carriage way they assist the 
bridesmaids in their carriages, and by previous 
arrangement they are allotted to certain car- 
riages escorting the bridesmaids. 

At the reception the bride and bridegroom 
take their places under a wedding bell of 
flowers or in the front drawing room between 
the two front windows, or, again, in the back 
drawing room. The house is decorated with 
palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foli- 
age. Pink and white orchids, ferns, and chrys- 
anthemums make very effective decorations. 
The mother of the bride, or nearest female 
relative, stands at the door of the drawing room 
and greets the guests. The ushers and brides- 
maids are scattered about the room. If there 
is only a reception, then the guests, after ex- 
changing greetings with the lady of the house, 
pass on and shake hands with and congratu- 
late the bridegroom and wish the bride joy. 
Unless you are an intimate friend, do not at- 
tempt any set speech. The bride will say, if 
she has not seen you for a short time before 
the wedding, " I must thank you, Mr. Smith, 
for your beautiful present," or something of 



QLl)c Bachelors tDebiring. 189 



that kind. If you do not know the bridegroom 
she will present you to him. If you are a 
friend of the bridegroom he will present you 
to the bride, and should say, if such is the 
case, " Evangeline," or " May," or " Margaret," 
or otherwise; or " My dear, let me present to 
you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remem- 
ber, is one of my best friends." And if Mrs. 

has any tact she will at once reply, "I 

am so pleased to meet any of my husband's 
old friends, and I must thank you, Mr. Smith, 
for the beautiful bonbon dishes. They were 
just what I wanted," or words to that effect. 
Then pass on. Refreshments are served at a 
wedding reception from a buffet in the dining 
room. If you enter with a lady, ask her what 
she would like, and get it for her. Then take 
your own choice of refreshment, and stand or 
sit by her as the accommodations of the room 
will permit. A half hour at a wedding recep- 
tion is sufficient. It is not good form to bid 
good-by to the bride and bridegroom, but only 
to the lady of the house. 

If there is no chaperon — for instance, if the 
bride be a widow or divorcee and is in her 
own home — then you must bid her good-by, 
but in such cases large receptions are not given. 

There is always a breakfast or luncheon set 



i9° ®f)e Complete Bachelor. 



for the bridal party, at which the bride, escorted 
by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's 
father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the 
ushers and bridesmaids and relatives follow. In 
this country we have no special law of prece- 
dence, and these bridal luncheons are more or 
less informal. There are no toasts. 

After breakfast the valet, should there be 
one, must be ready with the bridegroom's va- 
lise, when his master retires to put on a tweed 
suit for traveling; otherwise it can be laid out 
by one of the servants. With the coachman 
on the box and amid the usual shower of rice 
and slippers, as also the fusillade of a battery of 
eyes from neighbors' windows, and perhaps a 
crowd of street urchins and admiring servants, 
the happy couple start out on their wedding 
journey. I think it is better taste to wait until 
dark, almost, so as to avoid all this unseemly 
publicity, and I am averse to having the coach- 
man and horses decked with white ribbons; 
but, of course, one does not marry every day in 
the year, and these little eccentricities are par- 
donable on such — shall I say? — an ' ' auspi- 
cious " occasion. 

At a home wedding, as has been said above, 
ushers are not necessary. The same ceremo- 
nial is observed as at church, but due allow- 



®l)e Bachelors flOcbbing. 191 



ance must be made for crowded quarters. 
Usually very few are asked to the ceremony, 
but many to the reception afterward. As soon 
as the ceremony is over congratulations are in 
order, the newly married couple standing un- 
der the bell of flowers where they were mar- 
ried, and receiving the good wishes of their 
friends. 

If a man marries abroad there are many an- 
noying bits of red tape to be considered. In 
London you are obliged to have a legal resi- 
dence in the parish where the ceremony is to be 
performed. In Paris a civil marriage before the 
mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates 
of baptism must be filed with him, and you 
must give proof of the legal consent of both 
your parents as well as those of the bride. The 
religious ceremony takes place twenty-four 
hours after the civil. It is strict etiquette that 
the contracting parties do not see each other 
during this interim. 

The order of the wedding procession in 
France and on the Continent differs vastly 
from that in England and America. There are 
neither ushers nor a best man. If there are 
bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany them. 
The bride enters on the arm of her father pre- 
ceded by the attendants, and the bridegroom 



192 ®t)£ QTontpkte Bachelor. 



follows, escorting his future mother-in-law. 
A long procession of relatives brings up the 
rear. The men, no matter at what time of 
the day the ceremony might take place — and 
evening weddings are unknown — are in for- 
mal evening dress. 

Under the French law also no widow or 
divorcee can remarry until ten months have 
elapsed since the dissolution of the previous 
contract. This should not be forgotten by 
bachelors contemplating matrimony with 
either one of these classes of eligibles. In 
Germany there are further complications, and 
I would advise all citizens of the United States 
contemplating matrimony there to consult the 
consul or minister at the legation. 



CHAPTER XX. 



FUNERALS. 

When a death occurs in the house all mat- 
ters should at once be placed in charge of a 
relative or a friend of the family. The family 
itself should be kept away from every one as 
much as possible, and none of the sad details 
left to them. They should not be seen until 
the day of the funeral. Front windows should 
be shut, blinds and shades pulled down, and 
the outer or storm door of the house closed. 
A servant is stationed in the hall near the door, 
as on reception days, to receive the cards of 
persons calling. All acquaintances who have 
been entertained at the house leave cards in 
person, others may mail them. Only intimate 
friends of the family are admitted to the house. 

Should you send flowers, do not purchase 
or order any set designs. They are hideous — 
remind one of the tenement funerals, and are 
strikingly inappropriate. A bunch of white 

193 



i94 ®l]e Cffontplete Sacljdor. 



roses or of violets is a beautiful offering for 
a young woman, or two palms crossed, with 
violets or lilies of the valley attached, for 
a man or an elderly person. These should be 
accompanied by your card. If you have been 
an intimate friend, a few words written — a 
short note of condolence — would not be amiss. 
To all of these notes, and in acknowledgment 
of these offerings, one of the family nearest the 
deceased in relationship should respond by 
sending their card with the words, ' 'Thank 
you for your kind sympathy," or something of 
that sort, written upon it. 

As a rule, when the deceased is a young 
man who belongs to several clubs or who has 
a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have 
the funeral from a church. Pallbearers are 
chosen from among his intimate friends; a 
relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not cus- 
tomary for any except the nearest relatives to 
go to the cemetery. Ladies of the family do 
not accompany the remains to the cemetery, 
and they frequently do not attend the funeral 
services at the church if the deceased is a man. 

If the funeral services are held at the house 
the relatives and intimate friends are invited 
into the back parlor, dining room, or upstairs, 
and make their appearance only when the 



-funerals. 



i95 



services begin. The undertaker attends to 
seating people, arranging the rooms, etc. 

There is only one proper dress for a man to 
wear at a funeral. It should consist of black 
frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and gloves 
(gray or dark tan, but not black, unless you 
are a relative), and top hat. Should you be a 
relative or a pallbearer, wear a black weed on 
your hat. 

As to periods of mourning, there seems to 
be some little difference of opinion in New 
York. Ward McAllister treated the subject 
in quite an exhaustive manner, advocating 
short mourning terms even for the nearest 
relatives. For a wife eighteen months is con- 
sidered the proper thing; for a parent, twelve 
to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for 
a brother or a sister, one year; and for a grand- 
parent, six months. A maternal or paternal 
uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months 
or less, according to the intimacy which has 
existed between the families. Seclusion from 
society is generally consonant with mourning 
for near relatives. However, people now go 
to the theater and small dinners and teas after 
nine months of mourning for the very nearest 
relatives. 

It is not necessary for a man to shroud him- 



19 6 ®l)e GTomplete Bachelor. 



self in black. A silk hat with a crape band 
nearly to the top should be worn by widowers 
during the first year of their widowerhood; 
but black shirt studs, black sleeve buttons, 
handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the 
other abominations in which the grief-stricken 
Frenchman arrays himself are not tolerated in 
this country. In deep mourning one can wear 
black ties and black gloves, but a white linen 
tie in summer is permissible. I do not advo- 
cate the use of black scarf pins. A black band 
on the sleeve of a gray suit is also another 
affectation which should be avoided. Cards 
should be left after a funeral. 

There is no code of etiquette established as 
yet for divorce. Second marriages should be 
as quiet as possible. This advice is given to 
bachelors who are contemplating matrimony 
with divorcees. 

General Advice for Unclassified Occasions. 

If you are chosen godfather, you are ex- 
pected to send a silver mug to your godchild. 
Christening parties are held about four in the 
afternoon. Afternoon dress is required. 

When giving a dinner or any entertainment 
at a certain well-known New York restaurant 



£nntxalB. 



197 



do not refer to it as "Del's." This is an ear- 
mark of vulgarity. 

When speaking of the city of New York do 
not refer to it as " Gotham." This shows the 
worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar spirit. 

Even should your friends be among the 
most exclusive and fashionable in any place, 
they are never "swells," nor do they belong 
to the " Four Hundred." The latter term was 
once used by a gentleman to designate the 
probable list of people who were to entertain 
in New York that season, and has no bearing- 
whatever upon the question of social limit. 

If you send flowers never have them ar- 
ranged in set designs. Fair voyagers will thank 
you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or 
books, as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains 
are nuisances. Books, sweets, and flowers are 
the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a 
woman accept from him. 

The terms "lady" and " gentleman " are 
distinctive. Your friends and acquaintances 
are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. 
To distinguish them as such implies a doubt. 
Should you call at a house you ask if the 
" ladies " are in, so as to distinguish them from 
the other females in the household. You also 
toast the "ladies." In referring to the gentler 



198 ®I}£ QTomplcte Bachelor. 



sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them 
a " women." You would say, ''She is a 
clever woman," not a " clever lady." The 
person who speaks of "a lady or a gentleman 
friend " has a defined social position — on the 
Bowery. 

Avoid slang, especially that of the music 
halls or the comic (?) newspapers. You can 
well afford not to be " up to date." 

In greeting a person say " Good morning," 
"Good afternoon," or "Good evening," but 
refrain from such inane phrases as " Delighted, 
I'm sure." On introduction or presentation, it 
is sufficient to say "I am delighted to meet 
you." Avoid also the " How d'y do ? " " How 
are you ? " " Very well, I thank you." All this 
is idiotic. 

Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but 
not in public. 

Gentlefolk have "friends" stopping with 
them, never "company." Servants have and 
keep " company. 

When you refer to wine it means any kind 
of vintage, and not necessarily champagne. 
Therefore beware of the ' ' gentleman who opens 
wine," or the one who gives a " wine party,'' 
whatever that may mean. We speak of a din- 
ner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the 



fnncxals. 



i 99 



play, no matter where the location of the places 
may be, is never a "box party." 

Do not be a professed jester nor yet a pun- 
ster. The clowns of society are not enviable 
beings. 

When speaking of a fashionable woman do 
not refer to her as a "society woman." That 
would imply that she belongs to various socie- 
ties or guilds, which is not probably the im- 
pression you desire to convey. 

When a person has a predilection for the 
use of the word ' ' elegant, " and especially when 
it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good, 
charming, or delightful, you are quite just in 
your estimation of his or her vulgarity. 

Answers to questions should be given in 
the direct affirmative or the direct negative. 
"All right" is not, to say the least, civil, and 
is ill-bred. 

Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless 
"by special request," in the public parlors of 
hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of 
general gathering. The persons who sing and 
play the piano and make themselves bores are 
as reprehensible as the window opening and 
shutting fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud- 
voiced and constant complaining, all of whom 
are most obnoxious. 



2oo ®1)£ (Complete Bachelor. 



Under great provocation the expletive 
"damn" is tolerated by society, but it should 
be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The 
man who swears is certainly beyond the pale, 
and the one who uses silly and senseless ex- 
clamations is not far away from him. One of 
the marks of a gentleman is his complete mas- 
tery of himself under the most trying and ag- 
gravating circumstances. 

These are but few of the many "don'ts" 
which it seems necessary to repeat in works 
of this kind. For a more extended catalogue 
of social and grammatical sins, the reader is 
referred to that excellent book The Verbalist, 
by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little brochure 
Don't. A careful study of these will assist 
him much in reviewing elementary questions, 
the knowledge of which was taken for granted 
by the author of the Complete Bachelor. 



INDEX. 



Acceptance, invitations, 46- 
48. 

Admission to clubs, rules for, 
127-129. 

Admission, visitors to clubs, 
131, 132. 

Advice, general, for unclassi- 
fied occasions, 195, 196. 

Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 
43-45- 

Afternoon dress, when worn, 

12, 13. 
Afternoon tea, 45. 
Afternoon wedding, 184, 185. 
Aisle, church and theater, 

going up, 5. 
Almonds, salted, 69. 
Alpine hats, 28. 
Amateur accomplishments, 

199. 

Announcement cards, 176. 
Announcement, engagement, 
method of, 169. 
14 



Answers, Assembly and Pa- 
triarchs, 48. 
Answers, ball invitations, 

48. 

Answers, 
tions, 1 
Answers, 



committee invita- 



dinner invitations, 



Answers, form of, 46-48. 
Answers, general, 48. 
Artichokes, method of eating, 
70. 

Asparagus, method of eating, 
70. 

Assembly balls, etiquette of, 
48, 1 05- 1 10. 

Bachelor. — For all functions 
with this title, see various 
heads of chapters. 

Bachelor's farewell dinner, 
181-184. 

Badminton, 148. 



201 



202 2Cl)e (Eotttplete Bachelor. 



Bag, shoe, 30. 

Bag, traveling, what to take 

on a visit from Friday to 

Monday, 91-93. 
Bag, traveling, voyage long, 

160, 161. 
Ball, Assembly, 1 05-1 10. 
Ball, Charity, 103. 
Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 

102-1 10. 
Ball, Inauguration, 104. 
Ball, public, 48, 103, 104. 
Ball, supper at, no, 1 1 1. 
Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18. 
Bathing, 156. 
Bath, Turkish, 22. 
Beard, care of, 19. 
Best man, dress for, 184. 
Best man, etiquette for, 180- 

182, 184-187. 
Bicycling, 144, 145. 
Billiards, 157, 158. 
Boating, 156. 
Bolting food, 62. 
Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37. 
Boots, care of, 28-30. 
Boots, riding, 142. 
Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 

155. 

Bowing, etiquette of, 2-6, 
9- 

Bowling, 147. 
Bridegroom, 178-180. 



Bridegroom, dress of, 184. 
Bridegroom, expenses of, 1 77, 
178. 

Bridegroom, presents to bride 
and wedding party, 179, 
180. 

Brushes, 19-26, 28-31. 
Brushes, clothes, 25, 26, 28- 

Brushes, hair, 19, 22. 
Brushes, hat, 28. 
Brushes, nail, 22. 
Brushes, tooth, 20. 
Butler, duties of, 100. 
Butter, when served, 66. 

Cabs, London and Paris, 164, 
165. 

Cabs, ushers and best men, 

184, 186. 
Calls, afternoon, 43-46. 
Calls, balls and dances, 45. 
Calls, condolence, 45, 193. 
Calls, dinner, 45. 
Calls, evening, 43, 46. 
Calls, general etiquette of, 

43-46, 106, 193. 
Calls, opera and theater, 45, 

46. 

Calls, period in which to be 

made, 45. 
Card cases, 50. 
Card parties, 55. 



203 



Cards, announcement, 176, 
'77- 

Cards, condolence, 50, 195. 
Cards, etiquette of leaving, 
5*i 53- 

Cards, etiquette of playing, 
159. 

Cards, etiquette of visiting, 

49-53, 106, 193. 
Cards, how many to leave, 

Cards, leaving in person, 50, 
5«- 

Cards, mailing, 50. 
Cards, wedding, 174-176. 
Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 
139. 

Cars, etiquette in street, 4, 

8, 9. 
Carving, 65. 

Ceremony, wedding, 184, 

.85. 

Chafed faces, how to prevent, 
19- 

Chafing-dish suppers, 78. 
Chains, watch, 16. 
Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81. 
Changing clothes, 23, 24. 
Chaperones, 76, 79, 82, 87, 
109. 

Cheating at games, 154. 
Christening, etiquette of, 196. 
Church, aisles, going up, 5. 



Church, ceremony at wed- 
dings, 184, 185. 
Churches, foreign, 166. 
Claret, 71. 

Cleaning clothes, 31. 

Clergy, addressing, manner 
of, 122, 168. 

Closets, clothes put in, 26. 

Clothes, care of, 24-3 1 . 

Clothes, cost of, 32-42. 

Clothes, folding and brush- 
ing, 24-31. 

Clothes, overhauling, 30. 

Clothes, packing and putting 
away, 30, 3^9^93- 

Clothes, removing and chang- 
ing, 23-27. 

Clothes, removing grease 
stains from, 3 1 . 

Clowns of society, 199. 

Club, admission of visitors, 
131, 132. 

Club, admission to, 128-130. 

Club, bowing from, window, 
134. 

Club, elections to member- 
ship, 128-130. 
Clubs, etiquette of, 126- 

.56. 

Club, pipe smoking at, 133. 
Club servants, 134. 
Club, treating at, 134. 
Club, wearing hat at, 133. 



204 f&t)c (Complete Bachelor. 



Club, where ladies are ad- 
mitted, 135. 

Coaching, 143, 144. 

Coaching, dress for, 144. 

Coachman, dress of and liv- 
ery, 98. 

Coachman, duties of, 98. 

Coat of arms, 121. 

Coats, care, folding, and 
keeping of, 24-26. 

Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38. 

Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 1 5, 
35. 

Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost 
of, 35. 

Coats, dress or evening, when 
to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 
186. 

Coats, frock, cost of, 38. 
Coats, frock, when to wear, 

12, 13, 186, 187, 195. 
Coats, frock, colored, 13. 
Coats, lounge or sack, 10- 

12. 

Coffee, black, when served, 
73- 

" Company," 198. 
Condolence, letters of, 125. 
Congratulation, letters of, 
125. 

Corn, eating on cob, 72. 
Correspondence, etiquette of 
business, 120-123. 



Correspondence, etiquette of 
friendly, 1 19-12 1, 124. 

Cotillon, etiquette of, 112- 
118. 

Cotillon, figures of, 1 16-1 18. 
Cotillon, form of, 1 12-1 15. 
Cotillon, leading a, 1 13-1 15. 
Country house, entertaining 

by bachelor, 86-89. 
Country house, etiquette at, 

85-93. 

Country house, furnishing of, 

88. 

Country house, tipping serv- 
ants at, 90. 

Country house, visits at, 88- 
90. 

Crests, use of, 121. 
Crossing legs in public, 8. 
Crossing streets, 1,2. 
Cucumbers, how served and 

eaten, 69. 
Customhouse, French and 

English, 166, 167. 

" Damn," when it may be 

excused, 200. 
Dance card, not used in New 

York, 108. 
Dance, etiquette of, 102- 

118. 

Dance, forms of, 109, 114- 
118. 



205 



Dance, manner of asking to, 
1 08. 

Dances, bachelor, 82. 
Dances, dinner, 60. 
Dances, invitations to, 48. 
" Del's," 197. 
Diamonds, 16. 

Dinner, bachelor farewell, 
161, 162. 

Dinner, bachelor host at 
home, 77, 78. 

Dinner, bachelor host at res- 
taurant, 83. 

Dinner coat, when worn, 15. 

Dinner dance,. 60. 

Dinner, general etiquette of, 

46, 47, 54-74, 77, 7®, 82, 

83, 161, 162. 
Dinner, serving at, 78, 100. 
Don'ts of table etiquette, 62- 

65. 

Dress, afternoon, 13. 

Dress, afternoon wedding, 

'70, 185, 187. 
Dress, bachelor's, for all 

times, 13-16. 
Dress, badminton, 148. 
Dress, bathing, 156. 
Dress, boating, 156. 
Dress, bowling, 157. 
Dress, butler, 10 1. 
Dress, coaching, 138. 
Dress, coachman, 98. 



Dress, driving and coaching, 
138. 

Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 
56, 156, 164, 166, 167. 

Dress, evening, formal, 13, 
14. 

Dress, evening, informal, 15. 
Dress, evening wedding, 187. 
Dress, foreign, morning and 

evening functions, 164, 

166, 167. 
Dress, funeral, 195. 
Dress, golf, 154. 
Dress, groom, 96, 97. 
Dress, morning or lounge, 

11, 12. 
Dress, polo, 148. 
Dress, riding, 142. 
Dress, riding to hounds, 142. 
Dress, shipboard, 161, 162. 
Dress, shooting, 146. 
Dress, skating, 148. 
Dress, tennis, 156. 
Dress, theaters, London and 

Paris, 166. 
Dress, traveling, 160. 
Dress, valet, 99, 100. 
Dress, wheeling, 145. 
Dress, yachting, 149, 152. 
Drinking with mouth full, 63. 

Eggs, eaten from shell, 66. 
Elevator, etiquette of, 5. 



2o6 Complete Bachelor. 



Engagements, announce- 
ment, 169, 170. 

Engagements, etiquette of, 
169, 171. 

Engagements, presents dur- 
ing, 171. 

Engagement ring, 1 70. 

Entrees, manner of serving, 

69. 

Envelopes and stationery, 
proper form of, 120, 122, 
123. 

Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123. 
Escorts, 5, 9. 
Esquire, when used, 121. 
Expenses, wedding, who 

pays, 177. 
Eye, bath for, 19. 

Fares, paying, 9. 

Fees, foreign countries, 163- 

.6 5 . 

Feet, care of, 21. 
Fish, manner of eating, 69. 
Flask, brandy, 161. 
Flowers, sending, 171, 194, 
198. 

Foreign etiquette, 162, 164. 
Foreign marriages, 191, 192. 
u Four hundred," 197. 
French titles, 168. 
Frock coats, 12, 13, 38, 184, 
195. 



Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 
72. 

Gifts, when engaged, 171. 
Golf, dress for, 155. 
Golf, etiquette of, 153, 154. 
Gotham, 197. 
Grace at meals, 58. 
Grape fruit, 67. 
Grease, removal of, 31. 
Greetings, 198. 
Groom, dress of, 96, 97. 
Groom, duties of, 96-98. 

Hairbrushes, 22. 
Hair, care of, 21. 
Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 
27. 

Hands, care of, 20. 

Hands on table, 64. 

Hat, care of, 28. 

Hat, Derby, when worn, 11. 

Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, 

when worn, 1 1. 
Hat, opera or crush, 13. 
Hat, straw, 15. 
Hat, top or silk, 13, 14. 
Hoisting colors, 150, 151. 
Hounds, riding to, 142. 

Introducing men to women, 
41. 

Introduction, letters of, 45. 



207 



Introductions, etiquette of, 

41, 42. 
Introductions, formal, 41. 
Introductions, general, 41. 
Introductions in street not 

good form, 42. 
Introductions, when and 

when not made, 41, 42. 
Invitation, ball, 48, 103. 
Invitation, dance, 48. 
Invitation, dinner, 46, 47. 
Invitation, luncheon, 54, 76. 
Invitation, wedding, 1 72- 

176. 

Invitations, various forms of, 

54, 16, 172-176. 
Inauguration Ball, 104. 

Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 

15, 34, 35- 
Jewelry, use of, 16. 

Ladies annex to clubs, 135. 
" Lady and gentleman," 

when used, 198. 
Lancers, 109. 
Legs, crossing, 8. 
Letters, a bachelor's, 119- 

126. 

Letters, addressing, 121-123. 
Letters, business, 122, 124. 
Letters, condolence, 125. 
Letters, congratulation, 125. 



Letters, club, paper written 
on, 124. 

Letters, destroying old, 120. 

Letters, friendly, 122. 

Letters, hotel or business pa- 
per, written on, 124. 

Letters of introduction, 45. 

Letters, sealing, 123. 

Letters, stamping, 123. 

Lifting hat, occasions for, 
2-7. 

Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 
5. 

Liqueurs, 73. 

London, cab and hotel fees, 

165, 166. 
London, general traveling 

etiquette, 165,-166. 
Luncheon dishes, 66. 
Luncheons, 54-56, 66, 74, 

76, 77. 

Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77. 
Lunch, quick, 64. 

Macaroni, 72. 
Mailing cards, 51. 
Manners, code of table, 64- 
73- 

Marriage announcements, 
1 76. 

Marriage ceremony, 1 78. 
Marriages, formalities at for- 
eign, 192. 



2o8 gtlje Cttotnplete Bachelor. 



Men servants, 94-101. 
Menus, 67, 77, 78, 81, m, 
183. 

Ministers fees, by whom paid, 
186. 

Morning bath, 1 7. 
Morning or lounge suit, 1 1 , 
12. 

"Mr." and " Esq.," when to 

use, 121. 
Mushrooms, how to eat, 70. 

Nailbrushes, 20. 
Nails, 20. 

Napkin, proper use of, 63. 
Nervous people at table, 63. 
Nobility, addressing, 167, 
168. 

Omnibus, Paris and London, 
166. 

Olives, how to eat, 69. 
Opera or crush hat, 14, 
39- 

Opera or theater calls, 45. 
Opera, visits between the 

acts, 80. 
Overcoats, 14-16, 25. 
Overcoats, Chesterfield and 

covert, 14-16. 
Overhauling clothes, 30. 
Oysters, 68. 
Oyster cocktails, 68. 



Paper, note, correct kind, 
120. 

Paris cabs, 165. 

Paris, etiquette for strangers, 

164-166. 
Paris theaters, 166. 
Park suits, 13. 
Patriarchs' Ball, 1 05-1 11. 
Picnics, 85-87. 
Pipe smoking, 7, 133. 
Pope, audience with, 166. 
Pourboires, 165. 
Programme at London thea- 
ters, 164. 

Queen, how to address, 166. 
Quick lunch, 62. 

Radishes, when served, 67. 
Reception, wedding, 188. 
Removing grease, 31. 
Restaurant, bachelor dinner 

and luncheon at, 80-83. 
Restaurants, etiquette of, 5, 

6. 

Riding, 140, 141. 
Riding to hounds, 142. 
Ring, engagement, 169, 170. 

Sack suits, 12. 
Salad, 71. 

Salt and pepper, individual, 
75- 



209 



Savories, 71. 

Scarves, 16. 

Scotch whisky, 73. 

Sea, costume at, 161, 162. 

Sealing letters, 123. 

Seat, giving one's, in car or 

ferry, 8, 9. 
Second helping, 65. 
Servants, a bachelor's, 94- 

101. 

Servants, club, 132, 134. 
Servants, general duties of, 
94, 95- 

Shaven, clean, servants, 94, 
95- 

Shaving, 18, 19. 
Shawl straps, 161. 
Sherry, 69. 

Ship, etiquette on board, 160- 
162. 

Ship, sending flowers to, 198. 
Shirts, 11-14, 24, 32, 35,37. 
Shirts, colored, 12, 37. 
Shoe bag, 30. 

Shoes and boots, care of, 28, 
29. 

Shoes, black leather, 12. 

Shoes, cost of, 36. 

Shoes, general information 

about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 

38. 

Shoes, patent leather, 12, 14, 
28, 29. 



Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 

155, 162. 
Shooting, 146. 
Shops, etiquette of, 4. 
Signatures to letters, 121. 
Smoking, 7, 133. 
Smoking in street, 7. 
Smoking, pipe, 7, 133. 
Slang, use of, 198. 
" Society lady," 199. 
Soup, 68. 

Sporting bachelor, 136-160. 

Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8. 

Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7. 

Stamping letters, 123. 

Stamp, use of club, 123. 

Standing, in presence of 
women, 6, 8. 

Staring at women, 8. 

Stationery, business and ho- 
tel, 124. 

Stationery, club, 124, 134. 

Stationery, proper to use, 
120, 124. 

Stopping acquaintances in 
street, 4. 

Strawberries, 72. 

Street, crossing, with lady, 1. 

Street, etiquette of, 1-9. 

Street, introductions on, 42. 

Street, smoking in, 7. 

Stick, proper method of hold- 
ing, 7- 



2io QTlje Complete 23ari)dor. 



Style of walking, proper, 7. 
Supper, ball and dance, 1 10, 
in. 

Supper, chafing-dish, 78. 
Supper, given by a bachelor, 

78, 81, 83, 84. 
Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 

82. 

Supper, suggestions for menu, 

78, 81, 82. 
Swearing, caution against, 

198. 

Table, carving at, 65. 

Table manners, 62-74. 

Table, setting and arrange- 
ment of, 75, 76. 

Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 
45- 

Teeth, care of, 19, 20. 
Tennis, etiquette of, 148. 
Terrapin, how to eat and 

serve, 70. 
Theater aisle, walking down, 

5. 

Theater and opera, calls at, 

45, 46. 
Theater clubs, 82. 
Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 

45, 46, 78-80, 82. 
Theater parties, 78-82. 
Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 

162, 163. 



Third person, addressing peo- 
ple in, 122. 
Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14, 

16, 35, 179, 184. 
Ties, men's, cost of, 35. 
Ties, presentation of, to best 

man and ushers, 1 79. 
Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 

i6s, 166. 
Titles, foreign, 167, 168. 
Toasts at dinner, 64. 
Toothbrushes, care of, 20. 
Tooth washes, 19, 20. 
Toilet articles, care of, 22. 
Toilet, bachelor's, 17-24. 
Tonic for hair, 21. 
Towels for bath, 18. 
Traveling, etiquette of, 

abroad, 161- 163. 
Traveling, etiquette of, in 

America, 160-162. 
Trousers, care of, 26, 27. 
Trousers, folding, 26. 
Trousers, white duck and 

flannel, 12. 
Trunk, or bag, packed for 

Friday to Monday visit, 

89. 

Trunks, how to pack, 160. 
Trunks, traveling with, 161. 
Turkish baths, 22. 
Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 
15. 



211 



Umbrella, how to carry, 7. 
Usher, dress of, 184. 
Ushers, duties of, at wedding, 
186, 187. 

Valet, dress of, 99, 100. 
Valet, duties of, 98-100. 
Visiting cards, 49-53. 
Visiting cards, leaving, mail 7 

ing, sending, 51-53. 
Visiting cards, style of, 49, 

50. 

Visiting, country house, 85- 
93- 

Visiting, fashionable time for, 

in New York, 43. 
Visitors at clubs, 131, 132. 
Von, use of title, 168. 

Walking, etiquette of, 1-8. 
Walking, proper style of, 
7- 

Waltzing, 109. 

Wedding, announcement, 

cards, 176. 
Wedding, church, 184-186. 



Wedding etiquette, 172- 
193. 

Wedding expenses, 177. 
Wedding, house, 188. 
Wedding, hour fashionable 

for, 172. 
Wedding receptions, 188, 

189. 

Weddings, divorcee's and 

widow's, 176, 192. 
Weddings, English and 

French, 144, 145. 
Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 

«45- 

Wheeling, proper dress for, 
145- 

Whisky, Scotch, 73. 

Yachting, club rules for, 

cruise, 149-15 1. 
Yachting, etiquette of, 148— 

152. 

Yachting, proper dress for, 
149. 

Yachting, proper uniform for 
officers and crew, 152. 



THE 



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PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER, BY 
JOHN LEECH. Consisting of Eighty Illustrations 
by John Leech, from the pages of " Punch." 

U MAURIER'S PICTURES OF ENGLISH 
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" Punch," by George du Maurier. 



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NGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE : Or, A Jest in Sober 
Earnest. Compiled from the celebrated " New Guide 
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NGLISH AS SHE IS WROTE, showing Curious 
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D. APPLETON & CO.'S PUBLICATIONS. 



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